Japan
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
The country currently known as Japan (from the Spanish japón, meaning "Land of Super Happy Rape Time Fun") is an island chain located in the Pacific Ocean. Japan is ruled by fascism and all of the countries in Asia hate Japan but like their slutty women. Japan currently has no military and the average age is 93.
Japs rarely exceed 150cm in height. The males look like females and females look like males. Their skin tends to be yellow because they bathe in urine. They dye their hair all colours because all Japanese people are really anime characters. Most Japs would much rather be white, and some undergo limited caucasiaplasty to this end.
World War II
After having buttsecks with Hitler, Emperor Hirohito sent his troops into Korea because they refused to buy Tamagotchis. The Japanese soldiers proceeded to rape, pillage and bukkake the Koreans and Chinese to death.
President Roosevelt sent a telegram to Hirohito requesting buttsecks too, but due to a mis-translation, the Japanese flew over Pearl Harbor and sunk a few battleships by dropping Toyota's and Pocky on the Harbor.
The United States needed someone to test the bombs on, and who better than a bunch of slopes? Americunts considered fighting them hand to hand, but decided Japs weren't even worth the time. The nukes were a most practical and efficient way. Truman dropped them on Hiroshima and Nagasaki for him, which completely raped the top of Mount Fuji.
Japan surrendered, and to this day have been the bitch of the USA.
Video
Video pwned by Warner Bros. Copyright Claim. Too bad. It was tits and you missed it.
Faggotry
With poetry skills to rival even the most hardened emo, Japan was once the world's foremost macho culture. Big mustaches, leather clothes, gaymanly sex between friends in bath houses -- it was all there. As the Japs opened their country to British pedos they sold their little boys and girls for sex with the white man. Japan relied so heavily on the loli and shota trade that they lowered their legal age of consent to 13.
Out of all of Asians, Japanese men have the smallest penises. As a result, Japanese girls crave the White cock and are completely submissive to White men. Yes, even though the Japanese are famously racist against every other race, this need not rule out even the spottiest Irish or fattest American Star Trek geek.
Unless you're Black, you can attract a girl in Japan.
Why? Because even the lamest White guy is still a guy, with active, healthy testicles and the desire to use them on a woman, and not some mincing fancy-pants she-male in a Alice In Wonderland dress. Taking into consideration that all white people are considered attractive (see: anime), it should also be noted that this Asian-on-White breeding may be an attempt to breed out their self-loathed Asianness. We assume, in hopes that their offspring will no longer look completely androgynous, regardless of gender, and prepubescent regardless of age.
Pedophilia is not only accepted in Japan, but also highly mandatory. 110% of Japanese men are pedophiles. Many students haven open relationships with their teachers. When the Japs heard that Catholic priests were molesting little boys, their response was "We can do better than that." Legally the age of consent in Japan is 13, but usually Japanese boys lose their virginity at the ripe old age of the 2nd trimester before conception. As the average Japanese 13 year old looks like a 6 year old of just about any other ethnicity, Japan is a haven for pedophiles around the world. Scat fetish is also popular. It is traditional for Japanese men to nose-bleed when sexually aroused, a tradition they had tried to export outside Japan through Anime. Some have argued the sickness of the Japs is a response to the radiation from the winbombs dropped on them during WW2. This is false as they were just as sick before the war.
Kancho
Kancho is a Japanese term, which when taken in context in Azrael's stories of man-boy-love translates to "enema." He fears returning to the USA because of all his fans waiting to kancho his ass. Only he and his ex know what The Octopus is, and he is not telling. He also admits on his blog that he spends most of the time at his job asleep. Kancho is a sex move that gets the Japanese off because it stimulates the erogenous zone that gay men enjoy.
Instructions:
- Clasp hands together
- Extend index fingers so they are pointing outward
- Ram up someone's ass
- Sniff your fingers
- ????
- Profit!
The "game" was featured on the popular Anime Naruto, helping to spread its popularity. There is even an arcade game based on it, in which players are rated on how hard they can jam the finger-shaped controller into the prosthetic ass.
How to Win the Game in Japan
Back in the day, when a person was disgraced, or otherwise deemed it time to die, they would kill themselves via ritual seppuku. Truly, a man's death!
In the commission of seppuku, a man would grab his Japanese sword (tanto) by the blade, then slice his belly horizontally and pull out his own guts, and when the pain was finally too much, his defeater-in-battle or friend (pending the situation) would decapitate the person. And for the truly manly, some would wrap paper around the sword to purposefully make it less sharp. In contemporary times, Seppuku has gone the way of the dodo, and has been replaced with Chuoside.
FFFUUUCHKA YOUU WWAAAHLEE !!!!!!!!!
Japan's favorite pastime, other than bukkake and working until their eyes and brain bleed from not sleeping. In fact the whole reason behind their space program is so they can be whalers on the moon.
Last Thursday, the Australian government asked Japan to stop whalingharvesting whales for science in Australian waters, because you should only kill endangered species in your own country.
Being a teeny-tiny bit sensitive to criticism, Japanese YouTubers and their sympathizers proceeded to hurl every bizarre insult at Australia that they could think of - in hilariously broken English - through the medium of YouTube comments and tl;dr videos. It would appear that Australia only cares about animals that look cute - they are kangaroo-killing hypocrites, who want to destroy the Japanese culture like they did to the Aboriginals. This is totally OK.
How Aussies telling the Japs to GTFO of THEIR waters amounts will stop them is unclear at this point. But much like the Chinese civilians after the last Japanese invasion of China, the Aussies are clearly asking for a decapitated-neckhole rapin’.
Most Aussies won't argue that whaling is better than the Japanese soldiers eating prisoners of war. Read all about it! (Also note how long the list of war-crimes is.)
Japanophiles
The purest form of faggotry.
Japanophiles are western people who love everything to do with Japan, even (especially? definitely) the creepy bits, like the coin-operated panty dispensers and blackfaced, screeching women. They are usually fat and socially inept (male), or fat and delusional about their looks (female) and can be identified by their Cowboy Bebop(haven't you heard Bebop is old now? Naruto is the new coolect animu evar that will still be popular in 100 years!) wallscrolls, appreciation for J-pop and insistence on cosplaying. Not to mention walking around the city with a fucking Pocky sticking out of the mouth. Many Japanophiles are to be found at Colleges such as Earlham and Oberlin, where they form anime clubs and dress up like gay space elves with fox ears and capes.
Japanophilia is not to be confused with pedophilia, as there are several key differences. For example, pedophiles are obsessed with making love to children whereas Japanophiles are obsessed with Anime, writing with chopsticks, downloading gigabytes of hentai and annoying the fuck out of you at parties by talking at length about their interpretation of Neon Genesis Evangelion. Both, however, masturbate over pictures of schoolgirls.
Japanophiles do not reproduce by conventional means; most die as virgins and those that do not are usually imprisoned for rape. Instead, they use the internets to influence vulnerable teenagers to watch episodes of Trigun before leading them on to the harder (and less comprehensible) stuff. Soon the anime meme has infected the poor teen's brain and he has become a mindless Japanophile too.
The Japanophile's life cycle can end three ways; either dying an elderly virgin surrounded by small plastic figurines that cost hundreds of dollars each, being raped to death in prison (oh, teh irony!) or committing IRL self-pwnage after arriving at Japan and discovering that it's not full of enormously-breasted women who want to sleep with pasty, fat Caucasian lardballs. The last words of the latter Japanophiles are usually "Megatokyo lied to me..."
FUN FACT: Converse to how Japanophiles dry hump anything to do with Japanese culture, western culture is actually popular among Japanese teenagers. Proof of this is displayed with how many Japs die their hair blonde and in animu, seeing as how 9001% of the time animu characters don't even look remotely Japanese. Then tell them what retards they are for going all "dumbshit fantard" over some shitty Jpop singer for no other reason than that he's Japanese.
Japanese Language
Japanese is a language learned by losers who claim that they're learning it because they "enjoy Japanese culture" when they're actually enjoying anime. For their years of rigorous training, Japanese language teachers get to instruct unmotivated American teenagers in the basics again and again while one half writes Ouran High School Host Club/Harry Potter crossover fanfiction in class and the other watches the latest fansubbed ninja fanservice anime on their $2,000 laptops. Even though a tiny percentage actually finish the course, they have no real use for it other than fansubbing anime or re-translating a Final Fantasy game. This is a worthwhile use of their time since American translators are close-minded AmeriKKKans who are unable to understand the elevated cultural value of Japanese children's cartoons. As strange as it sounds, the last sentence is not irony. No, it's just stupid.
In addition to speaking their native tongue, the Japanese also speak an interesting language called Engrish, which can be seen on many billboards and products. Jews have also migrated en mass to Japan and can often be seen doubling as sex dummies in vomitous kinky pornography, that strangely includes the Jews' favorite accessory, leaf blowers, in ways you don't want to know about--that even Japanese porn stars find unpalatable.
In the video section, please to find a Demo of their so called... ":*(&^%$^ENGRISH^$%^&)*:" It has an accurate subtitle...
Jap Dads
Notorious for working long hours as well as being mean drunks, Jap dads regularly stumble home from the sake bar to discipline their ungrateful children who have dishonored them. All Jap dads look like Mr. Miyagi and punish their children mercilessly by forcing their sexual fantasies on them, like Kancho. This is why tentacle rape and scat fetishes are so prevalent in the Jap culture.
On June 21st 2007, drunk Daddy manta ray killed the baby manta ray daughter after she shamed his family. Shortly before the killing, videos of her surfaced on the internet involving a funnel and some eels.
How to get around in Japan
Since we at ED care about your Japanese experience, we've collected some useful Japanes phrases you can use when you meet a Jap!
- Boku wa _________ - My name is ________.
- Kyokon wo tabetai - I would like to eat some delicious cake.
- Sono shinbun wo kaimashita - I am not fluent in Japanese, can we speak English?
- Kimi no imoutou ni reipu shitai - Please take a seat over there...
- Anime wo mitari, manga wo yondari shitai da - I like to watch anime and read manga.
- DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU - I am not a Weaboo, now will you stop looking at me like that?
How To Troll
- Post a picture of a nuclear explosion with the caption "pwnd".
- Post a picture of Japanese internment camps with the caption "pwnd".
- Deliberately confuse them with Koreans.
- Deliberately confuse them with the Chinese.
- Talk to them in Chinese, and expect them to understand you completely.
- Call them "Japs", "Azn", or Pokeymanz.
- Tell them that Naruto is a total fag.
- Say that you learned Japanese tradition through anime.
- Make a detailed argument on why nuking Japan was a necessary act.
- Post a picture of the Japanese brutally torturing Chinese POWs with a tl;dr text talking about how they refuse to acknowledge WWII atrocities committed by their nation (they really hate this). You might use this one.
- Tell them that China can invade at any time.
- Post a low-res picture of Japan being ejaculated upon by multiple high-res penises.
- Post images detailing the US Military's strategy in the South Pacific during WWII and again, with a tl;dr text, detail how the Japanese failed to achieve any of their key strategic objectives (e.g. sinking US aircraft carriers early on).
- Mention that they come from Korea and everything in their culture is Korean.
- Tell them that they originate in Southeast Asia.
- Tell them that there is no such thing as a pure Japanese.
- Tell them how Dokto is part of Korea, and "Takeshima" is just a pussy land grab.
Brutally True Facts
- There are more than 10,000 7-11 locations in Japan. The Japaneses really like Slurpees! Unfortunately the Japanese work 12-16 hour shifts and their sweatshops open at 5pm and close at 9am, so they can't buy any.
- Japan is known for its capitalistic ways. In fact, a Jap will do just about anything for a few bucks, including loving you long time for $10. If they refuse, threaten to nuke them. That always works.
- Japanese like to vacation in Hawaii. They really do. I'm not joking. But they don't crash their planes there anymore if that is what you were asking.
- Japs also tend to visit Greece, merely because pornography is sold in every fucking tourist store.
- In Japanese medicine, all drugs and most cures are suppositories.
- 4chan was inspired by a Japanese imageboard.
- Japanese are just like atheists, and they will get butthurt if they find out you're not japanese. If so, threaten to nuke them a third time.
- Japanese love Americans when comparing other Asians, but hate weeaboos. But they hate Americans for the two epic bombs that they dropped on two shitty villages that started a chain of faggotry in Japan. Basically these two-faced, double-standard bitches hate everyone.
Behold the glorious President of Japan
Gallery
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World War II velly funny neh? ROTFL
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See Also
- Animé
- Awwright
- Hari kari
- Babyfuck
- Bukkake
- Chuoside
- Guro
- Domo-kun
- Jimbo's Japan Tour, 2007
- Shimajiro
- Big Daikon
- Kato
- Japanese Bug Fights
- Sick Fuck
- Weeaboo
- I LIEK MILK
- Whale Wars
External Links
- Proof that the Japanese were sick fucks during WWII.
- Japanese women get boyfriend pillow
- Japanese men get pussy pillow
- Japanese men turn to sex dolls
- Japanese women get diarrhea
- Typical Japanese toys
- Moar Japanese toys
- Furries and a clown raping a crying Japanese girl while their privates are blurred out. Only in Japan...
- How to spot a Jap
- Get a Japanese pedo doll made...of your likeness!
Video Links
- Japanese Music
- Oh hell na, did that bitch for real say nigga?
- Typical Day For The Average Japfag
- Even Popeye hates those sneaky Japs
- A typical Japanese commercial
- Japan
- A day with a Japanese girl.
- What the Americans came up with in response to weird Japanese porn
- Just another day in Japan
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Japan is part of a series on Hentai. |
