Latin
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Latin is an inflectional language that was created by Romans in order to seduce their women, it was a direct descendant, and combining, of the Etruscan (another Italic tribe) and Greek languages. For male seduction by the Romans, please refer to the article on Ad hominems.
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She Wanted It
Latin is what linguists call a 'dead' language. What this, essentially, means is that Latin is only used by know-it-all dickwads that can't get it up. Latin's heart was lost in 370CE when Hypatia, Theon of Alexandria's daughter, was born. Surviving texts from the time tell us that she was A Plus at science, and speculation by terminally bored nerds is that she was probably hot. Regardless, Latin was a hardcore pedophile, and fell fatally in love with Hypatia's sweet one-minute old ass.
Latin committed suicide in 381CE when it discovered Hypatia had menstruated after the crazy bitch waved her bloody period rags in its face. Seriously.
Contemporary Latin Use
Today Latin is used primarily by three groups, two of which hate each other,
- Law students use limited Latin when they are not getting arrested for DWI.
- Scientists of all kinds, from biologists to philosophers, use Latin for all the important things- such as categorization of anything they see (Latin has better affixes than Diablo II), and catchphrases; Astronomers (Greek, Astron, lit. Star) too, all the planets and stars have Latin (or Greek) names such as "Sol" (solar, the Sun), Mars and "Earth's" proper scientific name is "Terra".
- The Vatican Church, in contrast, generally uses Latin to tell regular folk how evil they are, and for secret communicaes to its priests regarding taking it in the ass. The Vatican's manual, written in Latin, is considered the quintessential coffee-table book.
True to its roots, everybody that regularly employs Latin in normal speech is a hungry pedophile.
Latin is taught in English fee paying schools (confusingly called Public Schools) and also sometimes single gender schools. This is so that should you meet or dig up a dead Roman in England, you can at least flame him in his own language.
Latin basically devolved into the "Romance Languages" such as Italian, Spanish, French, 80% of English, (some) German, Romanian et cetera. Ergo one could say it never really died.
It is also used by film composers to create AWESOME choral atmospheres in Roman Shakespeare movie adaptations. (see track Victorius Titus)
Latin America
Latin America is generally wherever Spanish people happen to be when in or around the United States. Latin Americans don't actually speak Latin, despite what you may assume, and instead take their name from their preference for young pussy. Latin American women, in a desperate attempt to stay the rising incidents of pre-teen rape among their culture, invented the 'Brazilian wax' - an artificial method of looking like a hot piece of ten-year old cunt.
Latin America's pre-teen rape incidents have since stabilized, and the culture is now known primarily for producing annoying pop-stars and incredibly ugly she-males.
When Latin Teachers Go Bad
IMAGINES MOVENTES HEREDIS ILLAE FUTATAE
- Nonne plus Paridis Hiltonis videre vis?
- Fabula LATINE HIC!!!!!
Common Latin Phrases
- Stercus Accidit - "Shit happens"
- Verbane "horreum nigrorum mortuorum" extra scripta sunt? - "Is there a sign that says 'dead nigger storage' outside?"
- Vir niger planum meum clepsit - "Nigga stole my plane"
- Caveat emptor - "The George Foreman Grill."
- A priori - "This is bullshit you should swallow without question."
- Et tu, Brute - "Oh, crap."
- Ad fundum - "In the ass"
- In absentia - "In the ass"
- Deus Ex Machina - "Plot lulz."
- Ad hominem - "Stop picking on me or I'll cry"
- Veni, vidi, vici - "Don't make me hurt you."
- Alea jacta est - "Now I'm going to hurt you."
- Finis coronat opus - "Bush Twins '08!!!"
- Manus manum lavat - "Only dwarves fuck dwarves."
- Etcetera - "That's all I've got"
- Praeterea sanctum nihil est neque ab inguine tutum, non matrona laris, non filia virgo, neque ipse sponsus levis adhuc, non filius ante pudicus; horum si nihil est, aviam resupinat amici. - "A/S/L?"
- TU NUB' ATQUE TACE! - STFU, N00B! (Juv. Sat. I,61)
- Mea navis aëricumbens anguillis abundat!- My hovercraft is full of eels= I'm fucking stupid
- Et nihil pretii perivit. - "And nothing of value was lost."
- Passer mortuus est. - "SHIT IT DOESN'T STAND UP!"
Latin is widely considered to be completely irrelevant to normal life and, like everyone who becomes irrelevant, is currently planning a globe-spanning comeback tour. Ticket prices are expected to reach double figures. Girlvinyl, president of her high school Latin club, has already bought all the tickets.
See Also
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Latin is part of a series on Language & Communication. |
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