Kurt Cobain
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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[edit] The Life of the Famous Dead Guy
Kurt Donald Cobain's greatest claim-to-fame was undoubtedly a result of the cult-like status he conned us into giving him, as frontman of the Seattle garage-band (moar like GARBAGE band, amirite?), Nirvana. As such, he was single-handedly responsible for the wide-spread recognition of the Eastern philosophy of Buddhism; a feat which many Buddhists still thank him for, to this very day.
In addition to this great achievement, Kurt was also the official spokesman for Generation X, a team of mutant-freaks, whose sole existence revolved around saving the people of earth time and time again, from the evils of OTHER mutant-freaks, such as Magneto and Apocalypse.
On a side note: Those of Generation X are no longer considered as valuable members within contemporary society, due to their getting old and decrepit. Hypothetically, this should have eventually lead to the demise of Kurt's infamy and that of Nirvana, however, the freak-show did not stop there.
Following the discovery of his - presumably - rotting, bloated corpse, in his Seattle home last Thursday, Kirk's death was officially ruled the result of a self-inflicted shotgun wound to the head. As such, rather than having the decency to implode upon itself, Kirk's fanbase expanded to include a sub-culture youth-group of emofags, many of whom were still in their fathers' scrotums at the height of Nirvana's fame, and who have since imitated and emulated Kurt's early attempts at emo-ism, thus worshiping him as the first and Final Boss of all things angsty and depressing. The said emofags, intent on capitalizing upon Kurt's fame and his "hardcore" status, continue to plaster the dead celebrity's face all over bags, t-shirts, badges, and every other kind of fandom faggotry known to man, in an attempt to look cool (much like liberal arts students and their edgy obsession with Che Guvera).
Upon his death, Kurt left behind his impoverished wife and fellow musician, Courtney Love, as well as his then, 19 month old daughter, Frances Bean, who has since been confused as a member of the soy-bean family. You can help aid the plight of these desperate crackwhores, by sponsoring them for a mere dollar a day. All YOU need to do, is slip the dollar bill in question into their panties, whilst they are most conveniently on display. This money will then go directly towards paying for their herpes medication, as well crack and other essentials.
[edit] Other Useless Crap Concerning Said Dead Guy
[edit] Kurt Cobain: Gay???
Yes, yes he was. Not only was Kurt an advocate of gay rights, he was also was once quoted as saying:
| —Kurt Cobain |
Although these words do seem to imply that Kurt would have actually rather enjoyed being gay, he begrudgingly comes to the conclusion that he isn't, therefore reinforcing his heterosexuality. This is based upon the logic that no one in their right-mind would admit to having fantasies of being gay, UNLESS they were just bursting with testosterone and totally secure with their other manly characteristics. However, this entire charade of the straight-guy giving the gay-guy a fair-go was - quite obviously - a clever ploy to convince the masses into thinking that Kurt was a heterosexual male, when he was actually a homosexual she-male. But I mean, come on, who the fuck was he fooling anyways? With such pretty blonde hair, big blue eyes and delicate bone-structure, how could he have been anything other than a transsexual fairy?
[edit] Kurt Cobain: Even Gayer???? (Not to be confused with ????)
Further evidence to substantiate claims of Kirk's homosexuality is the existence of Bert McCracken, frontman of the great band, The Used. The alleged love-child of Kurt and Jared Leto (the frontman of yet ANOTHER great band, 30 Seconds to Mars), Bert's biological connection to Kurt is clearly evident, not only in his eccentric appearance, but also due to the fact that his band has also inspired an entire generation of moany posers, all of whom listen to his whiny garbage and proclaim it as deeply meaningful and profound, proving that talent, or a lack there-of, truly does run in the family.
Bert also seems to have inherited both of his fathers' love of public displays of faggotry.
[edit] Conclusive Proof of Kurt Being a Pussy
Kurt's thoughts on his parents' divorce.
| —Kurt Cobain |
So this is where middle-class white America gets-off on blaming all their problems on childhood marital strife. Thanks Kurt, you whiny little bitch.
[edit] Kurt Cobain: A Furfag?
Kurt pre-dates all the sick fucks on the internets by at least 100 years, whereby he was known to have had furry tendencies, way back when. This became evident upon the release of Nirvana's second album, Nevermind. The first song in which Kurt makes a reference to his animal-loving is 'Polly', during which he confesses to fucking a pet-parrot of the same name, BDSM style. Kurt went even further in his love of furry faggotry, when during the song, 'Something in the Way', he admitted to routinely trapping animals under his bridge, where we can only assume he proceeded to rape them in a timely and violent fashion.
Further proof of Kurt's furry faggotry can be ascertained through his love-affair with Jared Leto. Seriously, how else could Kurt have a loved a man who so closely resembles a raccoon, without having already been inclined to some kind of fetish-ism?
See also 'Conclusive Proof of Kirk Being a Pussy'.
[edit] The Progression of Grunge
1. Grab a high school drop-out of prodigical talent.
2. Give him a pair of acid-wash jeans and an electric guitar, on which he can shred his shitty licks.
3. Recruit an off-beat, quirky drummer, and a fugly bassist.
4. ????
5. PROFIT
[edit] Conspiracy Theories
In the years following Kurt's death, the circumstances surrounding his demise have become the subject of much fascination and debate. While some argue that Kurt committed suicide purely for teh lulz, this is complete bullshit considering that he was actually the original emofag and attention whore. Kurt seems more pathetic and deluded when you consider that he was famous, loaded with cash, fairly good-looking and could get all the poon-tang or cock a man could ever need, depending on his preferences. An even crappier conspiracy theory includes Kurt owing money to his heroin dealers and other various associates. Again, this is complete crap. Kurt earned over 9000 dollars in his entire "career", which is more than enough money for any junkie to feed his addiction with.
[edit] Fun Fact Trivia (That isn't Very Fun)
- Some argue that an addiction to cocaine as opposed to heroin, would have been a wiser career choice for Kurt Cobain, based upon the argument that the potential for hilarious and insulting lyrics would have been much greater.
- Kurt is one of many within a particular group of talented musicians, all of whom died at the age of 27. They are collectively - and creatively - known as Club 27, and all of them died of lulz inducing circumstances.
- Due to his excess use of dirty needles shared with his whore-wife/cover-up-fag-hag, it is highly probable that Kurt was in fact infected with every blood-borne disease known to man, including Hep C, HIV, AIDS and the killer monkey virus evident in 28 Days Later.
- Kurt's love of flannel - one of the greatest fashion fuck-ups of the '90s decade - has lead to the spawning of an entire emo sub-culture, Scene Kids, who subsequently love to dress in the said flannel, and team it with mullet hair-cuts and faux leather-boots.
- Grunge is dead... AND SO IS Kurt Kobain!!!11!!!11!1!
[edit] As A Meme
- Also called "Kurt Cobain Reaction". See Gaijin 4Koma.
- Kurt Cobain has trouble concentrating on that which he's supposed to be doing. See Heroin.
[edit] See Also
[edit] Images
 Kurt Cobain is an Guitar Hero |
 ZA WARU– oh, wait. |
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Kurt Cobain is part of a series on An Hero. |
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Categories: Crap | People | Music | Memes
