Left 4 Dead

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Left 4 Dead is a Counter-Strike mod designed by Marc Griffin that pits four minorities against a horde of infected humans that tend to Zerg rush them continuously. The game is notable for its high re-playability and dynamically generated content, ensuring that no two playthroughs are ever the same. 28 Days Later is often cited as an influence of Left 4 Dead, however, as 28 Days Later actually had a story and explanation for the outbreak of infection, the game can be considered nothing more than a fractional ripoff. Favorable critical reception and overwhelmingly positive reviews eventually gave way to a sequel.

UPDATE: Less than a year after its release, Valve decided to churn out more shit for you to dump your money into. Expect your two new character models (Which happen to be niggers) November 17th.

90% of the game will be spent tending to women and their petty fucking needs.

Characters

At the heart of Left 4 Dead's deep storyline lie four main characters that the average player will find difficult not to relate to.

Promotions

Bill: 60-year old acid addict who believes he is a war veteran because he wore a uniform to his daughter's 13th birthday for a stripper act and forgot to take it off before he passed out. He's very well known for his catchphrase "This is going to hell in a handbasket REAL fast." Note: If you team-kill Bill, it is absolutely necessary to scream "WHAT HAPPENED TO BILL" as loud as you possibly can.

Francis: Hardcore biker and Internet tough guy. He commonly goes on 4chan and spams all boards with the message "ima biker IRL!!!!11!!!!!111111oneelven1" Has an obvious thing for Bill, and openly longs to see him smear boomer vomit all over his body as evidenced by the opening movie. Hates FUCKING EVERYTHING.

Louis: Touted by the developers as a representation of the every-day man trying to survive in a chaotic situation, but obviously thrown in at the last moment to fill their nigger quota. Playing as Louis results in frequently losing control of your character as your view switches to third-person while your avatar goes on a frantic hunt for all pills in the vicinity while blaring "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH. OH NO", spawning a horde twice as large as that of a car alarm's.

Zoey: 16 year old girl added to include at least one pair of boobs that hasn't half-way decomposed. Adds an element of fantasy to the game, as she is able to take more than one hit of damage before collapsing into tears, and avoids rape while alone with three men who will undoubtedly never see pussy again. Also the most childish in the group; Says all the sexual innuendo. Players will spend most of their time making sure Zoey survives, in hope of getting some. Some argue she's even slept with Bill, Louis, Francis, and all the special infected (twice). The whiniest of the four. She usually cooks for all the men in between each level. This explains why the characters never get hungry.

Chicago Ted: Retarded in-game meme based on a Chuck Norris wannabe who probably killed himself fifteen minutes after scribbling his stupid name on the wall by tripping on a soda can and falling off a building. There is little information on him, but as he is about half as interesting as dried paint, this is perfectly acceptable.

It is also worth noting that none of the characters can do a pull up, a powerful design decision allowing fat nerds to more closely identify with them.

Zombie Bosses

Brilliant writing and character development give way to thoroughly engrossing protagonists.

Boomer: Not actually one of the infected, but an average, treacherous fat person. Vomits on players to arouse spectating zombies so much that they can't help but get in on the action. Explodes in a mess of vomit and cheeseburgers, as all fat people do.
Hunter: Infected who were once meth heads who throughout the entire game try to sodomize Zoey. As with all pedos, they are unable to contain themselves with the thoughts of Bill's ass and are often heard making loud, obnoxious snarling sounds, giving away their location. Attacks players by leaping onto them and rapes them until they die.

Smoker: An altered version of a design previously proposed by a Japanese man, the smoker attacks by flinging its tongue up to a hundred feet, and using it to squeeze the life out of its victim. The only way to release a comrade from its deadly grip is to stand in front of him and punch him over and over until the Smoker lets go. Let it also be known that the smoker produces a nasty green cloud. It reeks of death as one might imagine, but with a distinct hint of that bold, refreshing flavor that comes only from the finest Camel cigarettes.

Tank: Entity thrown in by the game engine to ruin fucking everything if the players are determined to be performing too well. Throws shit and takes a million hits to kill. Laughs are generated if a fully-healed player is knocked off a roof in one hit. Extremely flammable and does not know how the fuck to stop drop and roll, burning completely to death upon contact with the smallest spark.

Witch: Sits in the middle of your path crying for no reason. When called out for being an obvious attention whore/emo, goes BATSHIT INSANE and runs all over the place screaming and clawing at its victim while pushing everyone else out of the way like a bitch; Typical LiveJournal user who will also call upon her ass lickers to attack you when called out for her shitty journals. Her special abilities include getting stuck in level geometry, and running in the wrong direction.

Survival Mode

Since Valve got bored of whiney 13 years olds effortlessly slaughtering their way through armies of raging crackheads and niggers on Expert mode and making their best "Elite" teams look almost as as pathetic as you, they decided to introduce a new game mode, in the form of a free download. The aply named "Survivor" mode, pits the four survivors in various parts of the campaign levels (because Valve is too lazy to make any new maps) and forces them to, yup, survive, for as long as they can. Its worthy to note that there's no actual end to the infected, so you're gonna get raped, regardless of how much you kick and scream. To put it in perspective of how much rape there is in this mode, the longest anyone survived during testing was just over 8 minutes. Lulz were had when this record was broken over a thousand times within one day of it being released to the public.

Some things to note should you ever feel the need to have your asshole pounded by the tank on this mode:

There is an infinite amount of infected
More than one special infected can appear at a time
At the twenty minute mark, 10 tanks are spawned simultaneously. This is universally considered to be Valve's way of saying "Fuck you" to all the gamers that manage to beat their record.
There are fewer times better than to shoot a tank while everyone else is pounced by hunters.
There is a VERY high chance of 4 hunters spawning at the same time, and by that time, you're fucked.

Left 4 Dead 2

Note the niggers and hicks.

~~Same shit as the first one, just with more niggers.~~ A new game was announced recently. The new features included infected with missing arms, a special infected similar to the Tank except one arm is HUGE and the other is smaller than your dick, the Witch having the ability to wander around aimlessly during the day, different maps every single time you play, and 4 new characters, two of which are black. The game takes place in the South of the USA. The storyline is the same as the first game. Shoot the fuck out of everything and run to safety.

Much drama has ensued because this game has been announced. The first dramatic turn of events was the ESRB telling Valve that the cover having three fingers missing from the hand was unacceptable. The hand was the same one as on the previous cover, except the index and middle finger were bitten off with the thumb. The ESRB said those two should be tucked behind the hand, still giving the impression that they were missing and the thumb could stay. When asked why this was, the ESRB promptly responded with "Tits or GTFO".

Epic controversy, amirite?

The second drama to happen was with the fans. Hours after seeing the announcement for the sequel, they all had a heart-attack and sprinted to their laptops to post a petition against the release. Why? Because they don't want a new cast, new gameplay, new zombies, new anything. Even though they've wasted hundreds of hours playing the same shit, memorizing the layout, and finding all the glitches. They cannot possibly show off their mad skillz if a new game comes out. They bawwwed about the game until Valve finally gave in. No one knows what will happen now, but no one (besides basement dwellers) really cares.

Video Walkthroughs

Previous Video | Next Video

Tips and Tricks

Survivors

One of the main factors of this game mode is to be completely anti-social. Always keep away from teammates, at any time they can become infected and attack you, that said it would be best to just kill them at the start of the level or at least keep 25 feet away from them.

Don't actually worry too much about fighting zombies, it's much more important to simply to stay alive so make your way to the safe house ASAP. Your team will thank you for making it to the end and winning the game for them.

As mentioned above, your survival is very important; You must keep your health as to close to 100 as possible. Therefore, always search rooms for med kits and pills to use them before your teammates can.

If a teammate is lying on the floor incapacitated, this means they've been infected and are about to turn into a zombie. The best way to stop this is to help your team by utilizing molotovs. This is done by throwing it on your fallen comrade and watching as the flames cleanse your teammate's body of the virus. Your team will be glad you did this.

Because the witch only kills one player, it's best to run past her. While doing this, make sure to stir her up just a bit. She'll probably attack the next teammate that approaches. If the witch gets caught on a pebble or path finds your teammate by going the opposite direction and attempting to come back around the globe, you have only succeeded in the usual.

Shooting the car temporarily scares the zombies away from your location. By all means, when you come across the car, shoot it, You and your teammates will be glad you did.

There is no better time to pick up an incapacitated friend than when he is surrounded by 360 degrees of zombies punting his corpse about like a can on the sidewalk.

Any weapon you pick up slows you down, so only sticking with pistols is a generally better idea, since they have infinite ammo and kills every infected in 4 hits, even Tanks.

The Assault rifle is for pussies, Hunting rifle for faggots. Shotguns are the only weapons that are worth using.

As mentioned above, shooting the car keeps zombies away. But if you shoot a car that dosen't glow, ten hordes will immediately be summoned.

Safe rooms are everything but safe, Infected can spawn in there at the very second of the match start, so leave as soon as possible, even if you don't have a Medkit or weapons.

When you see a Witch crying, run up to her and keep walking in circles until the "Comfort" action appears onscreen.

Shooting Boomers at close range will not cover your team in vomit.

Be sure to chase down any boss infected you spot, even if this means running back to the beginning safe zone. The world can never return back to normal if they're still around.

The Infected

As infected, the game revolves around getting a score of as many points as possible. This means that the player should not be afraid to kill steal from smokers by either pouncing on their prey as hunter or clawing at them as any of the other classes.

Pouncing a victim as a hunter with no support will frighten the three survivors so badly that they will run off and leave you to tear your victim to pieces.

As a Tank, it's important to use punchable physics objects cleverly. This means that anything within 500 feet of you that has a red outline around it renders both your regular punch and your rock throw useless and your number one priority is to smash cars around until you've blocked yourself in an alleyway and gotten stuck and fucked up the physics and pretty much made an ass of yourself in general.

When playing as the Tank, NEVER EVER EVER use your Rock Throw, why you say? Picking that shit up takes ten minutes, and by the time you even start picking it up, you will have lost control, or the survivors have already killed you.

Votekicking the person who is about to become the Tank automatically makes you become it.

As a Tank, punch Hunters/Smokers who have already pinned someone, this kills the survivor instantly, and saves the Hunter/Smoker who could have been killed by another survivor anyway.

Hiding behind the Witch does not work, she will attack ANYONE who comes within 600 feet, even Infected, or common infected.

The Boomers vomit does not do any damage, so when you're a Boomer, kill yourself. You wouldn't have done any damage anyway.

Effective trolling methods

Insist you've become infected and tell your team to go on without you. Light yourself on fire and proceed to make zombie groaning noises into your headset.

Carry a gas tank into the safe room so it carries over to the next level with you. As soon as the game starts, drop the gas can, run out the safe room and shoot at it, then close the door on your team.

Run far ahead of your team and throw molotovs in their path at key points in the game, such as a staircase.

Joining games on Expert difficulty, followed by instantly killing your teammates is without a doubt, a awesome trolling method.

Shooting the gas station will incap ANY survivor within 20-40 feet, DO IT AS MOTHERFUCKING SOON AS POSSIBLE.

Wait for a tank to spawn, then immediately turn around and run back to the safe room. This is especially funny on Expert setting.

In Expert mode, shoot your teammate at close range with the auto-shotgun and pretend you were checking to see if friendly-fire was on. Better yet, in fact, tell them you were Spy-checking.

Refuse to heal, save, revive or respawn Louis just because he's a Nigger. Better still, shoot him down and leave him to die. Only give him pills, since it is general knowledge that niggers are addicted to drugs.

As one of the three male survivors, do nothing but follow Zoey around and stare at her ass. If she is uncooperative shoot her down and teabag all over her incapped body. Extra lulz: bind MWHEELUP "vocalize EatPills" add that to the console and scroll up as fast as you can while you're on top of her.

Run into the safe room before anybody else and shut the door. Every time a teammate opens the door to get in quickly shut it back, spamming the 'laugh' voice command the whole time.

Just before you are able to clamber aboard the rescue vehicle after surviving the finale, incapacitate everybody else, then throw a molotov at your feet or offer yourself to the zombies, effectively failing the mission. Works wonders especially in Expert mode.

Kicking another player for no reason could be a possible source of lulz. But it really depends on how far they have been in the game (Works best on Expert on the last mission)

Go AFK, simply wait out the game until they votekick you.

Remember, molotovs are the only cure to infection, always throw it at your teammates whenever you are safe from anything fucking infected that may come across you and disturb the cleaning prosses.

Pills are the most important thing in the game.

Not picking up weapons, or medkits before you leave the saferoom works too.

Shoot down Zoey because she's a whore, if you are Zoey, shot down Louis because he's a nigger. Make sure you shoot down anyone else who happends to mention their dead corpse, as they obviously know what happened. Silencing helps you in every way imagineable.

Play audio clips in a genuine attempt to be funny or humorous. Despite not actually trying to troll, this can prove to be ten times as affective than anything you could do consciously and will bring up the votekick dialog with your name on it faster than you can release the C button.

Go complete batshit and shoot EVERYTHING while screaming into the microphone as loud as possible.

~~As infected, block off every path possible~~ HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS

As a Tank, kill every special infected you see, DO NOT attempt to attack any of the survivors, instead simply follow them until they get bored of you, then proceed to punch the witch in the face when she spawns.

In Survival mode, make sure to pile up all the fuel tanks near Louis; shoot them and begin to chant "burn the Nigger" into your headset

Keep telling Lewis to fetch the rope, as a smoker keep telling that you are going to hang hs black ass.

Run ahead of everyone and activate the elevators and radios, these trigger a swarm and everyone gets fucked in the ass real quick if they are not ready for it.

Gallery

What Bill spends most of his time doing.	A L4D fanboy's wet dream	This too.	PEELZ HERE
GIMME THAT SHIT	HOW DOES I SAVE SUVIVOR?	lolwut	Replayability Value!
Nyoro~n	The best way to handle women in this game.	Fucking emos.	Now THIS is a fanboy's wet dream.