Jonmon
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jon Monsarrat, known as jonmon at MIT, make_you_laugh on OKCupid, and a total idiot the world over, is the world's most sexually desperate man. At the age of 38, he chases 16 year old girls in the hope of curing his virginity.
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[edit] The Match-Up Debacle
In 2003, Jonmon decided to start his very own Valentine's Day dating website using his l33t skillz. The site made members divulge lots of personal information in order to use the service, and promised to match each member up with over 9000 potential mates. Sadly, the women got matched up with Jonmon and 8,999 sockpuppets.
| —Jonmon, providing excellent matchmaking services to one of the female applicants at Match-Up |
The cops got called in, ruining all of Johnny's fun. Rumors that he was forced to put a tracking device on his peener are totally true and should be accepted without question, except that nobody makes microscopic tracking devices. Yet.
[edit] Check It Out Now, The Punk'd Soul Brother
His desperation unabated, he proceeded to create a now-deleted profile on OKStupid named make_you_laugh. Never were truer words spoken. He put up an image of himself standing next to an electronic highway sign he defaced, advertising his need for loli to the world. He then proceeded to hit on anything wet and concave.
The results in one case are documented in a LiveJournal entry LOL see Oceans of Butthurt below! He nagged his potential date, repeatedly begging her not to cancel at the last minute. She smelled desperation, especially when he made his request the fourth time in a row using the exact same words. She decided to ask him what was up. The results were full of lulz and fail:
willowfinna: Hey there mitcarpediem: HEyeyEyeyeyEY mitcarpediem: How's it going? willowfinna: Um. It's goin' ok. mitcarpediem: That's good to hear mitcarpediem: Im doing great too, looking forward to seeing you willowfinna: Yeah willowfinna: About that mitcarpediem: one sec mitcarpediem: before you say anything you'll regret willowfinna: Oh good lord mitcarpediem: Are you sure you're too tired, too busy, too anxious, to see me for just one hour willowfinna: Its not any of those things, actually mitcarpediem: and that youd rather leave me with nothing to do on a Friday night leaving a pretty bad first impression? willowfinna: You won't get any kind of impression willowfinna: Your email kinda freaked me out mitcarpediem: I'll get the impression that you cancelled on short notice, which is rude, and I probbaly won't want to reschedule mitcarpediem: I'm just tired of the drama willowfinna: If I cancel, there won't be an option to reschedule, that's the whole point mitcarpediem: Frankly, so what if you're freaked out. Get a fucking grip. mitcarpediem: I'm so tired of women with drama willowfinna: Does that tactic work for you? willowfinna: Get a lot of dates with that? willowfinna: I get the feeling you get stood up a lot willowfinna: Hence the preamble willowfinna: Am I right? mitcarpediem: It's like you're a little time bomb exploding whenever you feel "anxious" mitcarpediem: So you don't have much self-confidence, that's not my fault. willowfinna: How would you know? mitcarpediem: Don't take it out on me. willowfinna: You've spoken to me, maybe, four or five times willowfinna: You know nothing about me other than what you project willowfinna: And what little I've told you willowfinna: I'm not trying to be rude mitcarpediem signed off at 7:14:19 PM.
His followup email was even better:
[edit] Midnight in the Garden of Moe and Curly
Jonmon wants to know your secrets! The Boston Globe, possibly the dumbest newspaper on the planet, has provided free advertising for Jonmon's latest scam in the form of an article:
No, the Globe didn't warn its readers about Jonmon's past abuses of trust. As usual, Encyclopedia Dramatica remains the only reliable and complete source of information on the AIDS that is Jonmon.
Unfortunately for the nearby city of Cambridge, Jonmon is having a lecture that is going to attract "over 150 people" about his garden. From the email:
| —Propaganda email |
[edit] Where Is He Now?
Jonmon can occasionally be seen at fetish fairs, leading acne-scarred loli around on leashes and generally acting like an old-fashioned gentleman. He uses these events to promote his vampire-wannabe wankfest, Midnight Seduction, which is endorsed by women who are very female and not at all Jonmon pretending to be female:
| — |
Jonmon is also trying to attract "kink-friendly" roommates via a Craigslist ad. This effort has been preserved for posterity. LOL see Oceans of Butthurt. As one commenter noted: "wait so he pretty much wants a fuckable maid?" Sadly, yes.
[edit] Oceans of Butthurt
Johnny went crazy with butthurt that his bullshit was being exposed in a couple of LiveJournal entries, so he got a lawyer to write a letter threatening raep if the posts weren't taken down. Our courageous correspondent replied:
| —willowfinn, one-time stalkee of Jonmon |
On the one hand, Jonmon's craziness is now a little less public, and ED is the only public source of information on the creep. On the other hand, he is now exposed as a whining little boy who hid behind a lawyer to get people to stop telling the truth about him. LULZ!
 Jonmon is part of a series on Dying Alone | Those Who Have Died Alone
Anna Nicole Smith | Arielle Newman | Charmaine Dragun | Codey Porter | Heath Ledger | Lilo | Megan Meier | Mitchell Henderson | Otoya Yamaguchi | Ricardo Lopez | Ripper | Rudolph Zurick | Tyler Dumstorf Those Dying Alone Ahotwheelscar | Anonymous Borg | Argent009 | Bikerfox | ByAppointmentTo | Chris-chan | Chuck M. | David Hockey | Epic fat guy | Fagolescents | GoddessMillenia | Kevin Havens | Lecarick | Nullcherri | Pit Viper | Ricki Raven | Sceptre | Snapesnogger | TheSockDetective | Ulillillia Their Methods 4chan | AIDS | Anime | Booze | Bullying | Dead Friend | DeviantART | Drugs | Fleshlight | Self-seclusion | IRC | Jenkem | LiveJournal | Lonely | MySpace | Online dating | Online sex games | Plastic Crap | Plenty Of Fish | Vloggerheads | YouTube |
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