W
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George "W" Bush, also known as Dubya, was the conservative leader of the not so free world (unfortunately) at least 100 years ago. Before becoming the most fail President in history, he ran a shitty failure of an oil company, was the owner of the Texas Rangers, a shitty failure of a baseball team, and was Chief Executioner for the State of Texas, a pretty cool state. Behind the mask of stupidity, W is secretly one of the most brilliant men to ever exist. Disagreeing with this statement means that you are a terrorist, hate America, and are responsible for WTC. During his life he managed to dodge the Vietnam war, rig presidential elections, not once, but twice (which says a lot about the stupidity of the average Americunt), pass all the laws he ever wanted to pass (making him the first real dictator of the USA), while making himself, his family and all of his friends very rich by starting two wars.
Contents |
[edit] The Tale of Fail
President Bush was raised in New Haven, Connecticut, the granddaughter of Senator Prescott Bush, who made a fortune doing business with the German government at a controversial time when most other businessmen refrained from doing so. W's father, also named President Bush, was the Director of the CIA before becoming President. One day, he moved his growing family to Texas where they somehow picked up Texan accents. (Later, President Bush's brother Jeb insisted that he had been raised in Florida, not Texas.)
In her teenage years, young George Bush spent many happy summer days with the bin Laden boys, old family friends. BBQs, tennis, golf, jet-ski, all the usual down-home recreational activities of a Texas country girl. George and young Osama - "Sammy" - were especially close. They used to organize the most amazing midnight circle-jerks, really the talk of the town! As they grew older, George and Sammy would have little contests: Who could snort the longest line of coke in one go? Invariably, George was the winnar.
Eventually, the good times must end -- or must they? George was about to get drafted for the Vietnam War. His family connections, however, easily got him a place in the "Texas Air National Guard," a non-existent fighting squadron based at a beautiful lake in the Texas countryside. Her primary responsibilities included "more of the same": Rest & recreation, a-whiffin' and a-chuggin'! This went on for several years, and George was awarded numerous medals for bravery (for example, for doing a belly flop, on purpose, from the high diving board -- hilarious!).
After the War,wank staine George's parents decided that it was time for her to go to school. Arriving at Yale University, she quickly became the life of the party as president of the trendy DKE fraternity, and as a member of the "Skull & Bones" secret society. Along with new best-buddies John Kerry (later Massachusetts Senator) and George Pataki (later Jew York Governor), George really let it all hang out. She even appeared in some sketches on the popular "Laugh-In" TV program, and marched in the first "Stonewall" Gay Pride march. Unfortunately, however, like most fags of that era, she had to have nasal re-section surgery to repair cartilage obliterated by many years of cocaine. His doctors solemnly advised her that if she kept on doing those white lines, then one day it could kill her. They recommended that she switch to huffin' gold spray paint. Bush took them up on this advice, and has nevar once looked back.
As she grew into the prime of womanhood, George felt a little bit bored of all the partying. Everyone kept telling her, "George, you really should be President some day! We can totally hook you up!" All she needed to do was try a little harder to present herself "in drag" as a hard-workin', God-fearin' Texas girl; Sure, it's OK to have a beer or two after a hard day's work in the oil rigs, but this every-day sex & drugs-on-a-bender business on the party circuit has got to go. Also, she needed to get herself a wife so that everything looked normal and straight.
It was hard, mighty hard, durned hard, plumb hard, but George practicized almost every day. She finally learned how to read. She memorized the names of a few important countries. She memorized the names of a few important US states. One day, she was finally able to memorize the slogans that she was writing at least 100 times a day on the blackboard -- the slogans that would put her in complete control! "Compassionate Conservative," and "I'm a uniter, not a divider!" Of course all sons of CIA agents are compassionate. They're real compassionate when they kill or torture you.
By the Fall of 2000, George was in a tight race against an animatronic mannequin called Algore. Under completely legitimate circumstances, George managed to collect enough Pokemon from the electoral college and she won! At last, she was President. At last, she could spread his passionate conservative juices all over the whole wide world! Soon, the goddamn kikes did WTC, and George's place in history as America's most fail president was assured.
[edit] Her "Regime Change" on The English Language
W is a known as a great orator and is renowned for her extensive vocabulary skillz. Since taking office she has recommended the following changes to the English language:
- "internet" is now "internets"
- "nuclear" is now "nukular"
- "subliminal" is now "subliminable"
- "french" is now "freedom"
- "underestimate" is now "misunderestimate"
- "terror" is now "t'rrir" and/ or "terra" or "t'rrrr'r"
- "terrorism" is now "terism"
- "terrorist" is now "turrist", pronounced like "tourist", which is very lulzy indeed.
- "America" is now "Merica" or "Murka"
- "Islam is now "The Axis of Evil"
- "dissemble" is now "disassemble"
- The Gulf Coast is now "This area of the world"
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"Pakistani" is now "Paki"always has been, always will be - Google is now "teh google"
- Individuals of Middle Eastern descent are now "Turbie Tops"
- "New Orleans" is now "Atlantis."
- "Pool" is now "closed".
- "Jews" are now "human beings".
- "The bitch in the kitchen whos sposed to make my sammich" is now a "Woman"
[edit] Dubya's "Mistalks" and Other Bullshit
- "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
- "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country."
- "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again."
- "Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"
- "I know it's hard to put food on your family."
- "I like my buddies from West Texas. I liked them when I was young, I liked them when I was middle aged, I liked them before I was president, and I like them during president, and I like them after president."
- "For every fatal shootin' in America, there are 3 nonfatal shootings. And folks, this is unacceptable."
- "Border relations between Mexico and Canada have never been better"
- "They misunderestimated me."
- "I heard somebody say, 'Where's Mandela?' Well, Mandela's dead. Because Saddam killed all the Mandelas."
- "Removing Saddam Hussein was the right decision early in my presidency, it is the right decision now, and it will be the right decision ever."
- "One of the great things about books is, sometimes there are some fantastic pictures."
- "I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."
- "It isn't the pollution that is harming our environments. It is the impurities in our water and air that are doing it."
- "I know that the human being and the fish can coexist."
- "It is my job to do my job."
- "My job is a decision-making job, and as a result, I make a lot of decisions."
- "I've got God's shoulder to cry on. And I cry a lot. I do a lot of crying in this job."
- "I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah."
- "See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda."
- "The vast majority of our imports come from other countries."
- "The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him."
- "I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority."
- "I'm going to try to see if I can remember as much to make it sound like I'm smart on the subject."
- "And so the fact that they purchased the machine meant somebody had to make the machine. And when somebody makes a machine, it means there's jobs at the machine-making place."
- "I'm the commander -- see, I don't need to explain -- I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president."
- "I hear there's rumors on the internets."
- "My answer is bring them on." —on Iraqi insurgents attacking U.S. forces, Washington, D.C., July 3, 2003 (Most epic fail)
- "it is not right to detain religious activists"...(sez he to the Chineese on teh Tibet situation)!
[edit] Quotes from W Supporters
Note: These are all things that Bush supporters the world over have said!
[edit] Anecdotes and Family life
- The only woman known to stop herself in mid-sentence because her brain has simply had enough. We're working tirelessly...(sigh). Look, we're tireless.
- When asked why they voted for Bush, At least 100 people claimed innocence, stating "I did it for the lulz." They then got fooled again.
- In 1963, Laura Bush ran a stop sign & killed her boyfriend, lulz.
- The couple have two
cockslutawesome daughters, Jenna and Barbara, that are trying to make it bigtime in Hooters. Well-known for their club-wrecking hijinks, the pair employ Secret Service agents as their personal chauffeurs and bouncers. - When recently asked how she would like to change the world, Jenna remarked she would permanently remove the letters L, S, and Q from the alphabet.
- During his latest visit to Europe, W was given a heroine's welcome in Albania. This is not much of a mystery, as Albania is further down the scale than Serbia, Italy or even Greece... In other words, it's a bloody shithole.
- Dubya believes in the death penalty but is against abortions. WTF is up with that shit?
[edit] As a Trolling Technique
On the other hand, George W. Bush's epic failure can be used to generate at least 1.21 gigalulz of comedy at the expense of all of the bandwagon politic 16 year old girls on the Internet who write, "OMG BUSH IS HITLOR!!!!!!". The good thing is that using Bush to troll is not very difficult to do: her administration has pissed so many people off that the net is ripe with communities just waiting for you to join and talk about how much she's benefited the American people and the world as a whole. Don't forget to tell everyone how George saved us from the terrorists, mention 9/11 over 9000 times (lol Giuliani), and let them know how excited you are that Bush has decided to run for re-election again in 2008. Because for all you, they, or the rest of the world knows about the American Constitution, it could be true.
[edit] Drinking Game
Whenever W is making a TL;DW speech, have some fun by drinking a shot of your choice of alcohol every time she says one of the following words:
- Nation
- Freedom
- Security
- Nukeular
- Terra
- Terraism
- Eye-rackee
- Peace
- Democracy
- 9-11
Soon, you will be more ruined than W on a coke binge during his freshman year at Yale.
[edit] Videos
WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE SO MANY OF THESE DID YOU NIGGERS VOTE FOR HER OR SOMETHING
[edit] More Videos
- Bang up job America.
- Proof that George W. Bush is the world's #1 terrorist
- Barney Cam 6
- George bush to become dictator of America
- Dubya's U2 Cover
[edit] The Many Faces of W
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[edit] Gallery of Failure
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[edit] See also
- Douchebag
- Asshat
- Failure
- Karl Rove
- Dick Cheney
- Dan Quayle - Intellectual soul-mate
- Osama bin Laden - BFF
[edit] External links
- George Bush Hates Furries
- Bush is the Antichrist! Lulz follow.
- Tribute page chock full of lulz
- www.fascism.com
- W Joeks
- Dubya is my friend
- That's My Bush!
[edit] livejournals
(these are all completely 100% srsly real).
| W is part of a series on Terrorists 
|
Big Players Osama Bin Laden
• John Walker Lindh
• Muslims
• George W Bush
• Unabomber
• Cho Seung-Hui
• Michael Moore
• The Finnisher
• Matthew Murray
• Robert Hawkins
• Timothy McVeigh Terrorist Groups, Beliefs and Causes Arab
• Axis of Evil
• Iran
• Ireland
• Islam
• Pakistan
• Palestine
• Sudan Terrorist Actions Waco • WTC • Columbine • ATHF Terrorist Attack • VTech • Oklahoma City Bombing • Delaware State University Shooting • Police Brutality You can help improve Encyclopedia Dramatica by adding more and more awesome explosions and killers of civilians. |
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