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From Encyclopedia Dramatica

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Turned into a cripple before World War II, John F. Kennedy is the third or fourth most mythical president of the United States, the only reason being his talent at using the powah to get lots of fucking. Kennedy was said to rule Camelot, but this only lasted until he spilt blood the color of Chanel No. 5 and grey brains on his dear trophy wife's Chanel twin-set. According to Wikipedia, John Seigenthaler Sr. was in charge of the hit.

A similar conspiracy claimed the life of John's younger brother Bobby, who was killed for knowing too much about Marilyn Monroe. But another, cleverer NSA black-op effort to target Teddy Kennedy failed when the Massachusetts congressman managed to drown the young female assassin at Chappaquiddick.

Contents 1 Did You Know? 2 Copypasta 3 Why They Done Shot JFK 4 Snapshits Snapshots of History: A President Pwnt 5 New and Startling Evidence 6 Also See

[edit] Did You Know?

• The Kennedy family death curse inspired the "Final Destination" films?

• John F. Kennedy couldn't handle the mean streets of Dallas?

• Bobby Kennedy was killed by some guy who was probably a foreigner or at least looked like a foreigner and who also had a stupid repeated name (Sirhan Sirhan)?

• The Irish cannot be trusted with authority, liquor, females, cars, cars with bombs in them, Margaret Thatcher, Cuba policy, jobs that should go to real Americans of English descent, or television shows?

• If you make your vice-president a Texan, he will kill you in order to get the job for himself?

• JFK's sister created the Special Olympics, where you're still retarded if you win, kind of like arguing on the Internets?

• A cash prize ($100,000 or was it $10,000?) was offered for the first person to successfully play a video game in a way that matched the lone and insane gunman theory (a.k.a. single gun theory)? The makers got a cash payment from Teddy before anyone claimed the prize and then promptly pulled the game. Try to find the game, or most comments on it, and be prepared for a crapflood.

• John F. Kennedy was flagged for PvP at the time he was assassinated?

[edit] Copypasta

“	During that tense flight from Dallas to Washington after the assassination, Jackie inadvertently walked in on Johnson as he was standing over the casket of his predecessor and chuckling... Of course, President Johnson is often given to inappropriate response—witness the puzzled timing of his smiles when he speaks of grave matters—but we must also assume that Mrs. Kennedy had been traumatized that day and her perception was likely to have been colored by the tragedy. This state of shock must have underlain an incident on Air Force One which this writer conceives to be delirium, but which Mrs. Kennedy insists she actually saw. `I'm telling you this for the historical record,' she said, `so that people a hundred years from now will know what I had to go through... That man was crouching over the corpse, no longer chuckling but breathing hard and moving his body rhythmically. At first I thought he must be performing some mysterious symbolic rite he'd learned from Mexicans or Indians as a boy. And then I realized—there is only one way to say this—he was literally fucking my husband in the throat. In the bullet wound in the front of his throat. He reached a climax and dismounted. I froze. The next thing I remember, he was being sworn in as the new president.'	„
—Jackie O.

[edit] Why They Done Shot JFK

Some say that he secretly opposed the Vietnam War (although he ratcheted it up IRL), others say that he thought Israel developing a shitload of nukes might be a little dangerous and wanted to stop them (since no-one heard this theory until last Thursday it's probably right), and yet others say it was all because he wanted to out the super-seekrit space-alien-hunters at Project Majestic. There are about a dozen other theories. Who the fuck knows?

[edit] Snapshits Snapshots of History: A President Pwnt

JFK giving his infamous "Ich bin ein sausage." speech on June 26, 1963 in Berlin.	Artist's depiction of the JFK assassination as it happened.	The second gunman on the grassy knoll.	The sixth or seventh gunman training somewhere in the desert
The convicted assassin.	The 35th President of the United States, obviously not feeling his best.	Lee Harvey Oswald contemplating what to do	the flash game

[edit] New and Startling Evidence

The following videos provide new and startling insights into the horrific and thoughtless crime that made a nation cry, beat its collective breast, and almost commit mass-suicide.

No-embedding party pooper (but worth a look).

[edit] Also See

JFK Reloaded