The Binghamton Tet Offensive

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

“	I AM JIVERLY WONG. SHOOTING THE PEOPLE. AND YOU HAVE A NICE DAY.	„
—Jiverly Wong

This article needs moar lulzy shoops.
You can help by adding moar lulzy shoops.

Interesting Fact:
This article contains an hero.

You love the smell of angst in the morning.

The only released mugshot so far, CHING CHONG NANG NIP NONG.

How's my accent now motherfucker?

YOU HAVE A NICE DAY!

On April 3, 2009 a batshit insane 41-year-old, paranoid-schizophrenic gook -Jiverly Voong- went on a high score rampage at a center for wannabe U.S. Citizens in Binghamton, New York. The American Civic Association Building is a place that provides immigration and refugee services, including language classes. It also recently provided targets for psychotic Viet Cong sleeper agents.

The 24/7 news networks were initially all over this like ~~white~~ yellow on rice but - as usual - had very few details. When the smoke cleared, they reported 14 confirmed kills including Charlie, 4 injured in critical condition and 41 ~~hostages~~ escapees. It's reported that before his first kill, he shouted "SPESHOW JERIVERLY BITCHES." Voong self-pwnt before running out of ammo or live targets falling miserably short of Cho Seung Hui's VTech Massacre record.

Also reported was the fact that the Binghamton police SWAT teams were arresting anyone with slanty eyes and leading them away in handcuffs.

The first official press conference reported 6 hours later that the as yet the Anonymous Charlie is known to the authorities and used a borrowed car to block off the back door to the building before entering the front door and shooting the receptionist. Also confirmed was that two handguns and a satchel full of ammo had been recovered among the dead who included some Chinks, Pinoys and an Iraqi woman who had moved to America to escape the violence in Baghdad.

Broken News: Crack, Ass and Dong

Jiverly's crap

Three days after the killings, the USPS finally got around to delivering Wong's "suicide note", a rambling two page letter in ALL CAPS where Wong blamed his fragile mental state on the local cops, who are all alcoholics, who were apparently watching him fap at night and inappropriately touching his cock while he slept. According to Wong, they were also stealing his dong. He also accused cops of "giving me a lot of ass" and that "COP TAKE SIT IN MY HOUSE WHEN I SLEEPING. COP TAKE SIT IN MY HOUSE THIRTEEN TIME".

Police denied any wrongdoing however, local police said Mr. Wong had previously caught the attention of law enforcement officials in 1999 after they received a tip that he was planning a bank robbery and had a crack habit.

Tom Cruise was quick to point out that there is/was absolutely nothing wrong with Mr. Wong that a few vitamins and horseshoe crab couldn't fix despite a deep loathing for America and The Man.

“	Please continue second page thank you	„
—JWong

I'm feering morivated!

“	COP BRING ABOUT THIS SHOOTING. COP MUST RESPONSIBLE.	„
—Jiverly Voong

“	OF COURSE YOU NEED TO KNOW WHY I SHOOTING? BECAUSE UNDERCOVER COP GAVE ME A LOT OF ASS DURING EIGHTEEN YEARS.	„
—Jiverly Voong

so ronery! Jiverly had no followers.

The Viet Cong (not Viet Kong)

Jiverly Wong, sadly, worked at a vacuum cleaner plant as suction dummy to test the vacuum's suction power. Given his insurmountable anguish due to the pain being shared by him and his tiny wang, he decided enough was enough. He lost his job a week later and as he walked out told one of his co-workers that "American sucks!" and that he was going to go get some Lo Mein from the local "Dragon Ken" Chinese restaurant.

The Instruments Of Holy Holiness

A satchel (slung around his neck just like home)
Two handguns — a 9 mm and a .45-caliber.
The Gander Mountain gun store $15.99 value-pack of 100 9-mm bullets.
A hunting knife.
Body armor

The Internets Reacts

“	@abbyroadme: All this talk about Binghamton, it's making me crave a spiedie. The Binghamton sandwich: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spiedie	„
—@abbyroadme

Whilst the skeletal details have yielded little to nothing of the shooters name, beefs or actual firepower, the story has already spawned 4chan's first mini-meme of the event...

“	I was on my way to (X) but I got distracted by (X). Thanks (X)!	„
—Anon

...this after some /b/tard in Binghamton revealed that he had been on his way to die in that part of town but had been saved by 4chan. And you have a nice day.