From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Kerry Keane, a.k.a. dymaxia, unitedstates@is.rotten, and Kenneth Pangborn, is a Nazi feminist (and thus the only actual feminazi in existence) and an attention whore who pollutes Usenet and MySpace with drivel and butthurt.
[edit] Usenet Flamer, Fucking Lamer
Kerry spammed Usenet for years under a bunch of identities:
She hung out on talk.rape, baseball newsgroups, and celebrity gossip groups, but like all good attention whores, the real subject was HER HER HER.
She liked to say so, but noone is that desperate.
[edit] Victim of the Usenet Archiving Conspiracy
There's nothing worse for an attention whore than having their pathetic crap flushed away. Kerry thought that DejaNews (now Google Groups) was purging itself of the AIDS she spreads everywhere:
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Not everything I write is showing up where it should.
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| —Kerry, upon finding out that her posts were going exactly where they should
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It's true!
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I *am* anti-American. ... There are about five sane people in this country, it seems. And no, I'm not one of them. I fear that I am turning into another street-corner Jeremiah.
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| —Kerry, who got that last part right
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[edit] Crash Into Me: The Meltdown
But all that crazy shit was nothing compared to what happened when she got Irish drunk and totalled her car. She blamed a conspiracy:
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Called Enterprise and left a message, and got a phone response from them right away, saying they had a car. I mean, they called me almost immediately.
Got there, and yet another thing was weird : the car was RED. It is unfailingly silver when I rent it. Very weird. ...
As I was leaving, I saw a rather large middle-aged man watching me. The neighborhood is mixed race, and I know all of the white people in it, and I didn't recognize this guy.
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| —Kerry, dedicated conspiracy spotter
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As brain damage set in, she got crazier:
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Can you believe this? They were going into my apartment to list my CDs and my books and LPs, and they wanted to know the value of these things.
Casting lots is what they were doing.
Remember, only $183 until the junkie boys get rich again.
Don't you feel worthwhile?
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| —Kerry, thinking that the conspiracy wants her crappy CD collection
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And crazier:
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Kerry Lynn Keane
5650 N. Sheridan Road 16E
Car crash was on easter sunday of last year, lake shore drive
Tell the hitman to come right here and put a bullet in my head.
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| —Kerry, protecting her privacy
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And crazier:
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Jesus gets results from her trolling efforts.
If you don't believe me now, rot in hell.
Watch the headlines change....
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| —Kerry, thinking she's Jesus
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And much, much crazier:
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that way there is no way out for me because i have to rape myself in order to 'clear' all of the code ... i'm not gonna testify to every bit of 'code' stolen from my life ... they are carefully taught to not make sense and to use the code that is culled from my life ... i know, i had a dinner conversation with one of these 'fish' ... it was all gassy code from my life, and then the asshole turned around and told me I was 'psychotic'
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| —Kerry, totally insane by this point
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For the most part, noone cared, but someone looked into who she was, and sure enough, it was our favorite tard herself:
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I googled some stuff and her name is Kerry Lynn Keane. What I gather from googling is that she was the one in the car accident and she was possibly raped at one time. I googled the name Kerry Keane and it ties to this website.
[1]
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| —Noone cares about Kerry!
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At some point she accumulated too much brain damage to continue posting to Usenet, so she went one step more retarded and made a MySpace page. Much lulziness ensued!
[edit] Victim of Internet Stalking
For example, just because she spews her personal life all over the Internetz, that doesn't stop her from expecting absolute privacy:
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If we find that you are filth on the internet....we will make sure that you get the "boot" eventually.
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| —Kerry Keane, split personality
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I envision a future in which obsessive, vindictive wackos never follow people on the internet AGAIN. It is possible, people. Menacing or hateful behavior online is NOT "part of the territory" and we should all be thinking of ways to banish these people until they get help and/or get in trouble.
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| —Kerry, wishing she hadn't published her crazy everywhere
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But you better watch out, because if you trash her, she'll take you to Internet court:
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Following people around on the internet - snooping, hacking, engaging in private "intelligence".....is ILLEGAL. ... Even companies like Google or Wikipedia have no reason to snoop on what you do on the internet and don't have much interest in it....unless you are engaging in something criminal. For that, you would already have to be under suspicion of another crime.
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| —Kerry Keane, Internet Lawyer
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It's always funny when someone spams their crap all over the place and then gets mad when someone actually reads it.
[edit] It's Hard Out There For A Slacker
Her brain damage caused her to lose her bullshit job buying books for a library. Of course, hating America and especially George Bush would never stop her from thinking that the whole country should have nothing better to do than to give her a free job:
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Let's face it, there are no laws in this country that obligate you to practice compassion, forgiveness and consideration. Once you've left a school or workplace, they all forget about you, as if you're not a human being. Don't we all forget those with whom we've shared workplaces and schools and social lives?
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| —Kerry
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Well, they couldn't wait to forget about you.
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I don't understand how my former employer can carry on as if I don't matter, and is if I ought not feel as if I have the right to anything, as if I'm to blame for everything. I left Columbia because I felt it no longer had a sense of mission, I felt it had not lived up to its values.
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| —Kerry, not understanding what the word "fired" means
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Of course, it's not like she does anything worthwhile with her time:
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I have to admit that I've always been interested in celebrity "gossip" but only because it dovetails with my interest in sociology and psychology - the relationship of celebrity to the rest of us, or the relationship of entertainment to the rest of society.
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| —Kerry, proving that excuses are like assholes -- everyone has one, and they all stink
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I can't figure out what has happened to me that I can't read like I used to. You would think that someone who had spent her life in academia would be able to get some reading done during a two-year unemployment period.
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| —Kerry, who apparently never learned the word "lazy" in all her time in "academia"
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And it couldn't have anything to do with her rancid personality:
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Back in 2001, we were in a hiring process at Columbia....and one of the things one of the candidates said to me - after learning I attended Northwestern - was, "you have a reputation at Northwestern."
To me that was disturbing and absurd. I tried very hard to keep a low profile while I was there.
It seems to run in the family. I was just looking through my father's old yearbooks at De La Salle, and he said that his hobby was "sleeping". Why I seem to attract people who hate me without cause is baffling to me.
I'm not blind or stupid about it - it's always been clear to me that they're nothing more than a bunch of creepy racists. Creepy racists who get off thinking they've found their secret little scapegoat, someone on whom they can blame all of their failures and humiliations on.
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| —Kerry, blaming it all on the niggers
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But this was nothing compared to her adventures in the animal kingdom!
There's nothing like the love between a girl and her dog:
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But the funniest thing happened the other day. I walked up to Duke - and he playfully head-butted me and knocked me right to the ground! It was so unlike him, but he did it in such a cute and playful manner. ... He had a frustrated look on his face, and he head-butted me, like he's trying to tell me, "I know you're having a hard time, and this is how people treat you." He copies what he sees around him.
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| —Kerry, whose own dog hates her
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Stop raping your dog and maybe he'll treat you better.
Notice how she manages to whine about how the whole world hates her when describing an incident with her own dog.
