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Heaven's Gate

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Ooooh shit!111 Interesting Fact:
This article contains an hero.
The Heaven's Gate Away Team has left the building.
The Heaven's Gate Away Team has left the building.
One does not simply Zerg rush into Heaven's Gate.
One does not simply Zerg rush into Heaven's Gate.
Nike: the preferred shoe of astronuts everywhere.
Nike: the preferred shoe of astronuts everywhere.
"How do I shots Beam Me Up Scotty?"
"How do I shots Beam Me Up Scotty?"

Led by certified bicurious kook and attention whore Marshall Herff Applewhite, the Heaven's Gate cult were a California based, batshit crazy UFO 'religion'. They believed that they could ride on a Jesus powered spaceship that was hiding behind the comet Hale-Bopp if they drank Kool-Aid upon its arrival.

Sometime in the mid-90's, Herff and his cultists moved into a mansion in San Diego, where they practiced an ascetic lifestyle, denying themselves alcohol and sex. The cultists were known for their love of Star Trek, The X-Files, and computers. During this period, some cult members worked as website designers, leading some to suggest that the internets was related to their mass-heroism.

In April, 1997, Comet Hale-Bopp appeared and so the cult beamed up to the awaiting spaceship. 39 bodies were found dead in bunk beds, flat on their backs clad in black pants, black shirts, brand new black Nikes, and purple armbands reading "Heaven's Gate Away Team". Their faces were covered with purple cloths, a nod to the shrouds of Christian penance. Each member carried $5.00 in quarters for use on the spaceship which Jesus had kindly pimped out with an arcade and vending machines.

The cultists died by taking barbituates mixed into pudding with a shot of vodka back. They sealed the deal by putting plastic bags over their heads and hitting themselves with bricks [1].

The Heaven's Gate cult were heeding the words of the Prophet Isaiah:

 
 
Set thine house in order; for thou shalt die and not live. Wear Nikes for great justice bitches!
 

 

—Isaiah

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Heaven's Gate is part of a series on Cults.


Image:Anhero_icon.gif Heaven's Gate is part of a series on An Hero.


Heaven's Gate is part of a series on Scientology

LOL TECH: Scientology - Dianetics - Disconnection - Child Abuse - Scientology's History of the Universe - Sec Check - Freewinds - Sea Org - Glossary - Religious Freedom Watch - Volunteer Ministers - OSA
SCILONS: L. Ron Hubbard - David Miscarriage - Tom Cruise - Scientology Agents - Footbullet Man - Rogues Gallery - Suri Cruise - Terryeo - Heaven's Gate - The Regime - Evil Jacket Guy - Joe Feshbach - VaLLarrr - Anonymous Hate Group - Jake Vigil - John Carmichael - Freezone - Captain Bill Robertson - Danny Masterson - Will Smith
NOTORIOUS SPs: Anonymous - Wise Beard Man - Jason Beghe - Gas Mask Girl - Magoo - New Zealand Fail Guy - Message from Scientology - Shawn Lonsdale - Rorschach - New York Nurse - Moralfags - Raidfag Wench - James Packer - Epic Nose Guy - Stu Wyatt - Tommy Gorman - Psychiatrists - Marcab Confederacy
ENTURBULULZ: PROJECT CHANOLOGY (portal page) - Enturbulation - A Scientologist's Guide to 4chan - The Geterator - Mrfetch - ReligionIsFree.org - You Found the Card - /i/ - alt.religion.scientology - Complete binge of LEAKED SCILON DOX
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