Is Your Son a Computer Hacker?
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Is Your Son a Computer Hacker? is the name of a six year old troll article on Adequacy.org. Written by what is either MONGO or Culturalbaggage, the lulzy article is infamous for its many old-conservative-who-doesn't-understand-computers style quotes. The article is a prime example of why Logan's Run is a suitable reality.
In a perfect world, T. Reginald Gibbons would moderate childfree. Then maybe he wouldn't waste so much time linking words to totally random shit. T. Reginald Gibbons however does show some wisdom by calling Lunix by its correct name.
Contents |
[edit] Ten signs little Billy is a computer hacker
- Child asks to change ISP's..
- Child installs programs which aren't AOL, Photoshop, or Calculator as T. Reginald Gibbons is scared and confused by all others.
- Child wants to upgrade his computer (All hope is lost if he asks for a processor by AMD).
- Child wants to read books without the words Holy or Bible in the title.
- Child wants to waste more than 30 minutes on the computer.
- Child plays Quake.
- Child swears.
- Child installs Lunix.
- Child dresses differently from others.
- Child is a weeaboo.
[edit] Quotes
| “ | I keep a fatherly eye on the CDs they listen to and the shows they watch, the company they keep and the books they read. You could say I'm a model parent. | „ |
| “ | Most American families use trusted and responsible Internet Service Providers, such as AOL. | „ |
| “ | Popular hacker software includes "Comet Cursor", "Bonzi Buddy" and "Flash". | „ |
| “ | You can best ensure that you are buying legal, trustworthy hardware by only buying replacement parts from your computer's manufacturer. | „ |
| “ | Any father who has had a seventeen year old daughter attempt to sneak out on a date wearing make up and perfume is well aware of the effect that improper influences can have on inexperienced minds. | „ |
| “ | [...] If you find any of these hacking manuals in your child's possession, confiscate them immediately. You should also petition local booksellers to remove these titles from their shelves. You may meet with some resistance at first, but even booksellers have to bow to community pressure. | „ |
| “ | Quake is an online virtual reality used by hackers. It is a popular meeting place and training ground, where they discuss hacking and train in the use of various firearms. Many hackers develop anti-social tendencies due to the use of this virtual world, and it may cause erratic behaviour at home and at school. If your son is using Quake, you should make hime understand that this is not acceptable to you. You should ensure all the firearms in your house are carefully locked away, and have trigger locks installed. You should also bring your concerns to the attention of his school. | „ |
| “ | They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their music, using the "mp3" program. | „ |
| “ | Torovoltos is a notorious hacker, responsible for writing many hacker programs, such as "telnet", which is used by hackers to connect to machines on the internet without using a telephone. | „ |
| “ | If you see the word "LILO" during your windows startup (just after you turn the machine on), your son has installed lunix. In order to get rid of it, you will have to send your computer back to the manufacturer, and have them fit a new hard drive. Lunix is extremely dangerous software, and cannot be removed without destroying part of your hard disk surface. | „ |
| “ | If your son is failing courses in school, or performing poorly on sports teams, he may be involved in a hacking group, such as the infamous "Otaku" hacker association. | „ |
[edit] Responses
| —Anonymous Reader, [1] |
| —Anonymous Reader, [2] |
| —Anonymous Reader, [3] |
[edit] External
- Original article (archived here)
