Gun
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
95% of the Internet is porn, and a lot of that porn is guns.
Guns and the Internet
As has been established, weapons are all over the Internet. Some are big black and sleek, others of a lighter hue and well polished. Common themes occur however; all have hordes of avid male admirers and if you push the right part they fire their hot loads all over the intended target. The same is true for firearms; the Internet has a huge guns, weapons and military related subculture, with numerous websites catering for all preferences. Some are filled to the brim with 16 year olds that don't have a fucking clue and generally just spout the latest bullshit from Future Weapons, and some are were the soldiers hang out. Regardless of the intended audience, there are many common threads that bind all into a gigantic clusterfuck of bad will and malignant intent. Below is your guide to this delightful phenomenom.
Memes
Regardless of the website, the same tired old shit keeps on a'cropping up. Not even the hideous and terrifying SOCOM.net is immune. Here are the most common memes that infest the online world of weapons.
M16 Sux0rz, lol
The first rifle to fire the 5.56mm round, the M16 earned a reputation during the Vietnam War for lacking reliability. This was because of bad ammo and barely literate conscripts not cleaning their fucking weapons. Despite not being applicable anymore, this is still a common misconception. Well, if you're some stupid fuck that has never held a rifle in their entire fucking life it's a common misconception. Particuly in the forums of the Military Photos website you'll get some newbie, or worse, a fucking Russian, post some crap about how it continuely jams and how ineffective the 5.56x45mm round is. They then usually get raped by all the guys that actually use the weapon professionally and hang out on the web in order to rape people that don't. This sad and sorry state of affairs then repeats ad nauseum.
M14 is betta, lol
The rifle that directly preceeded the M16 in the US arsenal. A huge and heavy beast made from wood, steel and cock, the M14 fires the large and powerful 7.62x51mm NATO round. Everyone who hates the M16 wants the US to return to using this monster, everyone that is except the guys who'd have to carry this Queen Bitch of an Arab-killer. It's still used in limited numbers by the US Navy and some Army units as a marksman rifle, even though Bill Clinton decided to shred most of the arsenal in order to satisfy his bitch wife's lust for castration.
Springfield Armoury produces a civilian version called the M1A. This non-milspec rifle is a favourite amoungst 40 year-old middle class range queens (the only guys that can afford it) who like to bullshit about how the Army didn't know what it was doing when it replaced the veritable old truck-stopper, because they spent $2000 on a knock-off so they know what they are talking about. Shut the fuck up fags.
HK MP5, spray 'n pray lolololol
The first submachine gun to fire from a closed bolt, it became a favourite of anti-terrorist units around the world due to the resulting accuracy. It's not often talked about outside of the HKPro website, and when it is it mentioned in hushed tones of quiet awe and delight. A fantastic and comfortable weapon to hold and use, it has one problem: it's so good that even the misanthropic faggots that fuck it up for everyone can't say anything bad about it. As such, it is not a source of drama and will only be mentioned in passing. Well, outside of Counterstrike forums anyway.
Colt Model 1911A1, teh best evah!
This emblem of America in carbon steel brought the USA into the 20th Century as the greatest nation on the planet, by killing Islamo-gook fascists in the Phillipines by the tribe-load. Those Jihado-faggots thought they were pretty tough, until they met .45 of an inch in righteous hot-lead to the motherfucking sternum. 9mm? America doesn't speak metric, faggot. USA! USA! USA!.
Well, that's what most gun-nuts (as in testicles) will say about it. The pistol is a legend in the USA due to it's long service with the military (about 70 years). And given that no one else in the world is allowed to own weapons, this leads it being the most talked about pistol on the webz0rz. It's reputation for accuracy stems mainly for it being bought and riced up for use as IPSC race-guns rather than any inherent virtue in the design itself. Truth be known, the original service pistol was just a big, heavy, single-action motherfucker that was no more accurate than any other pistol of the time, and was only notable for being the first pistol chambered in the gigantic .45 Automatic Colt Pistol round (ACP). But you spend $2000 on after-market parts and you can do anything.
AK-47, betta than ur dad!
Designed to be easily used by poorly trained conscripts, the AK-47 was spread throughout the world by Stalinism and the Soviet Union's lack of interest in copyright and the stability of nation-states. Made to loose tolerences and using a gas-piston, the rifle is simple in construction and fairly robust, but no more so than any other gas-piston rifle out there. It has great popularity amoungst, well, Russias, and guys that want to spree-kill their neighbours. Most that you'll come across in real life are Chinese or Eastern European knock-offs, actual Russian models being rare.
AK-47 vs. M16 threads are woefully common in any weapons-related forum. The usual crap of accuracy vs. reliablity is rehashed and fucked up for yet another innings. On many websites, Military Photos and AR-15.net notably, this kind of crap will get you raped by the administrators. You deserve it, you little bastard.
.357 Magnum, boom! Headshot
Not that common, although it will often be reccomended as a self-defence round. It's most notable online apperance concerned one Budd Dwyer.
Once you have returned home from killing the entire Viet Kong army, you have become the Pennsylvania state treasurer. You receive bribes and give your friends exclusive million dollar contracts as well as receiving $300,000 kickbacks. When you fuck it up and get convicted; facing 55 years imprisonment, you end it all by blowing your brains out with this baby in front of a live televised press conference.
Deagle is betta than awp camping fags!111!!
In the seventies an American company called Magnum Industries decided to start manufacturing magnum caliber semi-automatic pistols. No one cared. The production rights were then bought out by world champion Arab-killers, Israeli Military Industries. Arnold Schwarznegger cared, but he's german, so technically no one cared. Then Valve Software created Counterstrike and thought it would be a good idea to include the Desert Eagle .50 Action Express pistol in the game, and soon every nasty little hentai-loving sweaty-handed little pervert bastard in the world had heard of a pistol that could boom! Headshot people on the other side of the map. These little pillow-fuckers then swamped the Internet with their new-found in-depth 'knowledge' of firearms born from the 'realistic' multi-player computer game, much to the disgust of anyone who had ever handled a real firearm in their life. Cries of lol, Deagle soon began shitting up every single board in teh webz, and still do to this very day. Calling the Desert Eagle a Deagle is a quick way to get raped on pretty much every serious firearms website on the tubes, even on those that are considered the equivalent of an AIDS infected gay-bar toilet in Africa (/k/, for example). An 'ironic' use of the meme has now become fairly common, but irony is for faggots.
The Desert Eagle is an over-complicated, heavy, unreliable and very expensive pistol that only collectors bother with. It has limited use in target shooting and pistol hunting, but the .50AE ammuntion is so expensive that most people don't care. Other calibers are available, but better pistols in the same calibers are cheaper. You cannot shoot somebody in the head with it from 100m away. No, you can't, ok? Shut up, you little bastard. Clean your room.
Browning Automatic Rifle M1918 (B.A.R.)
The B.A.R. is a machinegun/rifle hybrid monstrosity that spits out 650 rounds a minute of .30-06 caliber whoopass and it will fuck you up sideways. All the benifits of the M1 Garand with the added bonus of full-automatic fire and a 20 round box magazine, the B.A.R. is useful for liquidating everything from psychotic bitchs and various Mack Trucks to Nazis, emos and wapanese. However, it's effectiveness on fatasses is not fully known and may need to be supplemented by a bigger fucking gun.
The Golden Gun
Somehow kills people with one bullet. When killing IRL, memorize all the respawn points and use the Golden Gun on them before they can fight back.
Bazooka
Will ruin everything from goths to teenagers to the entire local mall in a glorious explosion of win. A favorite of Counter-Strike O.G.s. They don't like dat shit one-two bit.
BFG 9000
Teh nub's weapon of choice. Can pwn all the real players on the map in one hit, make them pregnant, then aborts their fetuses. In the military, a soldier who wield a BFG 9000 is designated a "cocksucker", which is a coincidence, since your mom is the only branch that uses the BFG 9000.
Uzi
The Uzi (Jewspeak: עוזי) was invented solely to rape sand nigger babies. Based on the Czechoslovakian series 23 to 26 submachine guns, it is further proof that Jews steal everything. Every American should have two. You have two hands, after all, right? Ironically, it's the preferred weapon of neo-nazis and skinheads.
Host Shotgun
The best weapon ever made. One shot from this baby and you;ll explode into a mess of blood, shit and semen. This bitch is so strong, if you shoot somebody's hand, their arms will blow off. Of course, when you do shoot somebody with this gun, they'll scream "Lulz dud3! h05t 5h0tTy! h4X0rz a13rT!!!!11" but who cares because you can kick them off your server and then tell your friends what happened on your myspace blog.
In Regard to Sword Myths
Guns have replaced this archaic simpleton weapon for a good many reasons:
- Myth: Swords are more honorable than guns, case-in-point, Ninjas, Samurai, and Jedi used swords instead of guns.
- Myth: You can block bullets with your sword if you are skilled enough.
- FACT: You cannot block bullets with your sword. If you are skilled enough to do so, go out and prove it.
- Myth: You don't have to reload a sword, therefore you can use it forever.
- FACT: You must constantly wipe your sword clean of blood and sharpen it, otherwise it will chip and rust away, and then you will have to find your local smithee to forge you a new one. Or you can save up your lunch money and buy another sword off eBay instead of buying that new manga you've been fapping over.
- Myth: Guns are cowardly because you can kill people from far away; swords are the only weapons that take real skill to use.
- FACT: Hacking and slicing away takes too much effort, when you can just sit back, relax and start obliterating Wapanese hoards with your MP40. Also, there is some skill and knowledge required to use a gun correctly.
- Myth: You can run up to a guy with a gun real fast and slice him with your sword before he even gets his gun out.
- Myth: But swords have the element of surprise!
- FACT: Sure, element of surprise, until you hear the sneaky Samurai dragging a heavy ass chunk of metal around behind you, giving you plenty of time to aim, cock your hammer and shoot him. Sniping is also an effective method against those pesky ninjas, Samurai and pedos.
Chances are, anyone who tries to insist that swords are better than guns is probably Wapanese and has had their brain destroyed by anime. If so, it's legally (and morally) required to challenge them to a gun vs sword duel at at least 100 paces. Three seconds and one smoking shell casing later the world will be a slightly better place.
An asian prepares to go to school
NRA
Formed in 1871, the NRA was established to give White racists, gun-loving soccer moms, confederate-flag hangover-having rednecks and master debaters the ability to focus their God-given talents on something much more important: shooting fgts, muslims and 50 cent. The most noted savior of the NRA is Charlton Heston, who proved in the movie 'Planet of the Apes' that we need guns to make drinking beer more fun.
Totally ignoring studies done with pinko bleeding-heart sciences, like "psychology," "sociology," and "political science," this group holds that guns are good. Guns can even revive arrogant white men of their manhood (and win them equally arrogant and trashy women).
Saving us from the tyrannical grip of people who support gun control, like that god awful boring Noam Chomsky, the NRA is always doing its duty, despite the efforts of people who claim to "hate violence" (more like Big "Gun control" brother, amirite?)
Who Uses Guns???
Niggers
It is a fact that all jiggaboos own guns. However, 99% of guns used by niggers are shitty. Even if you do see a nig-nog carrying a good, reliable gun, there is no need to fear. As jiggaboos are not fully evolved and do not have prehensile thumbs, their marksmanship skills are lacking. They mostly use their guns to rape white women at gunpoint. No big deal.
The few jiggaboos who do fire their guns move to Sudan and perform acts of genocide. Again, no big deal.
Beaners
Just kidding, beaners only use machetes.
Injuns
Disgruntled injuns, otherwise known as prairie niggers, stole or bought guns from the white man to keep their casinos safe and keep people off of the two acres landfills they call reservations. Srsly, noone is going to steal your beef jerky Geronimo.
Faggots
Fudgepacking fags use guns to kill themselves after being disowned by their fathers. This works out well as it helps prevent the spread of AIDS. Some hellbout fgts keep these guns around in case they happen to run into Fred Phelps.
Arabs
All arabs, otherwise known as sand niggers, own AK-47s, because they're the only guns that they can afford, especially a Russian prices. However, many sand niggers prefer box cutters and hijacking airplanes over using their AKs.
Jews
Jews do not use guns - they manufacture them as a part of their evil plot to make the world a more violent place. The only exception is the Israeli CIA, also known as Mossad, also known as the only frightening Jews you will ever meet in person. They can fuck a Palestinian up 4srs.
Whites
Use their guns for leisurely activities such as hunting quail, geese, faggots, dove, their wives, pheasant, deer, jiggaboos, and turkey. White people have a piece of paper that they call "the second amendment" which states that it is their duty to buy and own as many guns as possible. This can a source of drama and butthurt for many whites, who consider this piece of paper to be some very serious business.
Asians
Geeky chinks use guns as props in videos if they aren't zerg rushing their school. What facilitators of social change!
