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Kobe Bryant

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

WARNING!

This article contains Niggas!

Kobe Bryant is a typical uppity nigger and all-star NBA Basketball player for the Los Angeles Lakers. In 2003, while rehabilitating from knee surgery at a Colorado Spa, Bryant had consensual sex with a white woman and then raped her in the ass.

You gonna get...well, you know.

There goes that whole secret identity thing.

See? He LOOKS really sorry.

Ms. Faber wasn't the only one to benefit financially from the incident

1 Rape Ape
2 Almost, Almost-Rape
3 The Settlement
4 Tips from the Big Man
5 Gallery
6 See Also
7 External Links

[edit] Rape Ape

Kobe was arrested and interrogated by police and then released back into the wild where he scored a team high 28 points and added 7 rebounds in the Laker victory. The spa incident looked like an open and shut case for the prosecution because the victim was a white wiminz and Bryant was an oogily-boogily nigger.

[edit] Almost, Almost-Rape

The accuser, whose identity was to remain super secret turned out to be batshit insane and a likely nymphomaniac. In short, it turned out that Kobe had raped a whore (which is pretty much theft). The victim refused to testify against Kobe out of fear of revealing her identity and the fact that she was a total skeezer. That didnt really matter though, as her real name, Katelyn Faber, and her pictures were already well known on the internets.

It is quite unfortunate that the case never went to trial as lulzy details of the encounter would have been made public record. Details such as:

This wasn't the first time Kobe had cheated on his wife and he bragged to the police about getting away with numerous extramarital affairs.
The victim had semen from at least 100 different men on her underwear at the time of the rape.
Bryant had to choke a bitch during the rape because of his injured knee.
It was consensual sex until Kobe decided to stick it in her ass.

[edit] The Settlement

As compensation for the rape, Kobe agreed to pay the victim for her services, score 81 points in a basketball game, and tack on a typical nigger apology:

“	"Although I truly believe this encounter between us was only almost rape, I recognize now that she did not and does not view this incident the same way I did. If I had known better I still would have just raped her but I probably would have only done it for the lulz."	„
—Kobe Bryant

After the incident, Bryant was dumped from his endorsement deals and had to give a lulzy press conference where he pretended to cry and say he loved his wife for reals despite all the raping, rapes and rape.

[edit] Tips from the Big Man

During the investigation, Kobe told police that "he should have done what Shaq does ... that Shaq would pay his women to not say anything" and that Shaq already had paid up to $1 million "for situations like this." [1] Shaq, disappointed in Bryant's inability to take good advice, promptly deleted Kobe from his buddy list then raped 3 Philippino women to spite him.