Henry Kissinger
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Henry Alfonso "Poncho" Kissmyassenger✡ is a sly international criminal who gained recognition as part of the comedy act Kiss my Dick, along with Richard Nixon during the 1970s, and later as Gerald Ford's scheming collaborator. Currently he's on the lam. Any attempts to subdue Kissinger will be met with swift Justice from his Magic Murder Bag.
A Central European Jew, Henry made it to Washington bringing along a lot of Jewish resentment. He served the man and by extent the mongrel populace of diverse continents through his righteous implementing of anticommunism and upholding of traditional American values and liberties.
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Background
Kissinger is a graduate of the City College of New York where he was a founder of the secret society Get Rid Of Slimy bitcheS (G.R.O.S.S.). While his public persona was that of the stereotypical bored Jew, Poncho began to participate in a number of comedy albums and B-movies. The knowledge of show business gave him the necessary skills to treat people like whores--which eventually would be of great use in his political and diplomatic careers.
Kissinger rose to national prominence as Nixon's National Security Adviser, a position from where he began to cultivate his voracious sexual appetite. In short time, Kissinger amassed moar and moar power by collecting sex films featuring large amounts of compromising and potentially dangerous information on many important and famous people, including Alexander Haig, David Rockefeller, Rev. Jerry Falwell, Liza Minnelli, and future first lady Rosalyn Carter. Allegedly, the jewel of this collection was a 16mm hardcore short film from around 1947, featuring a young George H. W. Bush "in unnatural acts with a turkey."
An extensive investigation of Kissinger's files by the FBI in 2005 showed that Poncho maintains the tapes, and still polishes his candlestick frequently with them.
Foreground
At the height of his popularity, Kissinger was even considered sexy, earning him the nickname 'Ass Hungry'.
After the Watergate scandal, he managed to come out clean of that shithole, continuing in power as the good traitor he was. His sex habits changed a bit; by 1980, after he left the government, he declared to the press that he "would not date women who don't use moistened tissue on visits to the toilet, as they are not completely clean." He insisted that potential female suitors must not rely solely on toilet tissues in the bathroom, even advising to "make the switch to [the recently introduced] baby wipes if they don't already use them." He told the Washington Post, "If they're using dry paper, they aren't washing all of themselves. It's just unclean. So if I go inside a woman's house and see the toilet paper there, I'll explain this. And if she doesn't make the adjustment to baby wipes, I'll know she's not completely clean."
| —Henry Kissinger, on 60 minutes. |
Kissinger also became known as much for his crusades for the Jew World Dominance, and other political causes as he was for buttsecks. He further demonstrated a violent reputation for his public outbursts and antics. In 1971, he was arrested for assault and battery against his then mistress, the porn actress Kathy Hilton. Kissinger was sentenced to two months in jail and later, to four months in drug treatment for repeatedly failing drug tests while on probation.
For his love and devotion in toppling governments, starting genocide, and killing infidels, he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1973, which also happened to be the day that irony died.
Pwnage record
Kissinger also has been notable as the brain behind the pwnage of a number of international and local personalities:
- Salvador Allende, Chilean president
- Aldo Moro, Italian prime minister
- Ali Bhutto, Pakistani president
- Richard Nixon
- People from Cambodia, Vietnam, India, Cyprus, Turkey, Egypt, Pakistan, Rhodesia, Indonesia, and from Argentina, Uruguay and Chile through Operation Condor
- Eventually, you
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