Jew
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| WARNING: With Jews, you lose! |
| HEAR YE, HEAR YE Official Hug A Jew Day, February 2nd…Be Prepared |
Jews, also known as kikes, hebes, hymies, yids, oven magnets, hook noses, sheenies, swindlers, criminals, arabs in denial and filthy fucking non-human scum who should be wiped off the face of the Earth, are a subhuman species of reptilian extra-terrestrials and adherents to one of the world's oldest major religions, called "Judaism", otherwise known as "The Worship of Moolah" or "Eating Arab Babies." Despite only being .22% of the world's population, Jews control 99% of the world's money. Not only do the Jews control the world, but also the media, the banks and the space program. All Jews have at least one all of the following features: an extremely large nose, curly hair, one of those gay hats, a bank, a love of coke, a law practice, a roll of money, a small cock and shitty taste in dental hygiene. Some Jews like NSBM.
Some say that we should use Jews instead of dogs to sniff out drugs and bombs at airports, due to their sensitive Jew noses. Obviously, this is a horrible idea, because the pay is bad, and the dirty Kikes would probably form a union and demand moar, thus wasting our tax money. Dirty heebs.
[edit] History
Jews have always existed, from the beginning of time. When the first neanderthal crawled off his haunches and walked on two legs, there was already someone named Goldblatt walking up to sell him life insurance.
There were hard times for Jews as well. The Egyptian Pharaohs turned Jewish men into bricks for the pyramids while ass-raping their women. That was untill Moses came. Moses' God did all the heavy lifting when it came to drowning the Pharaoh. Jews just tagged along, and when the going got tough, they srsly considered deserting Moses. After they were once again "free," Moses left them alone for some time. During this time, epic faggotry ensued. One of them named Alan Greenspan melted the gold ornaments of all of the rest of them, and created a calf statuette that moo-ed when the wind blowed. All jews quickly abandoned Moses' God in favour of the statuette. Such was the state of epic faggotry and fail, that Moses had the throats slit of all those involved. To this day, saying moooo to a Jew elicits lulz.
There are currently over 9000 Jews worldwide, of which 90 percent live either in Florida; the Wedgwood neighborhood in Seattle; the Upper West Side of New York City (also referred to as "Jew York City" and "Hymietown"); Northern Long Island, where they raise baby Jews on their golf courses (see also: Great Neck); Bethesda/Chevy Chase in Washington, DC's Maryland suburbs; and around Canter's Deli in Los Angeles, the Gold (JEW!) Coast in Chicago - if none can be found there, then Hitler probably got them. Most are involved with the Illuminati in a conspiracy to spread international faggotry, thus they are responsible for every major war. It is rumored that the Jews, in fact, have penetrated the Freemasons and control them directly, using their influence to control American politics by proxy. Some also theorize that the upper Jewish echelon consists of reptilian shapeshifters, but this remains as conjecture, although evidence suggests that in the 1980's many wealthy Kike "Jews" started the "Let's Love The Jews in America" movement to shove the holocaust in our faces and try to make the idiots that saved their weak asses feel bad. Then we had to get angry and throw some money in the ocean for them to run after it and drown.
Jews often use humor to counter exposures of their nefarious activities. This also appeals to their vanity.
<chat> Ring around the rosy <chat> pocket full of posies <chat> ashes ashes <chat> JEWS DID 9/11
[edit] Jewish Slashfic
The Jews wrote some of the oldest wingger's fanfic still in existence, which is alternately called the "Old Testament" and the "Tanakh". Based on these writings, they obviously hate homosexuals. Sometimes as psychotic, violent and convoluted as a Shaw Brothers/Tarantino collaboration, the "Old Testament" AKA the Jew Testament is filled with acts of naked misogyny that would make any feminist instantly livid, as well as multiple counts of mass murder and homophobia akin to that of their future Teuton oppressors, partially redeeming this otherwise Messiah-denying lot of hook-nosed bean counters. Also, unleavened bread consumption, hallucinating burning vegetation, daring HJIC Abraham to knock up some Egyptian harlot to create Israel's future "enemy"... the Jew Testament is full of hours of family-safe drama and lulz.
[edit] Jews and Jesus
LULZ THEY PWNED JESUS (those motherfuckers)
[edit] Jew Traditions
| WARNING! This section contains Sick fuckery! |
All Jewish baby boys are required to have the foreskin from their penises cut off, or "circumcised," when they are a few days old. This has been going on for thousands of years, as it was ordained in the Talmud, the Jew version of the Holy Bible.
According to kike scholars, a key part of the circumcising process is called "Metzizah b'peh." This is the part of the ceremony when the "mohel" (the rabbi performing the act) removes the blood from the baby's penis, in the area where the skin has been cut. The Talmud demands that the rabbi must remove the blood by placing the penis in his mouth, sucking off any blood that's there. Meanwhile the baby screams in pain and fear.
Yes, the Talmud orders Jews to GIVE INFANTS BLOWJOBS. As if having their dicks barbarically mutilated wasn't enough, they must suffer further sexual abuse from an old man with a long beard. This means that every single rabbi who performs circumcision is a pedophile. Naturally, as an adult, the baby will go on to abuse other children, whether or not he becomes a rabbi.
According to this article, this behavior led to a Rabbi giving seven infants Herpes, from which they subsequently died. LOL THANKS JEWS!!11
It is worth remembering that an infant boy's innocence can be destroyed like a Palestinian encampment if he is left with a Rabbi for any period of time. In this manner, the rabbits (correct spelling, as Jews, while excelling in numbers, and particularly money, fail when it comes to anything else, such as spelling), are analogous to the Catholic priest. Both are pedophiles, and love making religion "fun" for anyone under three years of age.
A little-known fact about the Jews is that they are now harvesting the foreskins to craft the flesh of a biological horror known only under the name "Messiah." Little else is known, especially the purposes and motivations behind creating such a sinister being, although rumors suggest that it shall usher in a new era of the Jew through great acts of violence, including white-collar crime and various forms of usury, the Jewish modus operandi.
Jews only care about money. If there was no money in the world, the Jews would keep their noses down and out of the media's bullshit. None the less, if a Jew was handed a dime and dared to jump into a volcano, he would.
Jews have several holidays throughout the year, including Mud Kippur, 9/11 and Hit A Jew Day. The actual dates they are celebrated on depends on their made-up Jew-calendar, which takes into account seasonal variations in the Dow Jones Industrial Average.
See Also
- Jayjg
- Perverted Justice
- Shota
- CP
- Rape
- Catholic
- A serious article about how to protect your baby from herpes caused by metzitzah b'peh.
[edit] Jews and Hitler
After Hitler created the Jews by mistake using the toxic substance known as Myanus he made an heroic attempt to get rid of the hook-nosed threat with gas. Despite producing well over 9000 deaths, perhaps even close to 6 billion, he was pwned before he was finished. He became an hero and cried "I don't understand...the Mudkipz said I would be supported!" Jews were nearly exterminated over the snitchzel-eating dictator.
Hitler started to hate the Jews when one Jewish woman scraped his cock with her fangs in a fatal oral session, as her nose kept getting in the way. Hitler gave her a dutch oven in retaliation, starting the tradition of gassing Jews.
[edit] Jews Did 9/11
Yes, after the Jews regained their homeland through completely legitimate means they quickly discovered that they had to share their squat of sand with a bunch of Arabs. Getting rid of those Sandniggers was suddenly the only thing Jews could think about. At first, UN was sympathetic to the plight of the Jews, because, after all, no human should be forced to share things with Arabs. However, the UN soon remembered that killing Jews was the one thing that always united the peoples of the planet. Helping Jews is simply against everything the UN stands for.
Now alone and desperate, the Jews needed to do something in order to get the stone rolling in the right direction. The Elders of Zion had a meeting with George W Bush, and decided to organize a "terrorist" attack against the World Trade Center. The Arabs were easy to blame, because they hate America and the freedom it represents.
Simplifying matters even further, an obscure little Freedom-Fighting organization known as Al Queda, which just wanted to be recognized, was more than willing to take the blame. Their leader, Osama Bin Laden, was quick to issue a video claiming responsibility for the attacks that was sold to Fox, and Americans like the stupid retards we are believe everything on Fox News as the Absolute Truth.
The operation went much better than the Jews expected. Americans went into homicidal rage, first on Afghanistan and then on Iraq, and when there will be no more place for dead Iraqi babies in Tigris, they'll probably go for Iran.
Once the Americunt Military is done liberating the Middle East from the Arabs, the Jews will move in and lick off the topping of the oil on the cake; the US will be left with the less tasty bottom, and a lot of Jew spit. In the aftermath, the Jews will once again have proven successful at manipulating the government, taking advantage of the media, extorting foreign opinions, killing random people, and seizing a large portion of oil to fund their needs and make more jew gold.
[edit] Jews and World War III
According to anonymous world leaders it is widely accepted that World War III will be a result of the ongoing attempts of jews to ass-rape arab babygirls which are the only equal sex partners considering the average size of a jewish penis.
A widely-reported incident occurred in late 2001 when the French ambassador to London, allegedly called Israel "that shitty little country" and asked "Why should the world be in danger of World War III because of those people?" during a private party.
[edit] Jews did Michael Jackson
Some people believe that Jews did Michael Jackson. Their reasoning goes as follows:
- 1. Jewish monetary perverts drool at the billions accumulated by MJ. They say shalom and try to invite themselves to dinner and MJ says GTFO.
- 2. In addition, Jews at the CIA want to insert memes into his lyrics so that they can sell more dope to the listeners. MJ says gb2hell.
- 3. Jews insert bait children into his life. Indeed, some of the children's families were bff with their Jewish attorneys.
- 4. MJ smells trouble, and responds with lyrics. The unedited version of one of his lyrics went as follows (srsly). Jewish lawyers made him change it. The song is accompanied by a creepy music that gives you visions of Jewish shark lawyers trying to banhammer you for good.
- He really fucked,
- He thought he really got control of me
- Somebody's out there,
- Somebody really wants to get me
- Kick me
- Kike me
- Use me
- Abuse me
- Sue me
- Jew me
- Take control of me
- 5. Jews find nothing funny and proceed with banhammering him. They fail at the banhammer but succeed in putting him out of commission.
[edit] The Jewish Horror We Live In: Summing Up
Jews are some kind of disease that takes over your body
- Jews control the brain, the state: Through laws and institutions, we, the normal people, are restricted and enforced via state force, to obey and pay the Jew. The Jew has infiltrated the system hundreds of years ago, changed the law and restrictred our natural right to persecute the Jews. Today, even the stating your own opinion about the Holocaust ist verboten in our beloved Deutchland as it is now but a jewish dictatorship disguised as a democracy. How is this possible you ask?
- Jews control the heart, the media: It doesn't matter where you look, media is everywhere. And it's all controlled by Jews, directly and indirectly. Directly by controlling what the media shows. Whether it's a Hollywood movie or a newspaper mag or even porn (yes even porn, see Ron Jeremy for example, but there are many more!), the Jew is always present in a postive way (like that lie that RJ can give himself a blowjob). Jewish directors like Steven Spielberg or actors like Sharon Stone are supported and promoted, with the aid of the state's money most of the films have a super budget and minor films are never shown. You may say that there is indeed anti-jewish material out there, mainly on the internet, but exactly THAT is the most tactical and smart thing the Jews accomplished: The Internet is spammed with anti Jewish material, consisting mainly of
- dumb anti-jewish nazi comments on youtube and alike
- Borat like material
- sites with anti-jewish propaganda
- WW2 German/Holocaust/War atrocities videos
But the truth is, these things are mainly distrubuted by Jews, in means of making fun out of the Jew's enemies. Even here at ED, right in this article, jewish members exaggerate and try to ridicule facts about Judaism, ruining the work of the honest seekers of the truth, who want to keep the mockery of the Jews at a more believable level.
Us, the ones who know the truth, never make it. We die before reaching the major public.
How can we save ourselves? Don't believe the jewish lies! Look deeper, look beneath, always think twice, don't let them trick you. Even if it's your best friend, don't trust blindly. Believe! Doubt! Ask questions, oppose the law if needed. With Encyclopedia Dramatica, you are never alone.
[edit] Keeping Kosher: An Introduction for Beginners
Jews follow dietary laws given to them by their God Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken, because they've forgotten how to pronounce it (modern scholars believes it was either Yud-Hey-Vav-Hey (YHVH), Jehovah, or Cthulhu). The kosher, or "kraut," laws are voluminous and complex, though the basics include:
- Not eating the flesh of certain "forbidden" animals (such as pigs).
- Not eating the flesh of other Jews. See the above for more details.
- Ensuring that those animals that are killed for food be killed in a ritually sanctified fashion.
- Not consuming meats, eggs, fruits and vegetables in combination with dairy products. The Jews thus despise cheeseburgers and omelets, and accordingly both foods are outlawed in Israel. What's life without a cheeseburger?
- Not consuming grape products, like wine, that are manufactured or touched by non-Jews.
- Eating Aryan babies, usually at Passover and often with a delightful light sauce and table wine.
- Avoiding Zyklon Knishes like the ten plagues of Moses.
- Never eating anything prepared using utensils or dishes that have been used to serve non-kosher food. No, seriously. Like I'm supposed to buy new plates so your Jew ass can eat your slop. Get back in the oven.
[edit] Slurpees and Kashrut
The good news for Jews is that nearly all Slurpees are kosher! Pareve even! Except for Diet Pepsi, which is only Kosher Dairy as it has an anti-freezing sweetener derived from milk. And the Piña Colada, not Kosher at all; stay away Jew.
[edit] Converting to Judaism
Converting to Judaism has several advantages. You are entitled to an Israeli passport that can prove handy if the FBI brands you as a pedobear. You may also be entitled to a resort like villa in occupied Palestine. A little paperwork can also get you some German holocaust reparations.
Alas, its not that easy. Realizing that they would be flooded by poor people from India and China, Jews never encourage conversion. Even dark colored Ethiopian Jews are laughed at as half-asses in Israel. If you inquire about converting, Jews would direct you to join Jewish scam-business cults such as Scientology and Jehovah's Witnesses instead. Bear in mind that if you join these groups to get Jew gold, you will be the one paying it instead!
[edit] Jews in Physics
The Jew is the SI unit of energy, according to my Chinese physics teaching assistant. Jews are a derived unit consisting of "nutrons" and "mereters".
Thus, the Holocaust was actually an alternative energy program; whereby, Jews were burned in ovens to power turbines and generate economical electricity from non-fossil sources. Some argue that after centuries and centuries of constant pwnage, Jews had a boost in their average heat capacity, which makes them a cheap source of energy more than other races, although it's a well known fact that niggers have a high heat efficiency as well (and of course are cheaper than Jews).
[edit] Jews in Politics
Henry Kissinger Ariel Sharon Shimon Peres
[edit] Fun Facts About Jews
- If you knock the yarmulke off of a jews head he is a free man and will stop being cheap immediately!
- All Jews Love The Pixies (Especially Alex the Jew)
- All Jews who survived or escaped the Holocaust did so by denouncing a family member to the Nazis.
- All Jews who never had a family but still survived or escaped the Holocaust did so by denouncing a neighbor to the Nazis.
- No matter what kind of porn, a Jew's penis will never grow bigger than the nose.
- Jews did WTC
- Jews are ten times smarter than you, which is why they
get away with everythinggot fucked by the nazis. - Jews are not only good in math like the Asians, but also good in physics.
- Jews did Michael Jackson
- Every single person ever to edit Wikipedia is a Jew (See The Wikipedia Jews).
- Steven Seagal is
halfjewish - All Jews Are Inbread (oven joke or typo? who knows...)
- Scientist believe that the consumption of jewish bread could make you smarter.
- Jews are the only group of people in all of human history to ever be persecuted. They are the only race in all eternity to have a Holocaust done against them. Ever. Ever.
- Jews own all the banks and the majority of the world's financial and political assets and use these to advance the interests of Israel, and at the same time are advocating a worldwide internationalist Communist conspiracy which would destroy the world's capitalist establishment. This makes sense.
- Currently furries compare themselves to the Jews because Nazis are oppressing them. Along with everyone else.
- If you do not support Jews or Israel, or if you like Arabs, then you are a terrorist.
- Tripping a Jew is considered good luck in Australian and New Zealand cultures, as is telling them to "Go have a shower", which nearly always results in lulz.
- Jews can shapeshift! Beware!
- Odo from Star Trek Deep Space Nine is a Jew.
- Although no-one knows a Jews true appearance, we assume they look similar to, but maybe not exactly like furries.
- Jews are one of the very few mammals whose life cycle includes eggs. After the JEW EGG has been laid by the female, it can only be fertilized by a doctor or a lawyer.
- Jews eat Aryan and Arab young. One can wonder why, as they are not kosher, being pigs.
- Yahweh does not protect Jews from bulldozers. Or anything really.
- All Jews know Jew-Jitsu. Lawl.
- Jews were the only people persecuted by the Nazis to get a free country out of it. As none of the other people persecuted during Hitler's European Tour got a free country they actually did quite well out of the Holocaust.
- Arabic, the language of the Quran, is the most commonly used Semitic language. Therefore antisemitism is closer to anti-Islam than anti-Judaism.
- The majority of the world's chubby, high maintenance girls are Jews.
- Quasidan and Simone are Jews. And no one else.
- Jesus was
also the only Jew people didn't hatehated by the Jews and the Romans even up to the point of Romans colluding with the untermech to kill himwith firewith gasby nailing his hide to 2 planks of timber and transforming him into a kebab. - Jews have nukes. Nobody dares fuck with them. Except Palestinians, armed as they are with stones, pointy sticks and their newly-developed bulldozer repellent.
- The Holocaust is completely irrelevant. Bring this up frequently whilst in the company of Jews. After all, it's hard to stay angry at someone who had just made you laugh.
- Snob pieces of shit that need to be sent to the furnace, right now
- Jews and Israel are intertwined. You cannot hate one without hating the other.
- Jews are known for their Jew gold, the bags of gold they carry around their necks.
- Jews are hogging the holocaust.
- Jews made the zog machine for lurking moar in Zion.
Jews are sexy, and I am in fact making out with one. HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT. I SUCK COCKS.- Jews are so greedy, they won't even share the benefits of the Holohoax with the gypsies or the fags
- On average, an adult male Jew will consume over 6 times his own body weight in Palestinian blood each day
- Jews are never wrong, never guilty, and never responsible for anything.
In Jews' defense, at least they aren't furriesHitler proved that Jews must be furries after noting that a rabbi tried humping his beloved Mudkips, who he leiked, and had to call the German Superhero, Captain Zyklon to the rescue. This traumatic experience was the real cause of him becoming An hero.- Ashkenazi Jews (Freud, Marx, Jon Stewart, Einstein, all the famous ones) are actually from Khazar, an area between the Black and Caspian Seas. The entire country was converted to Judaism by their King in 840 AD, making them Jew cosplayers.
- Jews like oil but dislike gas.
- The Jewish media would have you believe Judaism is a major world religion, when it's only practiced by one small ethnic group.
- Nobody cares about homosexuals, cripples, Slavs, Gypsies, communists, atheists, Koreans, Chinese or retards. Only Jews were killed in the Holocaust!
- Jews will get extremely butthurt when you attempt to correct them. [1]
- Jews are responsible for every major war.
[edit] Famous Jews
"Plz, God, make it bigger..."
- Albert Einstein, invented the
A-bombtheory of relativity (sorry japs) - Alfred Nobel, invented TNT, then started the Nobel Peace Prize out of troll's remorse
- Sigmund Freud, told you that you are in love with your mother!
- Uziel Gal, invented the machine gun
- Gloria Steinem, invented the vagina.
- Rupert Murdoch, the leader leader.
- Adolf Hitler wrote a book about jewelery.
- Jerry Seinfeld
- Shylock
- Jesus
- Raptor Jesus
- SlimVirgin
- Jayjg
- Jon Stewart
- Moses
- Quasidan
- Dracula
- Kramer
- anphony
- HedgeJew
- Joe Lieberman
- Jeff Goldblum
- Mel Gibson
- Eric Bauman
- Lowtax
- Armenians
- Longcat
- Blu Aardvark
- Kyle Broflovski
- Ron Jeremy
- AJcomix
- The ACLU
- Henry Kissinger
- Richard Dreyfuss
- God
- Jew
- Steven Seagal
[edit] Quotes
| —David Finkleschmidtstein, To some innocents |
| —Butthurt Jew |
| —Yaron Brook director of the Ayn Rand Institute, another Butthurt Jew |
[edit] Commentary
This quote embodies the true soul of the Jew. He starts out with a Jewtastic argument about racism, but reverts to the typical "stupid inbred sister fucker" garbage that you expect from some butthurt fucker on the internet. He then goes on to say that surprise buttsecks isn't funny, which we all know is incorrect. Also, notice how he resorts to a threatening a lawsuit, the Jew's primary defense
[edit] Jew Songs
All Jews are gay so they naturally have gay so they have naturally gay songs.
Here are some examples of gay Jewish children sticking dreidels up their asses: LOL JEWTUBE REMOVED ALL 3
[edit] Jew Rap
Now this is a story, just listen to it
About how my life got turned to a piece of shit
Now I'd like to take a minute, please, do sit
To tell you how I ended up dying in a place called Auschwitz
In west Jewadelphia, spawned and raised
In people's wallets was where I spent most of my days
Thieving and swindling like Jews always do
And molesting little children outside of the school
When a couple of guys, they were up to no good
Started committing genocide in my neighbourhood
I escaped painful death and Der Fuhrer was pissed
And said "Diese Juden are going to an extermination camp at Auschwitz"
So the Nazis came along and gave me a right scare
With the SS and Goebbels and deportation to nowhere
If anything I'd say Jews are in deep shit
But the rabbi said, "forget it, let's go to Auschwitz!"
I pulled up to the camp about 7 or 8
And saw "Arbeit Macht Frei" on the arrivals gate
I took a look at the ovens and thought, that's it, I'm boned
I'm a Jew in Auschwitz, and I'm about to get pwned
[edit] Soviet Russians on Jews
Russians always hated Jews...
[edit] Jewtube Videos
[edit] Jews lording it over
[edit] Mel Gibson and The Jews
[edit] A Visual Guide to Jews
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[edit] Jew Gallery
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[edit] See Also
- Holocaust, the gift that keeps on giving.
- Lolocaust
- Hitler
- Jew Watch
- Jesus is Hitler
- Holocaust Porn
- GIYUS
- Nazis
- JEWS DID WTC
- Scientology
- Evil
[edit] External Links
- "The Poisonos jew Mushroom" by Julius Streicher
- Israel's main internet hub.
- Website that abuses capitalism for zionist propaganda.
- Everything you wanted to know about Kosher Slurpees.
- Mel Gibson hates Jews
- Proof Jews are cheap bastards
- A fair and balanced look at Judaism
- Israel did it
- Proof that the Jews are the ones to blame for anti-semetic jokes
- Jew Watch - Jewish Occupation of UK Media
- Jewish Media Control
- shut up and eat pork
- jew-org guy
- Humble Right-Wing Jew with Internet Access
- How much Jew-Junk can one website have?
- Blogging Hebrew Hammer
- Jew Porn
- Dirty Rabbi Story
- Wir mussen die Juden getrocke
- IRL Butthurt Jews.
[edit] LiveJournal Joos
- anti_zionists
- gay_jews
- jbcs; or, Jews By Choice.
- all4israel
| Jew is part of a series on Jews
|
Patriarchs Habitats Traditions H8s |
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| Jew is part of a series on Race |
Races to Holocaust Armenians • Aspies • Jews • Gypsies • Furries • Poor • Kurds Races to Lynch Americunts • Blacks • Homeless • Romanians • Retards Races to keep out of your neighborhood Arabs • Wetbacks • Indians • Iranians • Turks • Irish Races that need your love Gooks • Japanese • Chinese • Russians • White Trash • Thai Race Representatives Al Sharpton • Applemilk1988 • Borat • Duane Chapman • Hal Turner • Hitler • Jesse Jackson • Kim Jong-il • Martin Luther King • Nkem Owoh • Obama • Osama bin Laden • W Race orientated groups |
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 Jew is part of a series on "Leaders" of Anonymous |
RULES
Splongcat | Darr | Paul "Fetch" Carnes | BeeHive | Eric Bauman | Magoo | Rorschach | WBM | Mudkips | Bucket | Final Boss of the Internet | Tim Berners-Lee GROUPS Moralfags | Mundanes | Marcab Confederacy | Jews | Illuminati | Nazis | Psychiatrists | Communists | Russian Mafia | Gun Runners | US Government | FBI | NSA | CIA | ARS |
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