Rudy Ghouliani

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Rudy dances (as Tootsie, even) while WTC burns
Rudy dances (as Tootsie, even) while WTC burns

Rudy "9/11" JEW-liani is a candidate for the 2008 presidential election and the only politician worse than Dubya. He ruled with an iron fist as the Republican Godfather of New York. He gained fame taking down elements of the Mafia, while his father and uncle were both made-men. He broke up with his second wife in a press conference but cheated on all of them. When he's not raping his wife or kids with a plunger he dresses in drag and pretends to be Ann Coulter.

Despite his pro-abortion, pro-gay-marriage, pro-illegal immigration, pro-gun control stance, "moderate" (read: socially liberal Zionists) Republicans think he is the fucking savior of the GOP and that he will save them from the evil Hillary Clinton, even if it means sacrificing their principles. This is because neocons do not actually care about issues such as abortion or illegal immigration; they only care about invading Middle Eastern countries and defending their Jewish fuckbuddies in Israel from those evil A-rabs.

His recent claim that he lived at the Ground Zero holocaust site more than anyone else: firemen, excavators, bodysnatchers

OMFG, I WUZ MUTHAFUCKIN' AT MUTHAFUCKIN' GROUND ZERO WTC RUINS LIVIN' THERE ROUND TEH MUTHAFUCKIN' CLOCK FOR YEARS, YOU COCKSUCKIN' MUTHAFUCKIN' DOUBTERS!!

may have put the nail in the coffin of "Tootsie" Giuliani's camp-agne.

Giuliani is one of the most corrupt assholes to ever walk the face of the Earth. It was his fault that 9/11 occured because he was too busy paying the New York Post and the New York Times more than 7 billion dollars each of mostly taxpayers' money to keep their mouths shut and call him Giuliani the hero and the leader who saved New York from 9/11; instead of bribing the two shitrags, Giuliani could have bought some sort of flying mechanism, such as a plane, to fight fires and keep them from spreading like they did on 9/11. The towers fell because New York City did not have any planes that could drop anything on the building, whether that be water, or foam, or even firemen who could have been dropped on the roof instead of having to climb up multiple flights of stairs with heavy gear all while blocking the exit and keeping people from coming down the stairs because the firemen had to go up. Giuliani and the New York Times and the New York Post are all corrupt sons of bitches and should hang.

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[edit] PWNAGE

At the debate last Thursday, Ron Paul pwned Giuliani:

 
 
They attack us because we've been over there. We've been bombing Iraq for ten years. We've been in the Middle East. I think Reagan was a fag. We don't understand the irrationality of Middle Eastern politics. Right now, we're building an embassy in Iraq that is hueger than the XBox but not the Wii. We're building at least 100 permanent bases. What would we say here if the Muslim sand niggers were doing this in our country or in the Gulf of Mexico? We would be objecting... I'm suggesting that we listen to the people who attacked us and the reason they did it, and they are delighted that we're over there because Osama bin Laden has said, 'I am glad you're over on our sand because we can target you so much easier.' They have already now, since that time, have killed 3,400 of our men, and I don't think it was necessary.
 

 

—Ron Paul, demonstrating Giuliani's fucktardedness


Upon hearing this comment, Giuliani, eager to distract critics from his ardent support for baby murder, immediately, his cancerous prostated exploded. He flipped the fuck out and declared it to be the most absurd thing he's ever heard, proving that the has not even read the 9/11 Commission Report nor ever spoken to anyone in New York, not even those gay guys he crashed with during his ninth divorce. This is evidence he is either illiterate, a troll, or gay.

Paul's pwnage of Giuliani would only get worse as the election continued: Giuliani came behind Paul in Iowa, Nevada, Lousiana, and even South Carolina. He didn't even get as many delegates as Paul. By the time Giuliani withdrew and endorsed another moldy white guy, the karmic castration had already rendered him utterly dickless.

In more recent news, Rudy followed up his glorious College Football career by visiting Ft. Walton Beach, Florida. Absolutely nobody gave a shit, but he decided to announce his fondness for Goatse and confess that he played Man #3 in his high school production of Lemonparty: The Musical.

[edit] YouTube

Ladies and gentlemen, the next President of the United States:

Rudy Giuliani's fursona is a lion.

[edit] Giuliani and 9/11

Remember, Giuliani was mayor when this happened. Are you remembering? Do you still remember now? How about now?
Remember, Giuliani was mayor when this happened. Are you remembering? Do you still remember now? How about now?

Since his campaign has no substance whatsoever and he really doesn't have anything of value to offer to America, Giuliani must consistently refer to the fact that he was mayor of New York on 9/11. While he has yet to point to anything he actually did on 9/11 aside from stumble around in dust-covered confusion like the 8 million other people who also happened to be in New York on that day, the invocation of his "leadership" (i.e. yelling into a walkie-talkie with nobody on the other end and posing for some very moving pictures) at the site of the attack apparently make him capable of running the country. Not only does he constantly mention 9/11, he has sponsored the Jews ever since then. If carefully studied his name sounds like JEW-liani. Thus showing that his mother named him because she knew of the attack when he was born. Also he has invoked 9/11 over 9000 times on the campaign trail so far and by this point is quite masterful at connecting ANYTHING to 9/11, including:

Joe Biden pwned Giuliani when he said, "There are only three things he says in a sentence: A noun, a verb, and 9/11." However, this is likely the only pwnage he will ever make and it was probably plagiarised anyway.

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