Latvia
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Latvians, like citizens of many tiny ex-Soviet nations (Lithuania, Kyrgyzstan) lack a cultural identity, and make up for this by claiming to have invented absolutely everything under the sun, including the television, alcohol, fire, and AIDS. The fact is, Latvians did NOT invent the television, alcohol, or fire. Sorry. They did, however, launch a distributed denial of service attack against Idlenet; thusly all botnets that are complete failures are referred to as Latvian botnets.
The primary export of Latvia is the fat suctioned from the gigantic ass of Areems and Gedroics, which is rendered and made into soap by more intelligent nations.
One of the more unique customs of Latvia is the Feast of Count Blacula, a local holiday during which Latvians cremate a goat and hurl the ashes at the "cretinous Jew".
Latvia's current president is Valdis Zatlers aka Doctor Doom, who rules the country with an iron fist. He would like to remind you that "Latvia is serious business, ya."
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[edit] History of Latvia
Since the beginning of time, Latvia has been serious business. They were once a great power, the rulers of the Baltics, until Last Thursday, when over 9000 minions of Tacgnol came to bother Longcat, who was slumbering under the Baltic Sea. Longcat was all "Tacgnol doesn't know about my powers" and kicked his ass so that he could go back to sleep. All this happened on Latvia. It was like two sumo wrestlers fighting on a dime. Latvia got pwned, but then went back to looking at Pokérotica out of Penthouse.
After this tragedy, they claim to have founded the Silver Circle. They also claim to have invented Politcasm and ground meats, the only things they actually did do, but, as always, they did it wrong.
The national sport of Latvia is Wayfinder, as it has been ever since last Thursday.
[edit] Latvia Today
Latvia suffers an infestation of its Russian enemies, after they realized how shitty Russia was and snuck into the nearest country to give AIDS.
Most Latvians are Satanist, because after they got raped by Stalin last Thursday, they're still butthurt. The others just don't give a shit.
Everyone in Latvia watches Television. One Latvian TV station, Howiereportinglive, won the THRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLS from Scotty Vanity. Latvia is also unfortunate enough to have MTV Latvija, which continuously broadcasts shitty emo wigger music and Unfunny reality shows.
[edit] National Anthem of Latvia
Now this is a story all about how my
Country got flipped turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
I'll tell you how I become a boring country called Latvia.
In the west Soviet Union born and raised
On the Baltics is where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out, maxin', relaxin', all cool
And all shootin' some homosexuals outside of the school
When a couple of Commies that were up to no good
Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and the Saeima got scared
And said, "You're leaving the Soviet Union and changing your name back to Latvia"
I whistled for a flag and when it came near
The plating was burgundy and white and it had a 2:1 ratio
If anything I could say that this flag was rare
But I thought, "Nah, forget it. Yo home to Bel-Air!"
I pulled up some shit around 2004
And I yelled to NATO "Hey, lemme join!"
Looked at the EU I was finally there
To sit on my ass as the boring country of Latvia
[edit] Latvia (Eurovision 2008)
EPIC!!! FUCKING SHIT THEY DIDNT WIN!
HA HA, THE RUSSIANS KICKED THEIR ASSES. (Recent research suggests NINJA INVOLVEMENT!)
[edit] Latvians
Latvians are strange folk. Made of 2 parts Russian and 1 parts Jew, the greatest aspirations they have in life is to become an folk hero, the ballad of their deeds being spread across the land.
What makes Latvia slightly less fail is the lack of niggers. Roughly there's about 20 of them. Only niggers have made a club which is now about 2 years old (srsly). Any nigger who dares wander the dark corners of Latvia gets instant punch to the face by citzens. Any actual nigger children get beat up at schools etc.
Every year faggots and lesbos do their pride parade faggotry festival festivity or shit. Most of the time it get's lulzy. The only people who go watch these ass parades are only those who are there to bash the ever loving shit out of homos. Usually it ends with people shouting at fags and throwing (human) shit at them both figuratively and literally, becuase unlike russia, they can't get their gay asses pwned by everyone, like they can in Russiya. Makes you wonder why the fuck these ass-pirates even make such festivals.
To put it simply if you are a nigger it's tough shit for you. If you are gay it's even tougher shit for you. Gay niggers are natural enemies of Latvians so you can make the job easier for them by becoming an hero.
[edit] Children
There are no children in Latvia. It was an urban myth. Latvia imports people into their country, by promising them stag parties and not letting them leave. They are then sent to the baby factory where they must spend the rest of their days making babies to be used as food. The ones you see in the videos and pamphlets are really just midgets.
[edit] Women
There are no women in Latvia. There are only men dressed as women, because the Ruskys went in and took their women back from Latvia after they ran away from home. The closest thing they have is a very nice lady who likes to bake children into cookies.
[edit] Notable Latvians
[edit] Gallery
 Latvian citizens |
 Latvian idols |
 Comrades |
 Our country has a problem... |
 Apparently disabled persons do not have this problem. |
 Looks like police is disabled, too. |
 Latvia still uses woman powered ploughs. |
 The leader |
 Political affairs |
 Typical woman driver in Latvia |
[edit] See also
[edit] External links
Million reasons why Latvia is the best country in the world
Myspace for latvians. Notice the orange color sponsored by Tautas Partija
