Guild Wars

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Torn Curtains and Broken Flutes: The Artwork.

Does World of Warcraft have titties like these? I don't think so my friend.

The real life faggoth and the Kurzick character he inspired.

Typical crazy Luxon motherfucker.

Endangered species my ass.

Healers, as you can see here, are the most common build in the game.

[edit] Overview

Guild Wars is for faggoty geeks and is a wannabe World of Warcraft and Diablo 2 clone with no monthly fee (minus the 40 dollars for the monthly expansion pack), to ensure that it attracts the absolute worst combination of players. Taking a page from Second Life, players are expected to run the same damn content over and over again for obtaining frilly items that don't actually have any advantage over normal cheap items. PvP involves reading a build from a website and crying like a bitch when you oh-so-perfect build gets stomped by the flavor of the month. In conclusion, it's about as fun as nailing your dick to the wall, which means that if you're a /b/tard it makes for some really good copypasta. People who PvP in this game, like John Manly Adams have no life whatsoever but to rage and talk about how great their worthless builds are in HA.

[edit] Storyline

Chapter 1: Torn Curtains and Broken Flutes

It was a bright day, and the sun gleamed on Gwen's black hair. Highlighting her girlish features as Little Thom passed her. "Hi Thom!" Gwen shouted as he passed. "DON'T SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT OR I'LL RAPE YOUR PUSSY WITH AN AXE BITCH" Thom replied. ":O" Was the last thing to escape Gwen's mouth before Thom wrenched her from the ground and whisked her to the dungeon underneath Ascalon City.

When Gwen awoke her head felt like a watermelon, swollen and juicy. Soon she would find out it wasn't the only thing swollen and juicy in the room. She scanned the room with her eyes, until she noticed a dark figure in the fetal position, naked, in the corner. She realized it was Thom, doing something quite painful to his netherregions.

"Let me out of here!" She tried to scream at the top of her lungs, but found her throat too clogged with semen. Thom heard this futile gargle and arose from his nest of tapestry porn. Slowly he turned around. Gwen squinted to see him in the dark corner, noticing a flash of red light coming from where his genitals should be. She didn't want to look, but her eyes were drawn to his mutilated genitals. To her horror, Little Thom had torn off his own testicles and scrotum, only a bloody hole betrayed where his manhood once was.

"SUCK IT, SUCK MY HOLE" Thom screamed. "Gwrgrgwgwrrhww" Gwen's mouth was still choking with the sticky substance. "SUCK IT YOU FILTHY WHORE, SUCK THE CLOTS FROM MY HOLE SO I CAN EJACULATE BLOOD INTO YOUR NUBILE MOUTH." Thom's face was beginning to turn bright red. He didn't have time to waste if his masterpiece was to be completed before his audience arrived.

Gwen leaned forward off of the stone slab where she was secured and opened her mouth, cum dripping out of it. Slowly she put her lips around Thom's wound and began to suck. Clots of blood began to release and soon a steady stream was pouring out. Thom was becoming lightheaded, not from the loss of blood but from the pure ecstasy of the moment. This was the penultimate moment of his adult life, he tried to hold out and prolong the moment. His effort was futile, he let out of massive stream of blood into Gwen's mouth, so much so that she had no choice but to swallow some of it. As Thom climaxed, Gwen swallowed more and more of his blood, her belly becoming ripe. It was at this moment that Prince Rurik, the audience Thom had been anticipating, arrived.

"Hello Master Rurik, what a surprise!" Thom exclaimed, his face losing most of it's color, due to his reserves being empty. "What's going on here Little Thom?" Rurik asked, looking at the horrendous sight in front of his eyes, feeling perplexed and a little aroused. "I've been preparing a little treat for you, ripening it with my own sweat and blood. Behold! Gwen, the preteen whore queen of all Ascalon, ready to slake your desires!"

Rurik approached with trepidation, he had dreamed of a moment such as this all his life, but never had he imagined it could come true. His hands sweated and his armor rattled, he licked his lips and said under his breath: "For Ascalon."

He rolled the near unconscious Gwen over on the slab, and penetrated her. He was having the time of his life, when Thom interrupted. "Prince Rurik, take my royal aid!" Thom tossed him his severed penis. "Praise be to you Thom, you are a true servant of Ascalon!" Rurik penetrated her anus with Little Thom's severed genitals. Slowly he worked it in and out, but on his last stroke he pushed things too far, a fount of blood and fecal matter sprayed from her anus, soaking the Prince's royal attire. In a fit of rage, Rurik snatched Gwen's flute, and called to Little Thom. "Thom, this bitch has got to get her cumuppance. I want you to break this flute, and toss it out on the other side of the stream. She'll never be able to get it out of the clutches of those stinking Skale!" "Master, your mind is truly that of a genius!" "Quick Thom! There is no time to spare!"

To be continued....

Chapter 2: Experimentation

It had been two days since Gwen's horrible, yet liberating experience with Little Thom and Prince Rurik. She awoke and decided that today she would find her flute, fuck Sir Tydus, come home, eat dinner, and masturbate to the thought of Little Thom's bloody hole before drifting off to sleep. However, today would not be that day. As she wiped the sleep from her eyes, she looked out of her bedroom window and noticed the sky was ablaze with burning fire. Sulfur and brimstone were falling from the sky. Quickly she got dressed, in her finest latex undergarments, and ran to the safest place she knew. The catacombs beneath Ashford Abbey. As she entered the centuries old catacombs, she took a torch from the wall to light her path. As soon as she settled on a spot to ride out the storm, she heard a faint sound. "blurgrggrgrrgrgohrigormortiscockissoharddfdglcntgetenufgrgr" Gwen normally wouldn't investigate something such as this, but she felt a stirring in her loins that beckoned her to go nearer. When she finally approached the source of the noise, she found Eve, back hunched over the the hunchback of notre dame, riding the decaying cock of King Adelmianus, the great great grandfather of Prince Rurik himself! "I'm going to make you cum until bile spews from your little shriveled cock!" Eve roared with a massive grin. "Uggghhgghgghg" King Adelmianus replied.

Gwen slipped, and revealed her position to Eve.

"You little whore! You're the one who made Thom break his appointment with me! Get over here, I'm going to teach you a lesson."

Gwen walked slowly towards Eve. Eve dashed at her and ripped her clothes off, revealing her latex panties bra. The bra was much too large for Gwen's physique, but the panties were skin tight revealing her well toned, supple buttocks. Eve gasped, the sight before her was breathtaking.

"By Grenth's pock marked anus" Eve muttered in disbelief. She couldn't believe what she was seeing, what had just fallen into her hands. Eve praised Grenth and decided what she must do. She took Gwen by the wrists and chained her to the wall, the chains were so high off the ground Gwen was suspended in mid air. Eve slipped the latex off of Gwen's bottom and pushed her back against the wall slowly. A carved stone dildo inserted into Gwen's anus, for stability purposes. "Unghgggghhhh" Gwen moaned with pleasure as it went deeper and deeper.

"I'm going to give you my babies, Gwen" Eve said quietly as she took out her staff and inserted it into Gwen's willowy vagina. She waited for just a moment, and the tore her staff out with amazing force. Blood splattered everywhere, it tore Gwen's blooming muffin to ribbons.

Gwen's screamed in agony and pleasure. Her stomach began to grow and grow.

"What have you done Eve?" "I've given you the fruit of my loins"

Just then there was a loud crash, and the sound of footsteps could be heard echoing through the catacombs. Eve heard this and ran out a side passage, leaving Gwen alone with King Adelmianus.

Adelmianus had heretofore been lying quietly on his slab. He saw that his mistress was gone and decided to seize the opportunity. Getting up slowly, he ambled his way over to Gwen, who was still in too much pain to notice him. He placed a small box at her feet, and climbed on it to give himself some extra height. Grabbing Gwen's mouth he forced it open and inserted his maggot filled cock into her mouth. He then proceeded to jump off the box, breaking his cock off in her mouth. Grabbing her mouth again with his hands he forced her to chew, making his cock into a fine mush of maggots bile and 140 year old human flesh.

"Grhrhrgrgrg SWALLOW IT fgdfhrehrhrhrh" he moaned.

Just then a Charr burst into the room and cleaved Adelmianus from ass to mouth. Gwen's mouth burst open, and she vomitted Adelmianus' cock all over herself. The Charr looked in disgust at her.

"RARRGRGRHRRR" He said, as he impaled her pregnant belly with his furry cock.

To be continued...

Chapter 3: Curtains for Gwen, and the Carpet Matches them

Gwen hanged by her wrists, stone phallus still inserted in her anus. She stared at the hair covered fleshy monstrosity that was impaled through her abdomen. Tears ran down her face, she knew the gift from Eve that had been gestating in her womb had been destroyed. Slowly the Charr Chieftain slid his massive cock out of Gwen's uterus. As he finished pulling out, two green, semen covered bone fiends flopped out of Gwen, wriggling on the floor from reflex action. Gwen looked at her babies convulsing on the floor, black bile seeping out of their under-developed eye sockets. It was the last thing she saw before she died.

ACT II: Chapter 1 - Zombie Gwen

Gwen awoke, suffering a horrible case of post-mortem depression. All lust for life had been replaced by a ferocious lust for cock. She looked around, surveying her surroundings. Claude was there, along with a figure she could not recognize. She wracked her brain trying to capture his identity. "Hello Gwen, I am Claude! I have resurrected you from death, you are to be my servant in this life, satiating all my needs, and all the needs of my partner here. You may know him, his name is Theodore Roosevelt." Theodore Roosevelt was in a sky blue thong that was so thin you could see the moisture seeping out of his putrid cyst. "Hallo Gwen!" Teddy Roosevelt yelled at the top of his lungs. "Gwen, I want you to get up off your bed and come over here." Claude beckoned "Good, good! Now, slide down Theodore's panties. Excellent! Here, take this knife. Now slice open his putrid cyst and cupple your mouth with it." Gwen obeyed all of Claude's commands with increasing zeal. With a great heave Theodore clinched his buttocks, and squeezed the pus from his putrid cyst. It oozed it's way into Zombie Gwen's mouth, seeping into her belly. Gwen found the sensation warm and refreshing.

"Move to the side Gwen!" Claude took command of the situation, Gwen was not to be the only receiver of Theodore Roosevelt's bounty. Sucking hard, Claude emptied Theodore's cyst, leaving only a wrinkled flap of skin where once had been a bounteous sore chocked full of delicious putrescence.

Claude held the substance in his mouth, and cuppled with Teddy. He released the load into Teddy's mouth, twirling his tongue to make sure every inch was defiled.

Gwen moved in back of Theodore Roosevelt and began diddling his asshole with her left hand's index and middle fingers. She reached around front and grabbed Claude's rock hard cock, caressing it with her sandpapery undead skin. Faster she moved her hand, tearing the flesh from Claude's penis until he could take no more. He grabbed her hand and pulled it off of his cock. He lifted her up and slammed her down to the ground, forcing her to land on all fours. Theodore took this as his cue. Getting down on his knees, he took out a knife and carved a hole in Gwen's back. He mounted her, and began projectile diarrheaing into his makeshift undead toilet. The revolting mess flowed into the wound in her back, evacuating via the wound in her stomach.

Meanwhile Claude had left the room to retrieve something from his closet. He came back to the room, his bloody dick taped up with razor blades. He ran to Gwen, giddy with anticipation, and rammed his razor covered cock into her mouth shredding it to bits. Gwen clawed the floor, the pleasure was too great. She clawed harder and harder until she tore her nails off.

Claude began to convulse over and over, and he ejaculated a liquidy mix of blood and semen into Gwen's shredded maw. Gwen gargled it and spat it in Theodore Roosevelt's face, who quipped "Well I declare!" As he finished emptying his bowels into Gwen's fresh wound.

Gwen passed out on the floor, and Claude carried her to her bed.

"Goodnight little gimp" He said, as he kissed her semen covered forehead.

And then Claude was a zombie.

The moral of the story is the charr gangbang Gwen when she gets older and hawt. After their orgy they're done and have tea.

[edit] Unicode Support

Guild Wars has full unicode support. Therefore, creating guild names and spamming local with alt+021325 is highly suggested, to make sure the Jews know their place.

[edit] Gaile Gray

A community manager for Guild Wars who looks like a horse, srsly. Also seems to throw temper tantrums on community websites when people complain about the shitty balance changes made to the game. She is no longer the community manager and has stepped down, but the amount of people to give a shit is really none.

[edit] Rule 41

[edit] Typical Guild Wars player

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ITquW_unkI&feature=related

[edit] Guild Wars Trolling tips

1. Go to http://www.guildwarsguru.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=213

2. Start New Thread

3. Copypasta this:

[build prof=Warrior/Elementalist][Glyph of Essence][Frenzy][Eviscerate][Executioner's Strike][Phoenix][Rush][Lion's Comfort][Resurrection Signet][/build] [build prof=Warrior/Elementalist][Glyph of Essence][Frenzy][Backbreaker][Crushing Blow][Phoenix][Rush][Lion's Comfort][Resurrection Signet][/build] [build prof=Mesmer/Monk][Echo][Arcane Echo][Arcane Mimicry][Arcane Thievery][Arcane Larceny][Diversion][Power Drain][Resurrection Signet][/build] [build prof=Mesmer/Monk][Echo][Arcane Echo][Arcane Mimicry][Arcane Thievery][Arcane Larceny][Diversion][Power Drain][Resurrection Chant][/build] [build prof=Ranger/Mesmer][Apply Poison][Archer's Signet][Concussion Shot][Distracting Shot][Pin Down][Hunter's Shot][Troll Unguent][Dryder's Defenses][/build] [build prof=Assassin/Monk][Shadow Form][Deadly Paradox][Heart of Shadow][Dismiss Condition][Infuse Health][Gift of Health][Signet of Rejuvenation][Signet of Devotion][/build] [build prof=Assassin/Monk][Shadow Form][Deadly Paradox][Heart of Shadow][Dismiss Condition][Infuse Health][Gift of Health][Signet of Rejuvenation][Remove Hex][/build] [build prof=Warrior/Necromancer][Sever Artery][Gash][Distracting Blow][Sprint][Riposte][Deadly Riposte][Healing Signet][Grenth's Balance][/build]

or this:

[build prof=Dervish/Monk][Onslaught][Rending Aura][Rending Sweep][Rending Touch][Sand Shards][Shield of Force][Signet of Mystic Speed][Resurrection Signet][/build] [build prof=Elementalist/Necromancer][Glimmering Mark][Glyph of Lesser Energy][Glyph of Restoration][Glyph of Sacrifice][Glyph of Swiftness][Grasping Earth][Ice Prison][Resurrection Signet][/build] [build prof=Mesmer/Paragon][Visions of Regret][Ancestor's Visage][Aneurysm][Arcane Conundrum][Arcane Echo][Arcane Larceny][Arcane Mimicry][Resurrection Signet][/build] [build prof=Monk/Ranger][Peace and Harmony][Purge Signet][Purifying Veil][Rebirth][Release Enchantments][Remove Hex][Renew Life][Resurrection Signet][/build] [build prof=Necromancer/Assassin][Contagion][Dark Bond][Dark Fury][Dark Pact][Death Nova][Deathly Chill][Deathly Swarm][Resurrection Signet][/build] [build prof=Paragon/Dervish][Focused Anger][Hasty Refrain][Hexbreaker Aria][Holy Spear][Inspirational Speech][Leader's Comfort][Leader's Zeal][Resurrection Signet][/build] [build prof=Ranger/Elementalist][Burning Arrow][Charm Animal][Choking Gas][Comfort Animal][Companionship][Concussion Shot][Conflagration][Resurrection Signet][/build] [build prof=Assassin/Mesmer][Flashing Blades][Golden Fox Strike][Golden Lotus Strike][Golden Phoenix Strike][Heart of Shadow][Horns of the Ox][Impale][Resurrection Signet][/build]

4. Explain why it's good

5. Flame users who criticize

6. Get banned!

7. ?????

8. PROFIT!