Miley Cyrus
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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[edit] Hannah Montana
Hannah Montana is Miley's alter ego, similar to Garth Brooks' Chris Gays persona. (It is also known that The Hannah Part of Miley has mind controlling powers similar to Oprah Winfrey's) . The Hannah Montana character originally began as a role playing fantasy between Miley and her father, where she pretended to be blonde, sluttier, and therefore somewhat less repulsive. However, Billy Ray soon had an earth shattering brainstorm and figured that the character could be sold to other molesters in the form of live performances and printed media. Since then, Hannah Montana has become a household name, more popular than all previous child pornography icons, even the Olsen Twins, Jon-Benet Ramsey, and that girl from The Big Comfy Couch.
The whole thing is pretty much the only reason Disney is still broadcasting. Back in 2006, Disney debuted the show Hannah Montana. The show is about Miley Stewart, a 14-year-old girl from Tennessee living in the asshole of the universe. Basically, she's really this pop (they say rock, however wrong and demeaning that is to actual music) star, but keeps it a secret so she can live a normal life. The way she does this is by just putting on a wig, and it actually manages to trick people. Miley even dates a person who also lives a double live. Because she's such an insecure whore, she actually has friends that don't just clusterfuck her for the lulz (at least, not in any of the television episodes. However, it is shown on DVD versions of the show). Stupid concept, right? Any 13-year-old girl would disagree.
[edit] The Concerts
Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus concerts generally consist of thousands of prepubescent girls, and the occasional pedophile. Tickets to these concerts are so expensive that many a family have gone bankrupt by just buying one ticket. Of course the venues are always a giant clusterfuck of 13-year old girls and creepy old men feeling them up. Concerts are generally epic failures that consists of Miley going on stage first with her molester of a father, followed by her running off stage and reappearing as her dumb blond alter ego (as if we didn't know that they were the same person). Her songs are generally terribly and awfully lip singed followed by her thousands of fans going insane. To further prove that she is nothing but Disney's fucktoy, her programs are filled with advertisements for shitty Disney games and other faggots like The Jonas Brothers.
"7 Things" music video director Brett Rattner talking about Miley's core audience:
[edit] Internet Photo Scandal
| —Billy Ray Cyrus |
Last thursday, several Vanity Fair photos taked by Annie "Jew" Lezbowitz (whose photography ruined many stars such as John Lennon) surfaced on the internets of Miley in provocative poses, resulting in many epic lulz. In this series, Miley is striking several suggestive poses, laying on her father's crotch and is even topless covered in a sheet. Now Disney is in panic mode once again with one of their major stars in a risque photo scandal. The photos were reminiscent of the almost identical Vanessa Hudgens scandal that had occurred the year before, except that in this case, it was an A list celebrity, someone cared, and she continued to have a career. There was also some drama about lesbian sex and shooped pregnancy rumors. In other words, Miley is just like every other disney female star. A WHORE. Expect to see photos Ashley Titsdale on the internet with her putting a gun up to someones head or some other shit like that. Worse thing the Tizz has is getting a rhinoplasty for get a new nose that is rumored to shoot AIDS. [1]
Of course, after the vanity fair scandal Miley promised that it wouldn't happen again, but 3 weeks later she released MOAR whore-ish pictures.
Some People are now looking foward to her future sex tape, which will come out once her show is over. Hopefully, it won't be filmed in that awful green light.
[edit] Miley Embarrassed
After news broke out of Miley's photo scandal, the teen pop star claimed to be extremely embarrassed about the ordeal, insisting that she was only doing the photos for fun. IRL, everyone knows it has something to do with her fugly, gay looking boyfriend Nick Jonas. However, most parents whose children who are fans of the slutty teen have already had to confront their children about the ordeal. A lot of parents claim the photos to be something of a pedophile/child pornography situation. Miley has said that she will never make a mistake like this again and that she learned her lesson. (But we all just know the real reason why is that Disney most likely told her that if she doesn't cut the shit she'll be fired.)
[edit] Hubbard Montana
Much like a 40 year old offering school children a ride home and candy, John Travolta is luring innocent Miley to the Church of Scientology. It is possible that Miley is being targeted by Travolta for the role of "Commodore's Messenger" when L. Ron Hubbard is reincarnated. Commodore's Messengers are teenage girls who served Hubbard hand and foot, fixing his shower, dressing him, and catching the ash from his cigarette and I'm not even joking.
[edit] Controversy
Miley Cyrus has caused her fair share of drama on the internets and IRL.
On multiple occasions, photos have been released of Miley in her underwear or showing off her bra. This was a dream come true for pedos everywhere, but not so much for parents of brats who idiolize the slut.
In the most hilarious Miley-related controversy to date, a shooped photo of a J-14 magazine article appeared, claiming that Miley was pregnant. A particularly lulzy version of the rumor claimed that Nick Jonas was the babydaddy. Upon the rumors being released, over 9000 fangirls everywhere ran to defend their precious rolemodel (see comments on this article). This made them easy targets for trolls. Even after the rumor was disproved, trolls continued to piss off fans by insinsting that the debunking was fake and she was, indeed, pregnant (see trolling type #1). Some even went so far as the impersonate her (see the comments of this article).
A much less lulzy drama outbreak invovled Miley not wearing her seatbelt in a scene of her Best of Both Worlds Tour Movie. At least 100 newspapers and magazines bitched and moaned that by not encouraging seatbelt safty, Miley was becoming a bad role model for their children.
[edit] ha ha ha WHORE
Last Thursday, a hacker claimed to have hacked into Miley's phone and gotten private pictures allegedly sent to Nick Jonas of The Jonas Brothers. Nothing new, but this time there were actual n00dz. Pedophiles everywhere simultaneuosly combusted at the site of Miley's clean, virginal, Christian and most of all underaged titties.
[edit] The Future of Miley
According to a reliable news source, "at current usage levels, Miley Cyrus will be drained dry of entertainment value by 2013." Dr. Justin Canty from the Institue for Sustainable Cyrus Use predicts that unless we cut back on our Miley use or alternative sources are discovered, our society that has grown dependent on it will collapse, and humanity will be reduced to "roving tribes of barbarians constantly searching and fighting and scouring the landscape for the last remaining Hannah Montana source." LOL WUT.
[edit] Pics
 She did |
 This is the only Hannah Montana item I'd buy. Period. |
 Miley and an old friend. |
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 Miley out for a stroll. |
 Hannah Montana promotional shot. Target demographic could not be determined. |
 Leaked photo of a classy and dignified Miley Cyrus posing for the camera. |
 gorgeous shoop. |
 Alcohol? Tsk Tsk. |
 Whoring her flatness as usual, SHE HAS NO BOOBS. |
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 Does she ever stop?! |
 The show's co-stars, Emily Osmentand Mitchel Musso. Emily ain't that bad, actually. |
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Miley Cyrus is part of a series on Whores. |
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Miley Cyrus is part of a series on Child Abuse. |
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Categories: People | Sex | Music
