Redneck

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Your typical Southern Redneck.

Note the condition of the truck, the man on the left bending over for anal sex, and the dirty clothes everyone is wearing.

A redneck is a stupid, shit-packing faggot mouth breather, who dislikes the company of anyone who is from "the city", and likes to rape their red-headed step-children, and ghey men. Thomasville, GA is also known as one of the redneck capitals of the south. All of the rednecks there hang out at "The Covey" (a lame ass bar/lounge in a cheap hotel) and have buttsecks in the handicapped bathroom. This often results in the night clerk shooting people with lazers. Whenever they are subjected to the company of a normal human being, or a black person, they freak out, and beat their wives. 100% of their society is illiterate, and most likely to become whores who like to cook meth in their trailers, and lick a dog's ballsac. The common characteristics: being culturally, and technologically at least 100 years behind the rest of the country, an extremely simplistic worldview, and tendencies to obesity and retardation. Also, the television sets in a redneck household are turned on for an average of 20 hours daily. Be smart and don't associate with them.

Incidentally, most furries are rednecks (and vice versa).

Introduction to Rednecks

Rednecks are exactly like regular, common, everyday people, except different. Rednecks have different ways of doing things than the rest of the world. For instance, the rest of the world is suffering from the takeover in the music industry by rap and emo. Rednecks have been writing their own music in the exact same way they did for at least 100 years, calling it Country Music Bluegrass music; country became rock in the 80s and no one noticed. Some rednecks live in trailer parks in the suburbs and eventually grow up to be wiggers, according to the Canadian unfunny Trailer Park Boys TV show. Even though rednecks disassociate themselves from niggers, there is no denying that Redneck=Nigger. This is seen in black mens insatiable lust for white woemens, and rednecks lust for farm animals. You can learn more about rednecks from watching the movie "Deliverance."

Redneck Music

Redneck Sports

Rednecks watch sports that to them are the only sports, but never actually play any sport or do anything but talk about sports they watched. Their sports of choice include NASCAR and football. Rednecks play American football, which is similar to European rugby, except it is played by gorillas and retarded white people. Sports are an important social glue for rednecks, a fact confirmed by the fact that the current American football champion has 82 friends on MySpace.

Redneck Slang

GIT R DOOOOOOOOONE.

Your average redneck. a.k.a. warners sister.

"Hey feller, you ever done did getted that thar thingy that you said you was gonna get from the catalog?"

Loosely translated, this means "Did you receive the item which you ordered from the catalog?" A catalog is a form of old media. It was similar to eBay, but printed on paper and sent to everybody's house through the mail, another form of old media. Also, a catalog did not have the possibility of a bidding war where the price of an item escalated to over 9000 times its actual value and could be bought by nobody.

Common Redneck Sayings and Translation

• Macn da laf durn = We are going left in our automotive vehicle.
• Relo my boomstick = Please place more of your ammunition into my handheld firearm.
• Gettin my cusin done wile watchin the datona 5 hundrurd = Honeymoon.
• I goin to skol to do da numba lernin = I am on my way to a learning institution to be educated in mathematics.
• I gradadated da kendrgarden = Highest Learning Diploma/PHD.
• Ma i cumd home wit da dinr = Roadkill.

Redneck Mating

Your average redneck Myspace profile.

A redneck ocean liner.

Main article: Redneck Mating.

Since many rednecks come from small country towns in the US, there is not many people around. Due to this, there is not a large amount of eligible people to mate with. Many rednecks avoid these problems by marrying their sibling or their cousin. Funfun. This results in more retarded children, who grow up to be rednecks and do likewise. This population expansion in the redneck communities results in the Republicans winning the election. See also: Cowboy Buttsecks.

How do I know if I'm a redneck?

Don't worry, the fact that you are able to access the Internet means that you are most likely not a redneck. You are also safe if you've never had to defend your girlfriend's honor by bringing a bucket of paint up the water tower (I'll clear your name, sis, I swears I will!). Also, in order to be a redneck, you must first be white and must possess several of the following items:

• A truck.
• 4 foot tall CB whip antenna on your truck, during and after hunting season.
• Miscellaneous car parts, in your overgrown yard or house.
• At least one car on cinder blocks.
• A tractor, even though you don't live on a farm.
• A beagle dog or collection of dogs underneath your trailer.
• A collection of Elvis 45's.
• A Lynyrd Skynyrd shirt.
• A hatred of blacks, Jews, orientals and towelheads because they keep putting the white man down.
• Speaking of which, if you open the Truck window and shout "NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER!" at every black person you see, every time you go into town.
• A VCR with an extensive Disney VHS collection and 5 copies of Roadhouse.
• A flannel shirt.
• A "The South Shall Rise Again" bumper sticker and/or a confederate flag vinyl sticker covering your back windows on the above mentioned truck.
• A "Calvin Pissing" decal as well.
• A turkey fryer.
• Six toes, due to rampant inbreeding.
• If you understand what the hell Larry the cable guy is actually saying. Extra points if you actually find him funny.
• If you associate the word fag with Jeff Gordon.
• You find your sister attractive.
• You have a shiny new car while your house looks like utter shit.
• You own at least one Git-R-Done t-shirt, bonus points if you cut the sleeves off.
• You own at least one rifle (such as a shotgun or 22).
• If your voice is unexceptionably loud, and your personality and the actions you make resemble that of a barbarian.
• If your idea of fun involves doing stupid stunts with your truck and beating the shit out of people.
• If own at least one camouflage hat, and you wear it wherever you go.

This is the standing record for the dumbest redneck that has ever existed. Note that it sympathizes with furries, but hates Arabs:

More of his furfaggotry.

The Fascination with Hunting

One would say that rednecks hunt in hunting clubs that are out in the middle of butt-fucking nowhere. This is the excuse for the typical redneck male to sneak out of the trailer to engage in group sex with other men at the clubhouse and out in the wild with the animals, much like another group of people. Most rednecks hunt for the sheer shock value of this now retarded past-time. Some however must hunt for their food because the government has deemed them unsafe from the public roadways, and the local Winn-Dixie just closed the meat department due to diseases.

Gallery

I CAN SHOOT DOWN THAT ANNOYING ASS TRAFFIC HELICOPTER THAT ALWAYS WAKES US UP NOW.	A prime example of what occurs when a redneck is allowed into society; note the feigned education, "rustic" tone, and most importantly, the colloquial stature.	A redneck god.	A redneck snowplow.
A typical redneck date.	Typical rednack gathering. Note the gimp splayed out in the background for communal use.	hawt.	An average redneck girl 10 A.M. Sunday Morning.
Sample of image style found in a Redneck porn collection.

See Also

• Incest
• White People
• wiggers
• Insane Clown Posse
• REDNECK RADIO
• Sweet Eva
• Australia
• Cigarskunk
• Furry
• Mouth breather

External Links

• Video games and Rednecks don't mix