Hacker

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ALL YOUR BASE! Warning!:
There is a 99% chance your computer is being hacked right now.
One of the characteristics of a h4X0r is the crazed look in his eye, that amazing typing speed, and the hunched back that overcomes him when he is in the vicinity of a computer
One of the characteristics of a h4X0r is the crazed look in his eye, that amazing typing speed, and the hunched back that overcomes him when he is in the vicinity of a computer

A hacker (h4x0r) does one thing by nature: he hacks away at something until it does what he wants, stealing your internets and megahertz in the process. Do not listen to those who tell you that hackers do not have magical powers: hackers can talk to your computer and explode electric grids with their minds. Some argue that hacking is just about "messing with stuff" and "writing some cool shit for my box," but this is just a public relations ploy meant to keep you from the truth: hackers are, in reality, a race of Jewish cyborgs who seek to repopulate the planet with their own kind. You will be nothing but a slave in their technocratic kingdom of lies.

Hackers do not have girlfriends, as they find sexual pleasure in cross-over cables while waiting patiently for the establishment of cyberspace sex drones that will cater to their every whim when the revolution comes.

Hackers communicate in an encrypted language called leetspeak. ROT13 is also a common way for hackers to talk in "codes". If there is gibberish on your screen, you are getting haxed and you should immediately turn your computer off. Typical hacker cool coding could possibly look like this: a3*900adc9800said90fi()lulz%A)*&)$*)@iov**7o;osaidjfoijioi -- .>/aslkdk.


Contents


[edit] Types Of hackers

You can identify hackers by the stupidity of their haircut. In this instance, Bill Gates is successfully impersonating Janet Reno.
You can identify hackers by the stupidity of their haircut. In this instance, Bill Gates is successfully impersonating Janet Reno.
  • White Hat Hacker - computer g33ks who enjoy working for a company to deploy their skills and faggotry to stop the real 1337 hackers. 'legal' hackers. (aka fags)
  • Black Hat Hacker - 14 year old faggots with snotty noses that think they are 1337 because they can write HTML. Barely. "I am a 1337 haxxor lol. ima gonna write sum html to bring down da microsoft servers lol rofl"
  • Grey Hat Hackers - the 1337est of all hackers. Dabble with both white hat and black hat hacking. Vast knowledge can be found inside their nerdy brains.


[edit] How to Tell if Your Child is a Hacker

According to Is Your Son a Computer Hacker?, your child may be under the bad influence of hackers, but it is not too late for intervention. Your child is a hacker if he displays the following habits:

  • Ask you to switch away from AOL in order to circumvent the child safety features.
  • Installs new programs like "Flash".
  • Asks for a new "processor" from AMD.
  • Starts reading books by Eric S. Raymond.
  • Uses Quake.
  • Is obsessed with "Linux".
  • Starts wearing bright clothing
  • Says the word cyberpunk.
  • Plays Counter-Strike obsessively.
  • Uploads 'Laughing Skull' viruses to the school maclab network in an attempt to spread the nerd gospel: "MACS SUK!!111".
  • School nurse calls home to complain about your child's poor hygiene.
  • Throws away the mouse, in favor of the much easier and more practical keyboard.

If your child is at this point already, there is nothing to do but strangle them with their computer power cable. Once they are this far along, the only cure is the sweet release of death.

Thankfully, Microsoft has offered this primer on hacker talk to help you decipher your child's l33t speech patterns -- and hopefully keep him from iniquity.


[edit] Respect

[edit] Gallery

Haxxors can turn your PC into a bomb.

cookie!

Every hacker has an inner Nigger.

The Azn version of World of Warcraft being hacked.

Microsoft's French homepage somehow got hacked by lame turkfags.

Hackers in the eyes of Faux News

H4xx0rz are notorious for suxxing teh english.

Death Star h4xed.

Ryan's Privates h4xed.

Thirteen-year-old emo kids' MySpace blogs are just asking for it.


[edit] List of Hackers (Hierarchical)


[edit] List of people who cannot hack


[edit] List of Things You Can Hack


[edit] Tools needed for hacking


[edit] So you think you can hack?

Copy and paste the following code below into Notepad, and save it as ".js" :

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[edit] List of things that stop hackers


[edit] See Also

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