Howard Stern

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

A young Howard Stern.

HAWT.

Howard Stern^✡, aka "Howard the Schmuck", is best known as "the greatest radio personality who has ever existed", according to himself and his fanboys, and has a two inch penis. Everyone who has ever lived has proclaimed him “King of Media”, or more accurately, “King of Jews”. However, despite assurances that he is an active member of the Jewish faith, Howard Stern is actually a devout, pwned Maharishi handmaiden like The Beatles.

Stern is famous for pioneering radio as we know it. Before Stern, sound clips of gay porn and 82-year-old women getting banged were non-existent. To this day, he still tries to capitalize upon this fact, not realizing how much of an IRL old meme he's become.

Early Years

Howard's moms

Howard grew up in Roosevelt, Long Island at least 100 years ago, where his mother forced him to stay in Roosevelt long after it had become a ~~predominantly African-American community~~ nigger infested pit of misery and failure. He spent most of his years in high school getting Jew whipped.

Stern went to Boston University where he had an uneventful schooling which consisted mostly of being a nerd and meeting his soon to be ex-wife. Somewhere in Boston University he learned to hate Boston and become lulz.

Also while attending Bovine University, he was able to invent things that were critical to human survival:

The radio
The internets
Breathing
Being a Jew
Vaginae
Locomotive walking
Man Town
Gay Bukkake Films (see below)
Pimping
Don Imus
Hair Metal

Radio Career

Despite appearances, she qualifies as a dwarf, retard and a porn star.

Howard Stern invented the radio transponder in the year 1922. Soon after inventing the radio talk show he turned the medium brutally funny. Sometime later in his career he met his co-host Robin Quivers. She is the radio equiv. of AIDS. She is what we call in the radio industry 'a black hole.' Not just because she's an nigra ho, but because she spends the entire show agreeing with Howard going "YEEEESSSS HOWARD". If you ever attempt to do a Robin Quivers impression, just do an 'even gayer' Snagglepuss impression.

Stern worked in several markets including Rochester, NY and Detroit, MI before realizing they fucking suck and were as bad as unemployment. For a long time he was heard in NYC on his Christian radio program, often debating the finer points of ethics and morality with representatives of the FCC and the Reverend Jerry Falwell. Howard during this time learned to make fun of retards, when lulz ensued, and "killed over 9000 other shitty radio personalities in cold blood! Tell 'em, Fred."

During his run of FM, he contributed much to the radio world, as stated before. He introduced midgets of all colors, heights, and levels of sobriety. He also invented (duh aren't you getting this, Howard invented everything) a tickle chair where he ties trannies to a chair and creeps over like Nosferatu to these women and tickles them for plugs (in the ass). Many people believe Howie does this to recreate his childhood when his Uncle Paulie would kiss him on the belly and make him dance in his bathing suit.

Last Thursday both CBS and the FCC decided they were sick of Howard pwning their airwaves, and making them a ton of money. So they tried to permaban him from radio for saying nigra at least 100 years ago. That shit completely backfired. Howard left the local airwaves and simply walked into satellite radio FTW, but only after Opie and Anthony beat him to the punch.

"Sirius" Business

photoshop, a jews best friend..

Now he is on Sirius Satellite radio, and therefore a "Sirius" Cat. They pay him half a billion dollars (or 30,000,000,000 Jew pennies) to do half-assed shows compared to his earlier radio escapades. During this time he came all over George Takei. George immediately returned the favor and this was taken by listeners as a mutual pact between Star Trek nerds and whore killing radio.

Howard Stern or as he's known by the Black Community "Patrick Jewing" hired a colostomy bag called Bubba the Love Sponge who has the effect of being raped up the ass by a horse. Bubba is known for shaving black men's pubes on the air in hopes of appealing to his 3 channel listeners.

Known for his hard hitting interviews of dwarfs, retards and porn stars. Also famous for: Jewy snoz, small penis, and sex with horse-faced attention whore Beth O.

The Howard Stern Show has a variety of retarded characters including:

Robin Quivers - a fat cunt
Gary Dell'Abate (a/k/a Baba Booey, Mama Monkey, Tata Toothy, Fafa Flunky, Baca Cockboy, Cucu Cunty) the asslicker who usually ends up doing all the legwork.
Artie Lange (a/k/a ~~Diego~~ Dago, WOP, guinea, the guy who pissed on me last night) - a fat very unfunny fuckhead. He has been confirmed to have diabeetus. On the other hand, Lange has more Hollywood cred than Howard Stern and all his friends combined, which often gives Howard the vapors.
Fred Norris (Life-O-Party Norris)- Nothing is known about him because noone gives a fuck.
KC Armstrong star of a gay bukkake film but is not gay, but batshit insane.
Richard Christie - Ex Iced Earth drummer and second rapist in the movie Deliverance
Sal Governale - Resident gimp

Whoring Himself

A rare picture of Stern without his wig.

One day, the CEO of Sirius Satellite Radio, Mel Karmazin, woke up from a 4 year ether binge and realized he signed the oldest Jew in the world for all of Liberia's deficit. So now Howard has become a salesman for Sirius working at a local Sears trying to pick up 16 year old girls despite the fact he has a limp penis. He goes on talk shows in a dress to 'shock' us despite the fact that 90% of the world have seen people fucking animals on the the internets.