Golf

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Golf is a "sport" in which old, white CEOs hit a tiny ass ball with a stick across a big ass field of grass, dirt, and various traps. The pastime was birthed sometime in the 1800s, by Irish migrants to Canada as an abstaining alternative to sex, the object of the game to hit the ball into a hole, by method of a stick. The game, like a healthy relationship before lovemaking, is divided into hours, days, months, and even years in some cases, a common question being "How much longer are we playing this fucking game?!"

Rules

Professional Golf

Sometimes, they get in.

That surely has to be different, right? Put it in a spectator sport and it's gotta be good!

No. PGA and Professional Golf are as bad, if not worse than casual golf. Spectators must remain quiet for the entire duration, with an average of at least 6 instances of theft, rape, and murder occurring during the event.

How to play golf

This unfortunate golfer was probably senile, drunk (You can still drive these things?!), or just became an hero with the boredom of this sport.

• 0. Not be a nigger. This is pretty basic.
• 1. Buy a bag of clubs. Keep buying them until you can't count anymore, which will happen because you're already a dumbass for playing this game.
• 2. Go to a public course and pay to play.
• 3. Walk to the first tee, plant your ball and check the wind. Make sure to stand there for at least 5 minutes to look real knowledgeable about conditions, but not too long so that they realize that you don't want to make a false move and bruise your ego and their impressions of you.
• 4. Select a club, preferably something large and sturdy.
• 5. Hit the ball as hard as you can in a random direction.
• 6. If you make it in, good job. That's some godly-ass luck you've got there. Proceed directly to PROFIT. If you don't, repeat Step 5 until you collapse for being the old, fat, piece of shit you are.

Congratulations! You've wasted a perfectly good day doing nothing. I hope you feel better about yourself.

See also

• Jew
• NORP

Golf is part of a series on the ED Special Olympics	Events Baseball • Football • Professional Wrestling • Soccer • Hockey • Ghost Riding Not Events Bulletball • Sex • Starcraft • Super Smash Bros • Video Games • Golf Competitions Olympics • Special Olympics • London 2012 • Olympic Flame • LOLympics Topics Sport • Michael Phelps • Shawn Johnson • Barry Bonds • Ty Cobb • Allison Stokke • Billy Martin