Lost

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

You just lost The Game!

Contents 1 Summary 2 The Episodes 3 The Characters 4 The Numbers 5 Gay Fandom Stuff 6 Lostpedia 7 COS claims Lost Island run by Anonymous 8 See Also

[edit] Summary

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LOST is an award-winning show about a bunch of whiny fucktards stuck on an island in the internets written by several Star Wars fanbois. The only lulzworthy character in this show is John Locke.

Mainly, it's Gilligan's Island with moar drama, moar fucktards and no funny.

It's a huge success online, due to the fact that the main characters include a fat underachiever, a genuine fruit loop, and a a cunt who thinks that he's always right. The fact that the writers introduce a retarded twist in every episode is viewed as a redeeming quality amongst fans of low-quality drama. The show has a huge following among basement dwellers.

Due to the fact that many gay and/or retarded people who spend way too much time on the internets identify with the show, it has become an old meme in record time. One of its unifying themes centers around crying.

[edit] The Episodes

A summary of all of the episodes of Lost.

This is how John Locke will fuck your shit up

[Click to Collapse Transcript] [Click to Expand Transcript] 0

[edit] The Characters

• Jack: Whiny bitch and possible skinhead. Although he is a surgeon, he has so far botched each one. He married the only survivor of his medical skillz, who in turn cheated on him because he doesn't have a penis. On the island, he has continued his tradition of crying about not being able to "save everyone". We know, Jack, we know. John Locke pwns Jack every possible way. Only faggots and some girls think Jack is the main character instead of Locke.

• Kate: Emotional beaver who can't make up her mind. Later in the series she gets in Sawyer's panties. Main purpose on the show is to cause angst and get kidnapped by Others.

• Sawyer: Redneck. Enjoys eating polar bear food. Has a porn collection somewhere. Makes up nicknames for people on the island. Like Jack, he refuses to grow a full beard. Jumped out of a rescue helicopter because there was too much extra weight on it, rather than throw that fat turd Hurley out like a real man.
  

  

  Sawyer and Jack fighting over Kate

• Locke: Bad ass skinhead box worker who likes going chicken hunting and he will fuck your shit up!!! Only purpose on the show is to cause lulz by killing a main character every three episodes. Dead but will has return after fucking up enough shit in hell.

• Hurley: Fat messican who won the lottery after working in a taco store. He then proceeded to burn his house down and break his mother's leg. Then he turned himself in to a mental institution. Since then he has moved on to more productive things, like sneaking around eating tubs of ranch dressing and crying about being fat.

• Michael: Nigra. Known for stealing watches and watermelon. Also yells for abandoned his son in typical black fashion. Left the island after his stash of KFC was blown up by Locke. Only line in the whole series was "MAH BOI!!!1", repeated over 9000 times an episode. Recently returned to the island, believably, as a janitor. dead lol
• Mr Eko: An African priest who tries to encourage Michael to open a KFC on the island. Unfortunately, he's killed by a random, mechanical black smog (possibly out of someone's ass) and Michael never opens the store.

• Jin and Sun: Azns. Jin was a hitman for Mr. Roboto, aka Suns father. Meanwhile, Sun was banging a penis headed businessman who throws himself out a window after having sex with Sun because he doesn't want to be a father. UPDATE: Jin is now dead for trusting a nigger to defuse a bomb rather than set it off.

• Boone: Locke's bitch. Tries too hard to become a main character on the show and gets himself killed while trying to steal a stash of cocaine from a crashed airplane.

• Charlie: Pronounced "Chah-ley". Was the bassist in the fictional band Driveshaft. All he ever does is redeem himself and try to drown Claire's BAAAEE-BEEEEE!!!!. Hears rumor that Frodo Baggins is in a secret underwater base and goes down to save him. Drowns in the process after realizing too late that Hobbits can't swim.
  

  

  Charlie is a well-known furry.

• Claire: Mocked constantly for always bitching about her BAAAEE-BEEEEE!!!!, Aaron. She is in fact the only Australian on a flight originating from Australia. She's dead or a ghost or some shit like that.

• Sayid: Iraqi with 1337 skillz. Torturer. Breaks necks with his feet for the lulz. Always finding new things to triangulate.

• Juliet: Former porn star and Fertility doctor. Likes to read books and share her opinions on them with other people in her bookclub.

• Ben: Wheelchair poophead that plays head games and lies about everything because he is too creepy and annoying to have friends. Rumored to have genetically inherited eyes from an insect. Father of Hannibal Lecter.

• Tom Friendly: Colossal faggot redneck and probable bear. Wanted to prison rape Sawyer, so Sawyer eventually shot him.

• Desmond: Spent three years in a hatch pushing a button and fapping with Dharma ranch dressing. Calls everyone "brotha," supposedly because he was a monk for like three days. Probably a closet racist. Had visions of Charlie dying. Knows where lightning is going to strike. Predicted 9/11 and 2012.

• Ana Lucia: Put on the island after failing at being a cop and actress. Realizing she also starred in a crappy Resident Evil movie, Michael decided to shoot her. Fortunately, she died after being pounded by Sawyer in the jungle.

• Libby: Psychiatrist. Stopped Hurley from from sinking the island by throwing himself off a cliff. Fell in love with him to make him feel better about his ranch sauce addiction. Purposely got herself killed to avoid commitment.

• Shannon: Incestuous cum slut and sister of Boone. Was glad when he died because he was constantly in her grill about shit. Fell in love with Sayid and made plans with him to build a sand fort together in Iraq. Was shot by Ana Lucia because she didn't know how to STFU while walking in the woods.

• Crazy French Lady: Old crackwhore. Runs around being dirty and savage. Excels in staring at the camera crazily. Steals from Sawyers porn collection and Charlies pot stash, then blames "The Others" for doing it. Wife of Tarzan. Recently pwned by a bullet through her tit.

• Daniel: Neckbeard batshit scientist. Probably has Assburger's Syndrome.

• Miles: Azn disciple of Kenneth Eng and Cho Seung-Hui fanboi. Also a ghostbuster. Locke made him eat a grenade because he hates mud races. Obvious necrophiliac.
  

  

  Who said you could eat those peanuts?
  

  

  Thats no Miles.

• Artz: Highscool teacher who loves spiders, appeared in one episode where he BAWWWW'd about being a background character and wanted to do more. Then proceeded to get his ass blown to shit, proving that its safer to be a nobody. Except for that one time they killed at least 100 nobodies in 30 seconds.

• Charlotte: Ginger cunt from the UK.

• Monster: Giant nigga cloud. Does nothing but kill people who are about to reveal answers. (A clever ploy by the writers so they can continue making up shit as they go along).

• Jim Robinson from Neighbours, in a fail attempt to hide from worldwide typecasting by starring in all known americunt tv shows and movies. Winner of the 1993 Nobel Prize and Shatner award for most over the top acting [[1]]. At least 100% likely to die of an epic lulz heart attack at any moment.

• The Russian: Has an insane healing ability. Combined grenade with Charlie to produce lulz. Stabbed his own eye to prove that he's one of the cool kids.

[edit] The Numbers

4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42. These Numbers fuck shit up because they're cursed.

[edit] Gay Fandom Stuff

• Triangle: Jack, Kate, and Sawyer, the hot threeway action Lost fans wish they had.
• Jate: Jack+Kate shipping. Has a knack for disregarding reality. Kate already fucked Sawyer, so this pairing fails.
• Skate: Same, but filled with filthy furries. (Hence Josh Holloway's "razor-free" stubble.)
• PBJ: Claire and Charlie. Most fanfiction includes crossover mpreg storylines. Total gay.
• Cocke: Claire and Locke, e.g a fifty year old man and a pregnant teenager. One of the sickest.
• Sayid: Towelhead+Pro-ana. Shannon died, but deranged fanfic authors tend to do "Ghost Sayid" stories before their mom catches them in the basement.
• Shoone: The most fucked up of the bunch, this features legal incest. Unfortunately it's canon since Boone actually screwed his sister in one episode.
• Rescued: The charcters actually do end up getting rescued sometime. But when they return they're hit with huge tax bills and decided to go back to the island to escape the bills.

[edit] Lostpedia

“	Desmond's ability to predict the future is actually him somehow channeling predictions from The Island or the magnetic force itself. This is demonstrated through the similarities between the hieroglyphs witnessed by Locke, which were displayed on the Countdown Timer during the system failure, and Desmond's prediction. One interpretation of the hieroglyphs Locke saw in the hatch is "She/Rises to the sky/in Flames//He/Dies." The first part, "She/Rises to the sky/in Flames/" is the female part of the sentence (it's on a red background) and the second part "He/Dies" is male and is on black. This sounds similar to Desmond's prediction about Claire and Aaron getting into a helicopter and Charlie dying in The Looking Glass. Desmond's abilities will develop and evolve as the series continues leading to the point of which he can travel through space and time at will. Because of this he will appear in other character's flashbacks and flashforwards with the knowledge he has in the present and try to stop them from coming to the island. The sound you hear between flashbacks and present event is the sound of Desmond breaking through time. The quarantine may also have been faked by Ben and the Others after the Purge, to keep the station inhabitants in their stations, and keep their various experiments running. The Monster would then be a security system meant to enforce the Quarantine, and perhaps deliver the Periodic Food Drops as well. Boone is alive and living underground with Charlie and Eko.	„
—Typical Lostpedia User, A theory on why the polar bears attacked Sawyer in the first episode.

[edit] COS claims Lost Island run by Anonymous

Proof at last! (Not shopped)

[edit] See Also

• John Locke
• Cult
• Gay
• Lulz
• Lostpedia