Fat

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He came.

Not yet but he's close.

A word that describes about 95% of all LJ; actually, about 95% of all on the internets. Also, one who cannot fit into MRIs.

Calling someone a "fucking fat fatty fuck" isn't tautological in a flame war.

[edit] Fat Characteristics

A fatty is without exception angry, bitter, cynical and oftentimes not funny at all (See Numa Numa). They like to eat, talk trash with their Internet tough guy personas, eat, act petty, eat, cry about how this shallow and materialistic world is so unjust to their kind, and most importantly, eat. They prefer to be referred to as manatees, whales, or cows. Also, some fat people are so flabby that they cannot wash the stinking sweat and grime off the insides of their countless rolls, and sooner or later they will start to rot away... but only after they have eaten an amount of food that could've fed a thousand Darfurian refugees. Sometimes they find said food hidden under their fat folds after several days. This is considered a treat of extra food.

In railway terminology this is what you call a Caboose.

YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG

It's hungry..

[edit] Fat Writing

While reading the good_sex, one could stumble upon an entry such as this one (see talk page for Cuntpaste job of the friends only entry). While the other does not wish to imply it, the reader can infer that the author is a serious fatty.

[edit] Fat Mentality

Fat people possess fat mentality, which subscribes to the following assumptions:

I am not fat, I am BBW (see "Euphemisms").
It is not my fault I am fat.
Because I am fat, I can be a bitch.
If I'm a bitch and people don't like me, it's because I am fat, and they are racists.
Real women have curves.
Men who like thin women are secretly gay.
You must change the airplane seats to fit my enormous fat ass.

Some say that the fat mentality is the main reason fat people are unattractive. This is a lie. Fat people are unattractive because they are a bloated mockery of the human form.

RUN AWAY WHEN SOMEONE FAT DANCES

You

[edit] Fat people like

Food, and insulting You

[edit] Fat people hate

Diets
Being told they're fat
Being told why they're fat
Exercise
Skinny people (although, they could just eat them)
Jumping
You

They really don't like you.

[edit] Obesity and Oral Sex

It should be noted that fat chicks give great head. Fat girls give the best head because they're always hungry, but caution must be taken. In cases of too much enthusiasm, a fat woman may take ejaculation as the time to bite and swallow anything in her mouth. This is also because they are accustomed to putting large amounts of food in their mouths at all times, and crave hot meaty sticks shoved down their gullets. Furthermoar, due to natural selection, fat chicks often lack a gag reflex, because they need that extra space for all of the food. It should be obvious that any fat chick with a working gag reflex has a built-in solution to her problem of being fat! Fat chicks who do not give great head are probably fat dykes. Research is inconclusive regarding fat men and cunnilingus. For information on fat men and fellatio, please see gay.

[edit] How Fat People Should be Treated

Written at least 100 years ago by Thomas Jefferson, the Declaration of Independence states that all people are created equal. However, fatties are not people, and besides, who cares what a slave fucker like Thomas Jefferson says, amirite? Therefore, mass extermination of fatties is recommended and even encouraged by God himself.

Do it for great justice, and for the lulz.

[edit] Weight Loss Advice for Fatties

You fucking wish.

Sign up for the Biggest loser.
Stop eating.
Throw up.
Stop eating.
Quit IRL.
Stop eating.
Do a fucking pushup.
Stop eating.
Post noodz on BBWChan.
Stop eating.
Don't bash Barbie looking girls because you can't get a boyfriend.
Stop eating.
Go on Dr. Phil.
Stop eating.
Throw away all your clothes, and buy clothes in your ideal size. Go naked until the shame gives you an eating disorder and you finally drop 200 kilos.
Stop eating.
Join nonuglyfats or rejectedchubbys PROTIP: You do not have to be nonugly to be accepted by Nonuglyfats.
Stop eating.
Get rejected by pro-ana/pro-mia Livejournal groups.
Stop eating.
Sue McDonald's.
Stop eating.
Take a lot of diet pills.
Stop eating.
Get liposuction.
Stop eating.
Get a doc to chop your stomach out
Stop eating.
Troll by posting pics of yourself on forums.
Stop eating.
Become an hero. (Death by lard-filled heart doesn't count.)
Stop eating.
You may find this enjoyable. Let's face it, you're never gonna get laid anyway.
Srsly: stop eating.
Don't wear thongs that contain staples.
Stop eating.
Don't wear thongs. srsly
Stop eating.
????
PROFIT

[edit] Epithets

A helpful guide.

[edit] Fatty

Calling anyone a fatty is a great way to troll them on instant messengers that allow you to send voice clips. Just make sure they know you think they're a disgusting overweight mess and you have won half the battle.

Examples

[[1]] [[2]] [[3]]

[edit] Whale

A Whale is a derogatory term for a fat girl or woman. See also Fat whore. Whales are generally considered good at giving blowjobs. They have to, or else they would never get any cock. They also swallow since they are always hungry. Sex with whales is usually known as whale hunting. A common sub-variety of whale is the Welfare whale.

[edit] Euphemisms

I'm stunned by her beauty.

Fat women will never refer to themselves as "fat". They will use other, gentler words to describe their disgusting obesity. If you see a fatty use any of the following words to describe his or herself, please correct them:

[edit] Heavy

Fat girls will often describe other fat girls as heavy (or heavyset). Example:

Normal person: "Hey, I'm looking for this stupid fat bitch, was she here?"

Fatty: "Excuse me, but did you see a heavy woman here?"

Note: Do not confuse with "top heavy", which means huge boobs (see Scarlet)

[edit] Chubby

A chubby girl is a fat girl who thinks she is proportionate. In reality, a chubby girl is not proportionate.

The problem with the adjective "chubby" that sets it apart from the other euphemisms is that fat girls who describe themselves as "chubby" are in total denial of their fatness. The following exchange is not uncommon with a fat girl:

Normal person: "Wow, you're fat."

Fatty: "No I'm not, I'm chubby."

Note: Truly proportionate girls are top heavy (see above) and callipygous.

[edit] Curvy

Fat women like to justify their lard filled asses by saying that they are curvy or voluptuous as opposed to fat. This is a brazen fucking lie. Fat feminazi whores believe that they are equal in hawtness to Bettie Page or Sophia Loren, because of their tit sizes. This is not true, as curvy women are actually attractive. Any fatass who does this is only lying to herself and deserves to burn in a fire. It just confuses people to the point where women are offended by men who call them "curvy" because of the fat fucks using the term to describe themselves, when men are actually giving them a compliment.

A similar incident happened on the hit TV show I Love New York, but no one really gave a shit, because she is an ugly Negress who looks like a goddamn plastic muppet. The results of said offensive comment were somewhat lulzy.

[edit] BBW

I see the big, I see the woman, I don't see the beautiful . . .

BBW stands for "Big Beautiful Woman", but really it just means "fat". Other more appropriate translations for this acronym are "Bulbous Beastly Whore", "Bloated Beached Whale", or "Big Bulging Waistline".

Fat women think they can get away with calling themselves "beautiful" if they qualify it with "big". This is not true. It can also mean "Big Black Woman/Whale/Whore".

BBWs are also eatbeasts, who happen to have seven chins coated in pickle juice.

This is also the term preferred by so-called FAs, or fat admirers.

[edit] SSBBW

"Super Sized Big Beautiful Women". What extremely fat women call themselves. Like "Stuck-in-the-bathtub" fat.

[edit] Rubenesque

Often found in personal ads or used by fatties attempting to "take pride" in their fatness. Peter Paul Rubens was a 16/17th century painter. Many of his paintings show women with fat rolls, exaggerated ass cleavage and cellulite ripples.

[edit] Bear

This is what fat hairy men like to be called, if they are gay and most likely closet fur-fags. The whole Bear scene reeks of rotten ass. Whilst at one point hailed as an alternative to gay body fascism, it's now just another money-making label for homo. Being fat doesn't give immunity to AIDS, but it does ward off non-BBW's. Hence, gay.

[edit] Big-boned

This euphemism is used by both sexes as a means of mitigating the fact that they are enormous hambeasts. This is meant to make the fact that they are such colossal lardasses seem like a natural phenomenon, and completely beyond their control, by insinuating that they have very large bones. It is most often used in defense of ones monolithic proportions, but unfortunately for those that use this euphemism nobody buys this bullshit, mostly because it is bullshit. (PROTIP: Offer to pay for an all you can eat buffet for them if they can prove they are big-boned by going to a doctor for an X-ray.)

[edit] Other

What they want you to think

Eggplant-shaped
Full-figured
Thick
Mammoth

[edit] Chubby Chaser

A chubby chaser is someone who loves "chubby" girls only. This can be for one of two reasons (or both); He is either fat and ugly himself and needs to take advantage of bitches with low self-esteem, or he needs a woman who cannot run fast enough to get away from him.

Many Chubby Chasers choose to live in blissful denial that there is anything '"perverse" or indeed "unnatural" about the desire to copulate with giant wobbling grease-coated fatsacks. In fact, some have even been known to be seen in public with their hyperfleshed darlings. However, in 2004, sexpert Yosuf Sindinchilchrun of the University of Newcastle UK carried out extensive studies and identified Chubby Chasing as "worse than being ghey, since even gheys don't feel the need to bring fat people home to meet their suicidally ashamed parents."

[edit] Health Problems Associated with Obesity

Fat People are often depressed.

Obesity is a huge health hazard. Out of all the obesity-related diseases, the top one is Eyeburn, which comes from looking at fat people naked. Since people can't control their weight (thanks to jobs that make them sit down all day), obese people must shut their eyes real tight when they are naked and near a mirror or they will become ill.

This can also generate lulz, like this one.

Occasionally, being fat can cause mental health problems, such as insanity. This is the only possible explanation for why this video even exists. It can also present other brain-related problems, such as loss of coordination, as in the tragic case of the Grape Lady.

The final disease suffered by fatties is the dreaded Diabeetus, which prevents them from eating the sugary junkfood for which they live.

"Sure they're easy to catch...But who want's to fiddle with a fatty?"

[edit] Secret Fatty

Sometimes abbreviated as "SIF" for "Secret Internet Fatty." A secret fatty is a person who takes photos with the camera angled from above to hide their girth from the camera. Secret fatties are heavily afflicted by the internet disease. For more information on techniques used by secret fatties, see article on fat girl angle shot. to view an example, look at missalyssum

[edit] Fat Sports

Typical fatty antics.

Your mom was evidently big enough to fill up four fat bitches.

There have been many fat sports but only a few of them are amusing.

1. COMPETITIVE EATING
2. EATING BABIES.
3. EATING Dissected-chan
4. MOAR DOUBLE-CHIN CONTEST: for the benefit of Chin-chan
5. FUGLIEST FAT-ANGLE SHOT COMPETITION
6. DEEPEST FAT VAGOO CONTEST
7. LONGEST STRETCH MARKS LEAGUE

All fat sports require very little exercise and a lot of humiliation. See how kind we are? You ungrateful shit.

[edit] Too fat=far worse than too skinny

This giraffe is a lot healthier than it was before.

The fat mentality is that it's OK to weigh a metric ton and that it's the skinny population's fault that being a gargantuan lardass is perceived as bad.

Let's just say that yeah, it's a horrible thing that we're forcing you to take extreme measures to drop the gallons of blubber that you brought upon yourself, but could we be subconsciously doing you a favor? Would you rather spend the rest of your miserable ten or so years of life being wedged in small chairs that aren't meant to cater to your fat ass, sucking down concentrated fat by the truckload until your arteries harden, before you're forklifted out of your house through the removed front wall onto three stretchers and riding an ambulance on its axles to a hospital where they can't give you that dire quadruple bypass because there's too much goddamn lard to dig through?

Here's your incentive, fatasses. Drop the fork and get on the treadmill. Stop kidding yourself into thinking it's OUR fault that you're a repulsive sack of fat. It's your fault that you decided it proper to waste your entire 20 years of life dedicating yourself to wrecking your body and our eyesight.

[edit] Reactions to this article

Will do.

As with most of the content on Encyclopædia Dramatica, this page has caused quite a few angry reactions and lulzy rants from butthurt readers. And since the offended party in this case is comprised of fatasses, it makes everything just a little bit lulzier. For examples of the aforementioned whining, see this article's talk page.

The Whale Exhibit

Myspace whale eating metal.

You know you like it.

FAT ADMIN!

This whale tried to blend in at a wedding.

[Collapse Gallery] [Expand Gallery] 0

The pole is rated for 400 lbs. maximum weight limit...which isn't enough for this.	Go ahead, she's waiting...	Because fatties cannot reach their private areas, they must resort to alternative methods of masturbation.	BBW: only one of the adjectives fits.
Not a goddess, quite the fatty.	More to love, more to hate - an example of blindness-inducing image, featuring areems.	Actual quote from the livejournal of AlanaJonze: "flu + bleeding + chemo = unhappy pirate syndrome for which i am the postergirl."	When their gravitational pull attracts them, it's impossible to get them apart.
Being obese has its advantages.	Fatties often mistake sex for food.	Or try to mix sex and food.	Fat blocks sex gland receptors.
The only type of person fat people seem to hook up with.	Fatty with moose knuckle.	"I'm melllttiiiing... I'm meeelllttiiiing..."	Luke Skywalker's mother?
Sexy time for the "big-boned."	If you're quiet, you can hear it singing.	Pwned	Letting it all hang out.
Fat in all the right places.	This zombie is fat.	Fat people plz step away from the camera.	Fat Emo, habitat: myspace
Typical Asian parenting.	John Travolta is also fat.	Fucking fatties in #ed.	Typical fatty.
GOOD LORD O MIGHTY!	Fat bitch is fat.	Even fat people do cosplay. Dear god.	The only thing fat girls are good for....
Fat whores like Bean often suffer under the delusion that they're actually beautiful.	At 530 pounds, thesugarmonster drinks out of a menstrual cup.	MAN THE HARPOONS	thx 4 teh add!!!
Proper treatment of those who choose to offend visually.	OMG another fat asian baby!	No, you may not eat flowers..fatass...	HOOOOOOOOOLY SHIT!
Look mom, I'm in a rock band!	Don't laugh at this man. He might pour antifreeze in your drink lolol.	Futhman, LJDrama's token fatty.	Corsets do not work, fatty!
A winner is you!	cheese?!?!	A secret fatty would never take a picture like this.	Fat fuck getting what he deserves.
Furfags invade every conceivable thing imaginable.	Nobody likes a fat kid	It's a little known fact that Kate Moss is actually pretty fat.	If you own one of these, you are probably fat and a really good chance you will be dying alone.
All fatties worship Mayor McCheese	A fatty in natural habitat	Poserscenesteritis meets Teh Fat. And teh plastic-doll shitty Photoshop-ing.	Shhh. Don't tell anyone Marlon Brando here ate the dog.
Fat bitches	First KFC opening ever. ACHTUNG: it makes you fat, niggas.	RUN!!! SHE'S GONNA EAT YOUR COCK!!!	Fatty tries to eat her own foot.
She's happy on the outside, blubber~~ing~~ on the inside.	Beware of whale.	John Cleese assesses a wild fupa (fucked up pussy area).	Fat women give head because they're hungry.
7th level of attention whoredom.	That dildo must be having a blast.	TNH.	If you look closely they say a chair will appear.
a gaiafag/camwhore who loves her pendulous bags of fat.	over 300 pounds meet "BBW" Bev Sepe/armstrong.	Fat Princess