Hamlet
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Hamlet is another one of about 9000 plays written by that fag William Shakespeare at least 100 years ago. It's said to be one of his most popular plays, even though absolutely nothing interesting happens whatsoever until every single character dies.
Contents |
[edit] Plot
An emo kid named Hamlet goes crazy and sees his daid's ghost. His daid says that his bro, Claudius, killed him with ear poison (lame) so he could fuck his wife and be king. Oddly, no one seemed to realize this earlier, considering right after the king died Claudius fucked the king's widow in public and became king.
For some reason some other characters are there, like this old senile dude named Bolonius or something and his two kids, a whore and another emo kid. Hamlet rapes the whore and kills her daid--because he's crazy like that--and then the whore goes crazy herself. And then she drowns, because everyone knows when you go crazy you drown.
After a bunch of pointless shit happens, Hamlet fucks his mom and has buttsaix with the other emo kid, and somehow everyone that anyone would give a shit about gets either stabbed or poisoned. There are also a bunch of other characters that do stuff but no one gives a shit about them. Ironically, they are the only ones that live.
[[1]]
[edit] Characters
Hamlet - An emo kid who goes on a mass murdering spree because his dead daid told him to.
King Claudius - Some old dude who poisons people and fucks Hamlet's mom.
Queen Gertrude - A bitch who totally doesn't want to fuck her son.
Laertes - Another emo kid who wants to fuck Hamlet.
Ophelia - Some whore who wants to fuck Hamlet. But goes insane and drowns in a shallow river of gay.
Horatio - Hamlet's butt-buddy who doesn't do anything except not die. He probably secretly wants to fuck Hamlet.
Lord Polonius - Another old dude who doesn't do anything but talk a lot.
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern - Shakespeare's Mary-Kate and Ashley. They try to have a threesome with Hamlet.
Osric - He's gay. No one cares.
Fortinbras - Another guy that no one gives a shit about but somehow lives.
Ghost - Hamlet's daid that rapes people in their sleep if they don't repost MySpace bulletins.
[edit] Trivia
- Shakespeare originally planned for the entire cast to have an on-stage orgy in the finale. But since all actors back then were guys and were afraid of coming out of the closet because they would be burned as a witch, they killed each other instead.
[edit] Incarnations
The Lion King is best known for being a Hamlet rip-off. Other movies that are rip-offs of Hamlet are:
- Mean Girls
- Superman II
- A Night in Paris
- Pulp Fiction
- Jurassic Park
- Back to the Future
- Godfather III
- Caddyshack
- Hamlet 2099
