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Jeffrey Dahmer

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Dahmer's IRL girlfriend

Dahmer faps to this

And probably this too.

OM NOM NOM

Jeffrey Lionel Dahmer (also known as Jeffrey Dahmer, Jay Dee, Dahmanator, and HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS GUY???) was an IRL Cannibal, Necrophiliac, and serial killer. Some argue that Jeffery suffered from depression, and this all could have been prevented if he had the right opportunities. But we at ED know that Jeffrey Dahmer a hero who killed 13-year-old boys, fucked the bodies, and ate their penises; and not even over 9000 Sigmond Freuds could have straightened this guy out. The only thing Jeffrey Dahmer ever ate besides rotting flesh (aka his grandmother's pussy) was peanut butter & jelly sandwiches.

1 His Fucked-Up Early Life
2 His Fucked-Up Killing Spree
3 His Internet Life and Non-Accomplishments
4 The Police Pull Their Heads Out of Their Asses and Arrest Jeffrey Dahmer
5 Death
6 Several Years Later
7 External Links

[edit] His Fucked-Up Early Life

Along with at least 100% of other serial killers, Jeffrey Dahmer was born in Wisconsin. He spent the majority of his childhood dissecting dead animals and fucking the bodies. For a while, his parents didn't do a goddamn thing about it, and thought that fucking dead animals was the hip new thing that children do nowadays. Eventually, his father realized that his son was batshit insane, and sent him to join the US Army. After like... five seconds, Jeffrey got discharged for being a pot-smoking furry-fucking douchebag.

Some other shit happened, and Jeffrey ended up living with his rather sexy grandmother. She frequently video taped him riding his pillows vigorously, and forced him to perform cunnilingus on her (much to his enjoyment) for all of YouTube to see. He remained in that paradise for six years, freeloading off Granny's retirement money, fapping in public, and running around in assless pants at state fairs. Before long, Granny got pissed off and defenestrated (lol look it up morons) Jeffie for stinking up her basement with his dead bodies and running up the Internet bill. Soon after, he whacked off a 13-year-old boy and was sentenced to one year in prison. When asked why the fuck he would do something like this, he responded:

“	I did it for the lulz.	„
— Jeffrey Dahmer, douchebag serial killer

[edit] His Fucked-Up Killing Spree

After sucking on the warden's cock, Jeffrey got released from prison, and proceeded to go around banhammering people IRL. At one point, one of Jeffrey Dahmer's victims went up to the police with multiple stab wounds, drugged out, and his rectum bleeding, while screaming "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, JEFFREY DAHMER STABBED, DRUGGED, AND RAPED ME! YOU GUYS HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!" But the police didn't do a goddamn thing because no one cares about 13-year-old boys.

List of people who were IRL banned by Jeffrey Dahmer:

Stephen Hicks
Steven Tuomi
Jamie Doxtator
Richard Guerrero
Anthony Sears
Eddie Smith
Ricky Beeks
Ernest Miller
David Thomas
Curtis Straughter
Errol Lindsey
Tony Hughes
Konerak Sinthasomphone
Matt Turner
Jeremiah Weinberger
Oliver Lacy
Joseph Bradehoft
You
Your mom
????
PROFIT!

[edit] His Internet Life and Non-Accomplishments

Jeffrey Dahmer was known to be one of the greatest trolls ever, assuming various usernames, such as Bribrihottie69, Kurisu_Hansen, TulipM92, and Herman_Ri_Destroyer_Of_Worlds. He lampooned many Beboers and MySpace-goers to the point that twelve victims worldwide deleted their accounts. Strangely enough, the Internet helped greatly in his tendency to lure boys to his house. Soon after trolling over 9000 sites, Jeffie met up with an OL friend at a local café so they could discuss (and later partake in) sweet, sweet buttsecks. They decided to team together to hack Swiss bank accounts and make mucho money to attract more hot young boys. However, they had no skillz 2 pay the billz; therefore, they were neither successful in stealing mass amounts of cash, nor in trolling hot young boy booty.

Ingenious lure tactic.

These actions were soon discovered by ebaums world, and then eventually 4chan, and then the shit trickled down to the lowest of the low, /b/. Thankfully, no memes were created on Jeffrey Dahmer and his ~~peculiar~~ awesome lifestyle, except for the occasional mention by random fagtards who were killed soon after for being so gay.

[edit] The Police Pull Their Heads Out of Their Asses and Arrest Jeffrey Dahmer

Yeah, that's pretty much what happened.

[edit] Death

After Jeffrey was sentenced to over 9000 years in prison, a cell mate of his ran at him with a wakizashi and maimed the fuck out of Dahmer which resulted in epic win. There was a huge fucking party afterwards — fireworks, cliff divers, free abortions, and double-decker brownies with chocolate sprinkles. Everyone lived happily ever after. The end.

[edit] Several Years Later

Several years later, the fucktards down at South Park decided that it would be super hilarious to ressurect John Gacy, Jeff Dahmer, and some other guy so they could star in yet another shitty episode so accurately named "Hell On Earth" — causing sensible people everywhere to scream in terror, "WHY, OH WHY IS SOUTH PARK STILL ON THE AIR?!?" This episode was comprised of 100% fail, as the main plot was that the three serial killers had to bake a cake for Satan's Halloween party down in hell. Needless to say, the episode sucked balls. Thankfully, Jeffie and his comrades returned to their graves once again and all those with brains crawled out from their hiding places and rejoiced.