Germany
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Germany or Deutschland, (more like DOUCHEland, amirite?) is a country in the middle of Eurabia and is also the World Headquaters of the Michael Richards Fanbase. It was founded in 1999 to supply Europe with queers and shit music, in an attempt to compete with San Francisco in Amerikkka. Since then it has been a total camwhore and everyone fucking hates it - but at least it has a health insurance. All over, America is this and Germany that. So STFU, American fap faggots.
One must realize that all Germans are Nazis and kill Jews for lulz. All Germans will claim that they were in Austria during the war and will lie about everything, even if it isn't needed.
Contents |
Overview
Germany is most noted for its involvement in World War I and the sequel, World War II: The Reckoning 卐. Talks of World War III (Seed of Hitler 卐) have been rumored due to Germans having an immortal Inferiority complex.
Germans have the distinction of making the fastest turn-around from fascist to hippie, unlike the Italians.
Demographics
Germany is almost entirely inhabited by Krauts and Neo-nazis. The rest are Turks, the niggers of Europe. They are known to bitch about France together with the Dutch, after they persuaded them that attacking France was fun and they lower the per-capita ratio of gays who inhibit chunks of Germany, seeing as how most are macho and enjoy beating pussies (both definitions apply).
Sports
German sports is centred around the annual Giant Beer Stein dive. On the 4th of August, every hamlet brings out the revered Giant Stein and fills it with the local brew. Contestants then compete to see whose high dive can displace the most amount of beer. The winner is the one who can splash the most t-shirt clad women, whereupon the judging of the wet boobs occurs. Cannonball dives are encouraged. What beer remains is distributed, free of charge, to the crowd. Losers are retrieved from the bottom of the stein and are given a Hero's burial. Dancing and knee slapping ensues.
Other popular sports include: drinking, yelling, cannibalism, precision engineering, knee slapping, driving fast, porn involving human waste products, spanking France, blitzkrieging over the vast lands of largest country in the world (The Netherlands plus Atlantis) and drinking.
Six Germans enjoy soccer, Formula 1 racing, and skiing.
A traditional German Sport Stackenblocken
Culture
Germans are most famous for Nena, a popular 1980's rock star who wrote a song about red balloons, peace, Jews, Hitler 卐, and some other shit. They also have a ravenous appetite for wannabe American musicians, most notably David Hasselhoff. When not drinking beer, Germans are generally engaged in evil plans and starting wars. Their entire culture revolves around evil and war. And sausages. And beer.
Germany is the proud owner of the world's oldest medieval city, Disneyland. Disneyland was once ruled by a despotic emperor, Walter Mitty Disney, until he was finally usurped by Queen Snow White. Her castle, Neuschwanstein, remains to this day, a huge tourist attraction.
Germans are frugal and consider it a matter of pride to wear dirty underwear and jeans.
All Germans will pursue a number of goals including:
- Getting horribly fat and pretending like it's normal.
- Invading other countries, in any possibly way.
- Making crap music and trying to make fun of America because they got their ass kicked hard by the good ol' USA
- Drinking beer.
- Being whinning pussies whenever someone brings up their country's wrong doings.
- Kill all Jews.
- ????
- Profit!!
Examples for typical German bands
A typical German punk band
A Typical Music Video from a Popular German Band
An actual popular German band, Die Prinzen, showing Germany's true colors.
A typical German death metal band
After the second world war, many German citizens were poor. However, thanks to the Marshall Plan Germany's economy could grow very fast. Most people are now almost as rich as a typical russian citizen in the cold war. That is unfortunately not enough for some bands to buy some adequate instruments:
Education
Germany's education system is one of the best in the world. Always known as whimsical and fun-loving people, the Germans begin educating their children at a very young age with educational but fun children's programming
History
The Germanic tribes were a lesser race of hairy barbarians swinging off trees shitting on each other while performing butt sex. They later found sticks and stones put it together which gave rise to today's Germany and the famous sacking of Rome. The Vandals and the Visigoths took turns tag-teaming Rome in what is now known as The Ass-Raping of Rome. The Vandals then went on to punk-rock stardom in the mid 1980's. The Goths just went on to become BDSM club attendees.
WWII began when Hitler 卐 and Mussolini became fuck buddies. Then, his army took over and started pwning jews by the millions. It continued until the United States and England counter-pwned them. Because of this embarrassing defeat, Germany made it a law to delete fucking everything on the Nazis and anyone who mentions them will be gone faster than someone who said "Candlejack." Nazi-ism transferred over to America and is manifested through feminism and
This, and many other factors, lead many historians to believe all Germans are homosexuals. Their preoccupation with spiked helmets under the Kaiser as well as their infatuation with known homosexual Hitler lends credence to this theory. David Hasselhoff's popularity among German paedophiles seals the deal.
Economy
Germany got all of its money from the Jews. They are still financing their country today on what they stole from them. 67 percent of their exports are beer, with the majority of the remainder coming from sausages and tight underwear - precision engineered for fat middle aged men.
Due to the fact that only the USA is still allowed to ambush foreign countries for no reason and stick some of the guys there in camps, Germany is forced to export its war without shooting self. This exports are shaped like Nena, Angela Merkel (the actual tribe leader that looks like a male but is in fact a female (some suppose this is part of a confusion-strategy, or a eloped part of a bio-lab, or an import of North Korea, or sth. else)), the rock band Rammstein (a brainless imitation of the Bloodhound Gang ... uh?), weapons, sauerkraut, cars build for no speed limit, weapons and not to forget weapons, especially weapons that are build in countries like Brazil by companies that are owned by Nena, Arnold Schwartzenegger and Marlene Dietrich.
German vocabulary
Germans are too stupid for their language to have a fully developed vocabulary, so whenever a German realizes that he doesn't have a word for something he sticks several other words together. Thus any retard can quickly learn to comprehend German, and anyone who can't can safely be assumed to be a fucktard. Important German words are as follows:
- Scheisse - means: I love you darling, but you just came on my shoes.
- Es ist Zeit für Rache! Wir müssen die Juden ausrotten! means "It is time for revenge! We must exterminate The Jews!" 卐
- Blitzkrieg - means "lightning war". Basically, it includes aerial raids followed by large-scale infantry invasions. There are two reasons for such a war: if you start a war every 10 or twenty years and keep on fighting for too long, you soon have too many wars to remember which one to fight for on which day. The second reason is that the soldiers wanted to be back at home, when the evening program at TV starts (see also beer).
- Waldsterben - means the dying of many trees. After WW2 the Germans needed a new enemy. The only things left to be killed were Africans and the trees. Because the streets to Africa are
not adequate for German carsnonexistent, a silent war on trees started. Its ongoing result is the Waldsterben.
- Kindergarten - a garden where kids grow. Very simple.
- Buestenhalter - a device to hold boobs. Seriously.
Note: Don't forget to pronaunc yoor Plpspths.
German Government and Politics
The Socialist Republic of Germany is known for its rather Marxist approach to government, with many strict and retarded limits on free speech. For example, here is a list of things that are illegal in Germany:
- denying the Holocaust
- the use of swastikas (tough shit, Buddhists and Hindus, Germany has a pussy guilt complex to overcome)
- performing a Hitler salute
- wearing a Nazi costume
- mentioning anything even remotely related to Hitler or Nazism
- having even remotely right-of-center political views
- having a Charlie Chaplin moustache
- copying good old Adolf in any other way by having only one testicle for example
- homeschooling
- doing a barrel roll to the right
- playing Gears of War
- playing any violent video game whatsoever
- killing capitalists for the lulz
- not being a stupid fucking eurofag
- being amerikun
- speaken yiddisch
German political parties are known for their wide diversity of ideologies. For example, there is a communist party, a liberal party, a socialist party, a progressive party, and a moderate party. Any party even remotely right-of-center is immediately labelled as being fascist and is banned. This is because Germans are big fucking pussies with guilt complexes.
Alternate Spellings
List of Famous Germans
- Adolf Hitler (actually Austrian but who gives a fuck amirite) 卐
- Ferdinand Porsche (Volkswagen designer)
- David Hasselhoff (ur mom)
- Albert Einstein (mad physicist)
- Uwe Boll (noted director)
- Otto Hahn (chemist)
- Fritz Strassmann (physicist)
- Hans Bethe (physicist)
- Marlene Dietrich (token female)
- Max Planck (physicist)
- Wernher von Braun (rocket builder, cuz Americunts are too dumb for this)
- Wilhelm Conrad Roentgen (physicist, again)
- Heinrich Rudolf Hertz (physicist...)
- Siegfried and Roy (fags)
German Music
Composing a typical German song is rather simple: You either need a bunch of drunken soccer fans who are almost about to choke in their own sick but are still able to sing a few tones OR the bandname Rammstein plus 3 random power chords. The result of both often looks much gayer than it sounds but is actually good for the lulz, especially when a couple of jobless Mexicans bang their heads to a song which is about buttsecks without even knowing it...
A typical Kraut concert by the most typical German band Rammstein:
But also if your bandname isn't Rammstein you still have the chance to become a popular German musician.
You have good chances if...
- your bandname is Rammstein
- you have a nice ass (only effective for 16 year old girls)
- you have big tits (Also effictive for men)
- you are German, duh
- your bandname is Rammstein
- you wear leather trousers
- your bandname is Rammstein
- you can give Dieter Bohlen a nice head
- you are dumb as shit
- you are a gay eurofag
- you used to not be a kraut
Rammstein's biggest concurrence is the band Knorkator which is popular for its typical German style. The following video is quite intellectual for German conditiones and is probably one of the most expensive videos in the entire music history:
- Every well rated Hollywood action movie is a wet shit compared to this
Some Examples of trolling Germans
- Talk about kicking their asses in WW2
- Consider every single German being a Nazi or ask if their grandparents voted for Hitler (44% actually did )
- Confuse them with Dutch, Austrians or Russians
- Congratulate them on starting and losing every world war
- IRL: Touch their cars
- Remind them that 100 years ago Napoleon got all of France united and became influential in the politics of the german provinces, and that World War and World War 2.0 still don't don't make up for the fact they required assisted government by french pussies.
German National Anthem
- Performed by Germany's most famous musicians, Rammstein.
