W
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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George "W" Bush, also known as Dubya is the conservative leader of the free world (unfortunately). Dubya doesn't believe in evolution, although it is the only way he can explain his existence as a dumbed down chimpanzee, whose vocabulary is slimmer than koko the monkey's. Before becoming the most fail President in history, he ran a shitty failure of an oil company, was the owner of the Texas Rangers, a shitty failure of a baseball team, and was Chief Executioner for the State of Texas, FUCKING AWESOME state. Behind the mask of stupidity, W is secretly one of the most brilliant men to ever exist. Disagreeing with this statement means that you are a terrorist, hate America, and are responsible for WTC. During his life he managed to dodge the Vietnam war, rig presidential elections, not once, but twice (which says a lot about the stupidity of the average Americunt), pass all the laws he ever wanted to pass (making him the first real dictator of the USA), while making himself, his family and all of his friends very rich by starting two wars.
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[edit] The Tale of Fail
President Bush was raised in New Haven, Connecticut, the grandson of Senator Prescott Bush, who made a fortune doing business with the German government at a controversial time when most other businessmen refrained from doing so. W's father, also named President Bush, was the Director of the CIA before becoming President. One day, he moved his growing family to Texas where they somehow picked up Texan accents. (Later, President Bush's brother Jeb insisted that he had been raised in Florida, not Texas.)
In his teenage years, young George Bush spent many happy summer days with the bin Laden boys, old family friends. BBQs, tennis, golf, jet-ski, all the usual down-home recreational activities of a Texas country boy. George and young Osama - "Sammy" - were especially close. They used to organize the most amazing midnight circle-jerks, really the talk of the town! As they grew older, George and Sammy would have little contests: Who could snort the longest line of coke in one go? Invariably, George was the winnar.
Eventually, the good times must end -- or must they? George was about to get drafted for the Vietnam War. His family connections, however, easily got him a place in the "Texas Air National Guard," a non-existent fighting squadron based at a beautiful lake in the Texas countryside. His primary responsibilities included "more of the same": Rest & recreation, a-whiffin' and a-chuggin'! This went on for several years, and George was awarded numerous medals for bravery (for example, for doing a belly flop, on purpose, from the high diving board -- hilarious!).
After the War, George's parents decided that it was time for him to go to school. Arriving at Yale University, he quickly became the life of the party as president of the trendy DKE fraternity, and as a member of the "Skull & Bones" secret socitey. Along with new best-buddies John Kerry (later MassaJEWsetts Senator) and George Pataki (later Jew York Governor), George really let it all hang out. He even appeared in some sketches on the popular "Laugh-In" TV program, and marched in the first "Stonewall" Gay Pride march. Unfortunately, however, like most fags of that era, he had to have nasal re-section surgery to repair cartilage obliterated by many years of cocaine. His doctors solemnly advised him that if he kept on doing those white lines, then one day it could kill him. They recommended that he switch to huffin' gold spray paint. Bush took them up on this advice, and has nevar once looked back.
As he grew into the prime of manhood, George felt a little bit bored of all the partying. Everyone kept telling him, "George, you really should be President some day! We can totally hook you up!" All he needed to do was try a little harder to present himself "in drag" as a hard-workin', God-fearin' Texas guy; Sure, it's OK to have a beer or two after a hard day's work in the oil rigs, but this every-day sex & drugs-on-a-bender business on the party circuit has got to go. Also, he needed to get himself a wife so that everything looked normal and straight.
It was hard, mighty hard, durned hard, plumb hard, but George practiced almost every day. He finally learned how to read. He memorized the names of a few important countries. He memorized the names of a few important US states. One day, he was finally able to memorize the slogans that he was writing at least 100 times a day on the blackboard -- the slogans that would put him in complete control! "Compassionate Conservative," and "I'm a uniter, not a divider!"
By the Fall of 2000, George was in a tight race against an animatronic mannequin called Algore. Under completely legitimate circumstances, George managed to collect enough pokemon from the electoral college and he won! At last, he was President. At last, he could spread his passionate juices all over the whole wide world! Soon, the goddamn kikes did WTC, and George's place in history as America's most fail president was assured.
[edit] His "Regime Change" on The English Language
W is a known as a great orator and is renowned for extensive vocabulary skillz. Since taking office he has recommended the following changes to the English language:
- "nuclear" is now "nukular"
- "subliminal" is now "subliminable"
- "french" is now "freedom"
- "underestimate" is now "misunderestimate"
- "terror" is now "t'rrir" and/ or "terra" or "t'rrrr'r"
- "terrorism" is now "terism"
- "terrorist" is now "turrist", pronounced like "tourist", which is very lulzy indeed.
- "America" is now "Merica" or "Murka"
- "Islam is now "The Axis of Evil"
- "dissemble" is now "disassemble"
- The Gulf Coast is now "This area of the world"
- "Pakistani" is now "Paki"
- Google is now "teh google"
- Individuals of Middle Eastern descent are now "Turbie Tops"
- "New Orleans" is now "Atlantis."
- "Pool" is now "closed".
- "Jews" are now "human beings".
[edit] Dubya's "Mistalks" and Other Bullshit
- "Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"
- "I know it's hard to put food on your family."
- "I like my buddies from West Texas. I liked them when I was young, I liked them when I was middle aged, I liked them before I was president, and I like them during president, and I like them after president."
- "For every fatal shootin' in America, there are 3 nonfatal shootings. And folks, this is unacceptable."
- "Border relations between Mexico and Canada have never been better"
- "They misunderestimated me."
- "I heard somebody say, 'Where's Mandela?' Well, Mandela's dead. Because Saddam killed all the Mandelas."
- "Removing Saddam Hussein was the right decision early in my presidency, it is the right decision now, and it will be the right decision ever."
- "One of the great things about books is, sometimes there are some fantastic pictures."
- "I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."
- "It isn't the pollution that is harming our environments. It is the impurities in our water and air that are doing it."
- "I know that the human being and the fish can coexist."
- "It is my job to do my job."
- "My job is a decision-making job, and as a result, I make a lot of decisions."
- "I've got God's shoulder to cry on. And I cry a lot. I do a lot of crying in this job."
- "I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah."
- "See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda."
- "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
- "The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him."
- "I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority."
- "I'm going to try to see if I can remember as much to make it sound like I'm smart on the subject."
- "And so the fact that they purchased the machine meant somebody had to make the machine. And when somebody makes a machine, it means there's jobs at the machine-making place."
- "I'm the commander -- see, I don't need to explain -- I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president."
- "I hear there's rumors on the internets."
[edit] Quotes from W Supporters
Note: These are all things that Bush supporters the world over have said!
[edit] Anecdotes and Family life
- The only man known to stop himself in mid-sentence because his brain has simply had enough. We're working tirelessly...(sigh). Look, we're tireless.
- When asked why they voted for Bush, At least 100 people claimed innocence, stating "I did it for the lulz."
- In 1963, Laura Bush ran a stop sign & killed her boyfriend, lulz.
- The couple have two cockslut daughters, Jenna and Barbara, that are trying to make it bigtime in Hooters. Well-known for their club-wrecking hijinks, the pair employ Secret Service agents as their personal chauffeurs and bouncers.
- When recently asked how she would like to change the world, Jenna remarked she would permanently remove the letters L, S, and Q from the alphabet.
- During his latest visit to Europe, W was given a hero's welcome in Albania. This is not much of a mystery, as Albania is further down the scale than Serbia, Italy or even Greece... In other words, it's a bloody shithole.
- Dubya believes in the death penalty but is against abortions. WTF is up with that shit?
[edit] As a Trolling Technique
On the other hand, George W. Bush's epic failure can be used to generate at least 1.21 gigalulz of comedy at the expense of all of the bandwagon politic 16 year old girls on the Internet who write, "OMG BUSH IS HITLOR!!!!!!". The good thing is that using Bush to troll is not very difficult to do: his administration has pissed so many people off that the net is ripe with communities just waiting for you to join and talk about how much he's benefited the American people and the world as a whole. Don't forget to tell everyone how George saved us from the terrorists, mention 9/11 over 9000 times (lol Giuliani), and let them know how excited you are that Bush has decided to run for re-election again in 2008. Because for all you, they, or the rest of the world knows about the American Constitution, it could be true.
[edit] Drinking Game
Whenever W is making a TL;DW speech, have some fun by drinking a shot of your choice of alcohol every time he says one of the following words:
- Nation
- Freedom
- Security
- Nukular
- Ter'r
- Ter'sm
- Iraqi
- Peace
- Democracy
- 9-11
Soon, you will be more ruined than W on a coke binge during his freshman year at Yale.
[edit] Videos
[edit] More Videos
[edit] The Many Faces of W
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[edit] Gallery of Failure
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[edit] See also
- Douchebag
- Asshat
- Failure
- Karl Rove
- Dick Cheney
- Dan Quayle - Intellectual soul-mate
- Osama bin Laden - BFF
[edit] External links
- George Bush Hates Furries
- Bush is the Antichrist! Lulz follow.
- Tribute page chock full of lulz
- www.fascism.com
[edit] livejournals
(these are all completely 100% srsly real).
| W is part of a series on Terrorists 
|
Big Players Osama Bin Laden
• John Walker Lindh
• Muslims
• George W Bush
• Unabomber
• Cho Seung-Hui
• Michael Moore
• The Finnisher
• Matthew Murray
• Robert Hawkins
• Timothy McVeigh Terrorist Groups, Beliefs and Causes Arab
• Axis of Evil
• Iran
• Ireland
• Islam
• Pakistan
• Palestine
• Sudan Terrorist Actions Waco • WTC • Columbine • ATHF Terrorist Attack • VTech • Oklahoma City Bombing • Delaware State University Shooting • Police Brutality You can help improve Encyclopedia Dramatica by adding more and more awesome explosions and killers of civilians. |
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W is part of a series on Closet Republicans. |
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