If you haven't looked at ED:LULZ in a while, now is a great time to catch up.
Josef Fritzl
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Josef Fritzl is an Australian, serial committer of incest, sick fuck and pretty cool guy who became a meme on 4chan's /b/ circa April 29 2008. After his recent arrest last Thursday, he is being watched by the authorities who suspect that he may attempt to become an hero as a result of his guilt over his actions. However, he would find a welcome home in 4chan, because /b/tards loev him for what he did.
Like his fellow Australian Corey Worthington, Josef is a Sadist who has made suffer his own Family, not for the Lulz, but because of his mental illness. He began abusing his daughter Elizabeth in 1977 when she was loli, and then when she was a teenager in 1984, he locked her inside a dungeon and told the rest of the world she was missing, where she would remain for at least 100 years. But in Fritzl's defense, his daughter was totally asking for it. By the time she emerged in 2008, she was a forty-something shadow of her former self, and had given birth to seven children for him, one of which died and was baked in an oven by Josef. Three of those children had never seen the light of day, and two of those were aged 18 and 19, making them older than you. Due to the low ceilings of the basement, the older children walk with a permanent hunch, while the youngest child prefers to crawl, although he can walk. The children communicate with each other through a combination of speech and animal sounds. The other children apparently lived a normal life and other people thought they were his grandchildren (which they were, but just not in the conventional sense, lol).
Josef had apparently told his captives that the basement door was wired to explode, and that poisonous gas canisters were also primed to pump their lungs full of Zyklon B if they tried to open the door to sweet freedom.
His defense lawyer plans to argue that all Mr. Fritzl was doing is putting Plato's Allegory of the cave to practice, and that he is being persecuted, like many great Australian scientists in the past.
The mass media threw a shit fit when they found out about this, and now Josef is on suicide watch. Our verdict: he did it for the lulz.But because of the Fact, that the most of all sick things are not for the lulz , the Verdict of Medicine professionals may be otherwise. Recent news suggests that the 19-year-old girl who is in hospital might also die.
It is rumored that he may have created several similar basements over in Norway, for some reason. Archeologists have found two so far, and they all have a loli in them. One of his best friends live in Norway, and it is believed that he might have helped him and/or given him permission to use his house.
Like many Australians, Fritzl loved to go on holiday in Thailand.
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[edit] COPYPASTA
Hey Faggots,
My name is Josef, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their day looking at my stupid pictures. I will rape everything in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any pussy? I mean, I guess it's fun making fun of people because of your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than jerking off to pictures on facebook.
Don't be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I'm pretty much perfect. I've refurnished my basement, and have seven kids/grandkids. What have you done, other than "jack off to naked drawn japanese people"? I get laid ANY time I want, and I have a banging hot daughter (I just raped her; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.
Pic Related: It's me and my bitch
[edit] Fresh Prince of Cel-Air
Now this is a story all about how my
Life got flipped turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
I'll tell you how I become the prince of my house’s Cel-Air
In west Australia born and raised
On my daughter is where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out, maxin', relaxin', all cool
And all beatin' some loli outside of the school
When a couple of years they were up to no good
Started agein' lolis in my neighborhood
I got one little erection and my mom got scared
And said, "You're movin' with your hot teenage daughter in Cel-Air."
I whistled for a cab and when it near
The license plate said “CHRIS” and it had dice in the mirror
If anything they could say that my girl was rare
But I thought, "Nah, forget it. Yo home to Cel-Air!"
She crawled out of the house after 7 offspring
And she yelled to the cabby "yo Hansen, my sav’ya"
Looked at my kingdom I sure wish she was there
To sit on my girl as the prince of Cel-Air.
Alternate Version
Now this is a story all about how my
Life got flipped turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
I'll tell you how I become the prince of my house’s Cellair
In west Australia born and raised
Fucking my daughter is where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out, maxin', relaxin', all cool
and building incest dungeons underneath my pool
I took three kids out cuz they were all good
told my wife they were just children from the neighborhood.
I fucked just one of my daughters the police got scared
But they don't know the pin-code to my daughter's Cellair.
They called the partyvan and when it got near
The license plate said “AUSTRALIA” and it had dice in the mirror
"you crazy" they said, "those ideas in your head are rare,"
I said, "cool homes, it's rape time, home, to Cellair!"
She crawled out the house after 7 offspring
And she yelled to the cops "Yo, I can't speak Australian"
But I'm still pimping, I got three more lairs,
so come and party with me, in my second Cellair.
[edit] MORE COPYPASTA
WHEN I WAS
A YOUNG GIRL
MY FATHER
TOOK ME INTO THE CELLAR
AND KEPT ME THERE TO STAY
HE SAID
BITCH WHEN
YOU GROW UP
WILL YOU BE
THE MOTHER OF MY CHILDREN
AND KNOW THAT IT'S OKAY
HE SAID
WILL YOU
KEEP QUIET
AND BLOW ME EVERY WEEK NIGHT
WITH SEX ON SATURDAYS
BECAUSE ONE DAY
I'LL LEAVE YOU
A PHANTOM
AND PUT YOU IN THE SPOTLIGHT
OH WHAT A GRAND CHARADE
[edit] Apt For Rent, Australia
Special Features: Noise proof so you don't have to hear those pesky neighbors, and secure entrance w/ keycode. Furnished.
Rent is $600 or free in return for rape
Please Contact Josef Fritzl
[edit] DIY Josef Fritzl
As you can clearly see from the diagram to the right, it is actually very easy to create such a house. First, you must be a complete sick fuck. Next, you need to think of a way to not make anyone suspect anything of you. Here are the steps:
Step 1: Dig underneath house, and make sure there is tons of room to move around
Step 2: Now start to forge the rooms. Make a really beautiful bathroom, and put a toy elephant on top of cabinet
Step 3: Drug loli
Step 4: Handcuff loli and take in to brand new living area
Step 5: Create super sophisticated locking mechanisms on door
Step 6: RAEP
Step 7: Repeat until loli gives birth 7 times
Step 8: Dead baby? NO PROBLEM! Just burn it in a fire!
Step 9: Keep 3 children and loli for 10 - 24 years.
Step 10: Release captive because SHE IS TOTALLY NOT GOING TO TELL ANYONE OF THE HORRORS SHE HAS EXPERIENCED AND GET YOU V&
Step 11: Get V&
Step 3: Become meme
Step 13: Rot in jail
Step 14: ????
Step 15: PROFIT
PROTIP: THESE STEPS ARE ONLY KNOWN TO WORK IN AUSTRALIA, AND AS A RESULT THE EFFECTS MAY BE DIFFERENT IN YOUR COUNTRY, PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION.
[edit] Fritzlulz: Aged in Basements with Raep
THERE ONCE WAS AN AUSTRALIAN (AUSTRIAN) NAMED FRITZL
WHO PENETRATED HIS DAUGHTER WITH SCHNITZEL
ALONE IN THE DARK
SHE HOWLED AND SHE BARKED
'CAUSE THROUGH YEARS OF PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE HER FATHER HAD CONVINCED HER SHE WAS A STUPID BITCH
[edit] Jokes
- An Australian man was asked what his approach was to his children's sex education. "I like to keep them in the dark", he said.
[edit] Gallery
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Josef Fritzl is part of a series on Child Abuse. |
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