Howard Stern
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Howard Stern✡, aka "Howard the Schmuck", was once a great IRL Troll however is now the biggest pussy and bore to have ever lived. He was once the self proclaimed King of All Media, but now the old bastard is the newly christened King of all Lemonparties.
Stern is famous for pioneering radio as we know it. Before Stern, sound clips of gay porn and 82-year-old women getting banged were non-existent. To this day, he still tries to capitalize upon this fact, not realizing how much of an IRL old meme he's become.
Contents |
Early Career
Howard grew up in Roosevelt, Long Island at least 100 years ago, where his mother forced him to stay in Roosevelt long after it had become a predominantly African-American community nigger infested pit of misery and failure. He spent most of his years in high school getting Jew whipped.
Stern went to Boston University where he had an uneventful schooling which consisted mostly of being a nerd and meeting his soon to be ex-wife. Somewhere in Boston University he learned to hate Boston and become lulz.
He spent his early years in radio on stations in Connecticut, Detroit, and Washington D.C., before moving to Jew York and working for WNBC, where he was promptly fired because lulz and NBC don't connect.
KROCK and Beyond
Howard moved from shit station WNBC to now shit station WXRK or, KROCK. From 1987-2005, Stern worked in KROCK, and during those years, Howard trolled many people, including guests, movie stars, entire races of people, and faggots.
Stern worked in several markets including Rochester, NY and Detroit, MI before realizing they fucking suck and were as bad as unemployment. For a long time he was heard in NYC on his Christian radio program, often debating the finer points of ethics and morality with representatives of the FCC and the Reverend Jerry Falwell. Howard during this time learned to make fun of retards, when lulz ensued, and "killed over 9000 other shitty radio personalities in cold blood! Tell 'em, Fred."
During his run of FM, he contributed much to the radio world, as stated before. He introduced midgets of all colors, heights, and levels of sobriety. He also invented (duh aren't you getting this, Howard invented everything) a tickle chair where he ties trannies to a chair and creeps over like Nosferatu to these women and tickles them for plugs (in the ass). Many people believe Howie does this to recreate his childhood when his Uncle Paulie would kiss him on the belly and make him dance in his bathing suit.
Last Thursday both CBS and the FCC decided they were sick of Howard pwning their airwaves, and making them a ton of money. So they tried to permaban him from radio for saying nigra at least 100 years ago. That shit completely backfired. Howard left the local airwaves and simply walked into satellite radio FTW, but only after Opie and Anthony beat him to the punch.
Now that Howie is on satellite radio, where he can say whatever he want's, instead he talks about unlulzy things such as Dancing with the Stars, American Idol, pop culture, what he had for lunch, emotional problems with his effeminate, incompetent staff, and of course, complaining about his job sucks even though it should be better than ever. He is afraid on the "n" word and won't touch edgy subjects, even though he can say whatever the fuck he wants. Hamptons Howie, as he is now known, is even jewier than ever. He doesn't work five days a week anymore, he takes off any holiday possible, even bullshit holidays like Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, leaves before 11 o'clock when he's supposed to work until, and takes off 20 weeks a year, yet he and his staff still complain about working, while gypping his fans that are still loyal to him.
"Sirius" Business
Now he is on Sirius Satellite radio, and therefore a "Sirius" Cat. They pay him half a billion dollars (or 30,000,000,000 Jew pennies) to do half-assed shows compared to his earlier radio escapades. During this time he came all over George Takei. George immediately returned the favor and this was taken by listeners as a mutual pact between Star Trek nerds and whore killing radio.
Howard Stern or as he's known by the Black Community "Patrick Jewing" hired a colostomy bag called Bubba the Love Sponge who has the effect of being raped up the ass by a horse. Bubba is known for shaving black men's pubes on the air in hopes of appealing to his 3 channel listeners. It could always be worse though.
Known for his hard hitting interviews of dwarfs, retards and porn stars. Also famous for: Jewy snoz, small penis, and being pussy whipped by his airheaded, horse-face, tranny, cunt wife, Beth-O.
The Howard Stern Show has a variety of retarded characters including:
- Robin Quivers - a fat cunt
- Gary Dell'Abate (aka Baba Booey, Boy Gary, Mac Hine) the ape-like producer who usually ends up doing all the grunt work.
- Artie Lange (aka dago, wop, guinea) - a fat and very unfunny fuckhead who contributes nothing to the show. On the other hand, Lange has more Hollywood cred than Howard Stern and all his friends combined, which often gives Howard the vapors.
- Fred Norris (Life-O-Party Norris)- A dirty Latvian who is the only cast member left from Stern's good years other than Robin, but if Stern is left up to his usual devices, Fred will soon be looking for money elsewhere.
- Richard Christie - Former metal drummer for bands Death and Iced Earth and second rapist in the movie Deliverance
- Sal Governale - Another unfunny wop, and pussy whipped faggot.
- Benjy Bronk - A fat sack of shit who replaced Jackie Martling as a writer. The thing that separates him from Jackie is that Jackie is an unfunny stand up comedian, Benjy is unfunny in whatever he does and should self-pwn himself.
Former Staff
- Jackie "The Jokeman" Martling - an unfunny comedian who left the show before 9/11 because Jew-boy wasn't willing to cough up a little more dough. Although unfunny in stand up, Jackie contributed as a writer, and through his satan-like laughter.
- Billy West - did many impersonations and trolled other races, guests, Jackie, and Howard himself. He did the voices in cartoons Ren & Stimpy, and Futurama. He left because of money issues. (I see a trend going on) Examples: [1] [2] [3]
- "Stuttering" John Melendez - a big stuttering bastard who went out on the streets and trolled celebrities such as Ringo Starr Marlo Thomas and Gloria Steinem, and Billy Crystal. He left to be Jay Leno's announcer over money. What a fucking coincidence.
Whoring Himself
One day, the CEO of Sirius Satellite Radio, Mel Karmazin, woke up from a 4 year ether binge and realized he signed the oldest Jew in the world for all of Liberia's deficit. So now Howard has become a salesman for Sirius working at a local Sears trying to pick up 16 year old girls despite the fact he has a limp penis. He goes on talk shows in a dress to 'shock' us despite the fact that 90% of the world have seen people fucking animals on the the internets.
Don Imus
Although he has often complained about censorship in radio, Stern has proven that he only believes in free speech for himself when he supported the firing of Imus in the midst of his recent controversy.
Beth-O
Howard's new wife that he met in 2000 a year after he separated from his first wife. Since then, Howard has turned his political views around 180 degrees, has moved to the shithole Hamptons on Long Island, has become a pussy whipped homo, has lost all his energy, and has given up caring for his show. But don't worry, Beth-O loves Howard and didn't just marry him for his millions. Start placing bets, because once Howard leaves radio when his 5-year contract with Sirius is up, Beth is going to leave Howard in an ugly divorce. I placed my money on it happening 1 year after he retires.
Famous Quotes
- "HOO HOO ROBIN"
- "Tell 'em, Fred."
- "I want to suck your dick because I want a piece of the action."
- "I don't care."
- "I've got 7 dicks in my ass, and there's always room for 8!"
- "This is not a soundboard."
- "Go Bucs!"
- "Why does my back smell like chlorine?"
- "I'm dating Dawn Cumia- ANTHONY's sister."
- "Fart jokes pays my rent...and I am a man whore."
Items Found Inside Howard's Nose
- Jimmy Hoffa's body.
- Dirty Pocket Pussy.
- His misplaced sense of humor.
Enemies
See Also
External Links
KROCK Howard
- Howard on his days in Vietnam
- Moar 'Nam war stories
- Howard pwns a faggot eagle scout
- A fag "warlock" calls in
Billy WestMarge Schott on niggers- cpuss Documents KROCK Howard's lulz
- bignosedbastard has a lot of lulzy appearances but also unlulzy hamptons howie shit
- Moar
 |
Howard Stern is part of a series on Trolls. |
|
