How to become an hero
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| Interesting Fact: This article contains an hero. |
So you've fucked up. It's alright. It happens to even the best of us, except you fucked up even harder than anyone else. You have decided to take that step to become an hero. Well, awesome job. Here is a checklist that may help with the tedious and sometimes messy process of becoming an hero.
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[edit] Stop! Before you Begin
Have you gone over your Final Solution Checklist?
- Is your problem large enough that making your Livejournal Friends Only fails to calm things down?
- Have large amounts of drugs and/or alcohol failed to help soften the effects of your problem?
- Have complete rewrites, buying a dog, deleting your Youtube videos, or never drinking again failed to resolve the problem?
If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then you are ready to become an hero.
[edit] Safety Hazards
It is important that you, the consumer, are aware as required by law the dangers and risks involved with becoming an hero. An hero is considered a High-Level Final Solution, and is irreversable. This Final Solution tends to have the most drama yield, as illustrated by the equation
D = mc2
where
- D = The amount of drama generated
- m = How good of a job you do in carrying out becoming an hero
- c = over 9000 squared
Keep in mind that becoming an hero has the potential to produce lulz as a byproduct.
[edit] Methods Of Becoming An Hero
There are various methods at which you may chose to become an hero, each one generating its own unique type of drama.
[edit] Standard Method
[edit] Myspace Method
One of the most common forms, this version employs the help of the love and support of the Myspace Community in order to help you become an hero. Steps are as follows:
- Grab some razorblades
- Dye your hair jet black, and wear it like you can't afford a trip to Hair Cuttery
- Post a Myspace Bulletin telling everyone that you are hardcore
- ????
- Profit!!!!1
This method has serious flaws, including the highest chance that your mission to become an hero will not succeed, since if you chose this option, then you are most likely a pussy to begin with.
[edit] School Method
Another extremely common form. An Heroism usually follows after a chronic case of Troll's Remorse that develops after receiving the profit.
- Get your dad's gun
- Write an e-mail to your school's administration outlining your intent
- Bring in the gun for show and tell
- ????
- Profit!
This method also has a very high failure rate, except that if you are to fail this method, there is a 99% likelyhood that you are going to be v&.
[edit] Henderson Method
A special form that has the high probability of generating a very large amount of lulz as byproduct. In some cases this can be enough lulz to spawn a meme.
[edit] Dwyer Method
Rare form, should only be attempted by those who are seriously hardcore.
- Be elected to a position of power in Harrisburg
- Steal a whole lot of money from the State of Pennsylvania
- Organize a press conference with as many Associated Press cameramen as you can find
- Pack a .38 Special in a brown paper envelope
- ????
- Profit.
[edit] So You Have Managed To Successfully Become An Hero
Congratulations! You are now dining in hell. Ask Leonidas if the service there is any good.
[edit] What Will Happen To You Now?
You will get to see the fruits of your hard labor. Typical results of a successful attempt to become an hero include:
- Memorial Stillframe on the 11:00 news
- Memorial Myspace
- Crying 16 year old girls
- ED Article on yourself
[edit] But wait, You Still Have Questions!
Oh just shut the fuck up and pull the trigga, nigga. Shoot first, ask questions later.
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[edit] See Also
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How to become an hero is part of a series on An Hero. |
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