Legend of Zelda
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Legend of Zelda is a video game in which you play as a fag dressed in green. Level nine is revealed by blowing up that one rock with a bomb. Don't do it though, because it's now old meme.
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[edit] Evidence of Faggotry
Throughout the series, Link is surrounded by maidens, fairies, damsels in distress, female townsfolk, and some guy who really isn't a guy but looks like a guy even though he's really a girl. And yet not once at any time in the game does he show any attraction towards any of the aforementioned women, except for a slight grin given to a fat slutty bar owner with tits the size of Canada. The only reason why he's saving them in the first place is for the lulz, dammit. He's had over 9000 chances to have sex, but he did not. He has, however:
- hugged men
- been molested by men (or undead men, anyway)
And as thus he is gay. But really, Link is obviously a victim of rape. The zombies have his way with him again and again, and he's powerless against their advances. I almost feel sorry for the guy... NOT! ololol
[edit] Gameplay
Similar to Final Fantasy, every single Legend of Zelda game is the same but with better 8-bit graphics and shittier gameplay. Just as with every other game series that was invented at least 100 years ago, there are a legion of fanboys who love discussing the game (and what Zelda Link HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS Zelda would look like naked) while having a circle jerk. Link has to constantly save the world and rescue the same bitch over and over again. Zelda has the triforce of wisdom, but is too stupid to avoid Ganon on her own so she has to get an even more retarded character to help her.
[edit] CD:i games
Widely regarded as the greatest Zelda game ever created, whether it's the Russian voice actors, the fantastic graphics or the appearance of a mysterious bearded middle-easterner on a flying carpet; many consider this a high point in the history of video games. The actual plot features you trying to find the book of Corodai, if you're playing the Link version, or trying to make a sandwich, in the Zelda version. This game spawned the meme; Mah boi, for which it will never be forgiven. This game has been proven by top-notch scientists to "Just suck balls."
[edit] Ocarina of Time
Gay pixie boy Link finds an ocarina that allows him to fuck with time. The next 70 hours of the game are spent listening to an owl who uses the menu interface to trick you. Thought of by many as the first game in the franchise because they never heard of 2D. But srsly, a lot of people like this game. This must count for something, right? Either way, it needed more of the sexiest fish ever, Ruto.
[edit] Wind Wanker
A cel-shaded game in which gay pixie boy Link sails around a giant ocean with the King of Red Lions, a small Chinese boat named after the British tavern where Nintendo head honcho Shigeru Miyamoto got his first bit o' buttsecks. Despite being a relatively low-budget title, Wind Wanker has gained much notoriety due to the Triforce hunt at the end, which consists of rounding up all the small children in the land and bringing them to Tingle Island for candy. Wow, no wonder he was in jail. But in all honesty, the game is kinda ball-sucky.
[edit] Four Swords
The first Zelda to be handled by yaoi fanboy Eiji Aonuma and also the first multiplayer game in the series. Caused fangirls and gays (and both) to jerk off in their masses when it was revealed that, OMG, it was going to feature a sword that multiplies Link by four. No doubt to have a gang bang or something. Of course nobody knows whether this actually happens because nobody had enough Game Boys to play it. Yet another brilliant marketing ploy by Nintendo.
[edit] Twilight Princess
After a few years of fapping over what the next game would be (and several years of Nintendo doing it wrong), Twilight Princess was released for Wii Gamecube, and ported to the Wii because Nintendo is lazy. Taking place at least 100 years after Ocarina of Time, it ocarina is the bestest game ever made, and anyone who denies is obviously a nigger jew and prefers playing "good games" like Halo instead. One of the biggest controversies of the game is that Link is left-handed, and the right-handed wii remote caused shit to get waaaay fucked up.
The greatest troll ever, who we'll call "Fatty Mcfatterson", gave Twilight Princess an 8.8 at Gamespot, causing much Internets drama.
Don't be surprised when you see the fucking furries fapping over this game. EVEN FUCKING GANONDORF IS A FURRY!!!111!!!!
[edit] Phantom Hourglass
The fail levels of the game are so high that it barely deserves to be mentioned. Basically a rip off of Wind Waker with higher fail levels, shittier graphics, and a gay pedophile, Linebeck. Wait... Uncyclopedia used the Linebeck/Micheal Jackson joke. AW SHIT. Anyway;
To sum the game up, you run around looking for Tetra/Zelda because she forgot to stay in the kitchen and got herself raped like a stupid bitch.
[edit] Cosplay
Big, fat, hairy men will dress up as Zelda while their girlfriends dress up as Link and peg them.
[edit] Fanboys
- OMFG U MADE FUN OF LINK BY IMITATING HIM EXACTLY.
- FAT, FATTY, OBESE, ARMS, etc. - (video isn't there, GOD DAMN YOU JEWTUBE!)
[edit] Gannon-Banned
A minor GameFAQs meme originating from a guy taking Zelda way too seriously. He started a website detailing all of his "rules" for the Zelda fandom, and threatening anyone who transgressed with a GANNON-BAN. Note that the text at the top proclaiming it to be for the lulz is quite recent, and obviously a reaction to a severe case of butthurt. He also calls /b/ his army to invade Nintendo, which has an inherent flaw.
[edit] Gallery
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[edit] The Zelda Timeline is Serious Business
Since the Zelda games are intentionally made out of chronological order, many fans of the series like to discuss their timeline theories. When these people try to "win" a debate, most of them yell, cuss, and analyse every detail of their story to avoid continuity errors and plotholes with other games, as the developers did when writing the games' stories, in order to prove their theory is correct, and all others are wrong.
Zelda forum mods are usually biased. They usually let people who agree with their ideas get away with anything, and people who don't agree with the mods usually get warnings and bans for the stupidest shit. For example, let's say that Zelda Fag 1 and Zelda Fag 2 are debating about whether or not the game Ocarina of Time is the Imprisoning War mentioned in the backstory of A Link to the Past. Zelda Mod and Zelda Fag 1 don't believe it is, and Zelda Fag 2 does. ZF1 tells ZF2 to fuck off multiple times because he thinks that ZF2 is a retard. ZF2 politely says that ZF1 is not using common sense and jokingly makes fun of him. Since Zelda Mod agrees with ZF1, ZF2 gets a warning, and ZF1 gets away with all of the douchery he wants.
Regarding the issue of the timeline, series heads Shigeru Miyamoto and Eiji Aonuma have both said that they have documents describing the the timeline in detail, but they are top secret and can never be viewed by ANYONE, EVAR!!! In order to mess with Zelda timeline theorists, these expert trolls purposely put contradicting evidence in each game, then sit back and watch the heated debates.
There are so many Zelda timeline discussion forums that I cannot list them all here. Look on just about any Zelda fansite, and you will find a timeline section to troll.
Here are some examples of the theorists' faggotry:
| —Zelda Fanboy, making no sense |
| —Some British Chick, under the impression that the more she says "fuck," the better her defense of her theory is |
| —Dr. Awesome, who has a PhD in Zelda Timeline Theorizing |
Note the comparison of an important debate (the origin of the universe) with an unimportant one (the Zelda timeline).
It is also a little known fact that Zelda timeline fags are distant cousins to tourneyfags.
[edit] Zelda Timeline Speak
Zelda timeline fags have a language of their own. In order to troll properly, you must know the incorrect meaning of these phrases in order to get more lulz from trolling them.
Imprisoning War - The backstory of A Link to the Past. During this war, the King of Hyrule suspects that Ganondorf has possession of the Triforce, so the King sends his army to the Sacred Realm to kill him. Many creators of Ocarina of Time have said that Ocarina was intended to be the Imprisoning War, but instead of listening to them, many timeline fags like to ignore the quotes and debate about it anyway.
Split Timeline - Eiji Aonuma has said that due to time travel, Ocarina of Time has two endings, which results in the timeline "splitting" into two branches. Some games take place after what is called the "Child Ending", and other games take place after the "Adult Ending." Despite the fact that Aonuma has said on two occasions, once in 2002 and again in 2006, that there is a split timeline, many timeline fags like to ignore the quotes and debate about it anyway.
TLoZ, TAoL, ALttP, LA, OoT, MM, OoA, OoS, FS, TWW, FSA, TMC, TP, or PH - Acronyms used to refer to the titles of various Zelda games. Timeline fags think you are an idiot if you don't know what each abbreviation stands for.
Hero of Time and Hero of Winds - A few of the Hero titles of various Links throughout the series. Make up a title for Link that doesn't appear in a game, then swear that you've seen it in a game before. I'll bet you over $9000 that some timeline fag will search for your fake Hero title in a text dump of the game just to prove to you that it isn't in the game.
BS Zelda no Densetsu Kodai no Sekiban or The Legend of Zelda: Ancient Stone Tablets - Since Japan is bettar than the U.S., it got a super-exclusive Zelda game that was essentially A Link to the Past, but with all of the shit in different places. The story is that after A Link to the Past, Link decides that he can't find the perfect man in Hyrule and must leave. Instead of playing as Link, you play as a man or a woman, who must kill a revived Ganon. Some argue that that the game shows that the creator's intent was for Link to be away on his journey we see in Link's Awakening. Tell a timeline fag that the game isn't a part of the timeline, and they will debate with you about it for hours.
Multiple Links/Zeldas/Ganons/Etc. - Throughout the Zelda series, there are multiple Links. Each of them star in about 2-3 games before everyone gets bored of them and the creators move on. If you tell a timeline fag that there is only one Link in the entire series, they will get angry and flame you. Tell a timeline fag that each Link is the previous Link reincarnated, and they will debate with you about it for hours.
Homage - This word has a slightly different meaning among timeline fags. If a game has something in it which could potentially connect it to another game and ruining their theory, they will say that it is a "homage" to the other game. Here are some examples. (WARNING!!!: THE FOLLOWING EXAMPLES MAY CONTAIN SHIT NOBODY CARES ABOUT!!!)
- Despite the fact that many creators have said that Ocarina of Time was intended to be the Imprisoning War, since Ganon only gets the Triforce of Powar as opposed to the entire Triforce like in the Imprisoning War legend, as well as other huge differences, many timeline fags claim that Ocarina is just a "homage" to that war.
- Oracle of Ages and Oracle of Seasons fit the backstory of Link's Awakening, but since the creators care about the timeline a lot and would clearly put in more references to Link's Awakening if they truly intended for the Oracles to be it's prequel, and since A Link to the Past was already the prequel of Link's Awakening and things previously established cannot evar be changed, the Oracle games are just a "homage" to Link's Awakening.
- In The Minish Cap, Link gets his green hat for the first time, and the end of the game says that the game was Link's first adventure. Again, though, since the creators obviously care about the timeline a lot and would clearly put more thought into the information placed into the game if they really intended for The Minish Cap to be the first chronological game, and since Ocarina of Time has been the first chronological game forevar and can nevar not evar be first, the green hat and other information is just a "homage" to Link's green cap and the idea that there are multiple Links.
Retcon or Retroacitve Continuity - The type of retcons in question alter or subtract from what has already been established. According to timeline fag logic, the less the developers care about the timeline, the less they care enough to retcon. If you say, "Wouldn't it make more sense that the less the developers care about the timeline, the less likely they would be to respect what has already been established?" you are a retard who doesn't even know, and you should just GTFO of the discussion. Timeline fags do not believe in retcons, as the developers clearly take the Zelda canon as seriously as the Gospel.
[edit] How to troll Zelda timeline theorist/fanboys
- Call Link "Zelda."
- Ask them if Link is a faggot since he wears a skirt and is friends with a fairy.
- Tell them that you think World of Warcraft is better than Zelda because it is for more hardcore gamers.
- Say that there is no Zelda timeline, and every game is a retelling of the same legend.
- Say that you think Tingle is cool.
- Make up some random order of games and say that it is your timeline theory. When you get flamed, say that the creators don't care about the timeline, so your timeline could be correct.
- Say that the CD-i games, Soul Calibur II, Super Smash Bros. games, Zelda cartoons, and Game and Watch games are a part of the timeline.
- Tell them that there is only one Link and Zelda starring in all of the games.
- Say that Zelda II: The Adventure of Link is the best Zelda game.
- Say that Ocarina of Time is the worst Zelda game.
- Say that there is a fourth piece of the Triforce. Timeline fags will go apeshit.
- Argue with them about the plot points of a certain game, then tell them you have never played that game.
- Ask them who Shigeru Miyamoto and Eiji Aonuma are.
- Insist that the Zelda series is inspired by the 1985 Tom Cruise abortion of a movie Legend.
It is dangerous to troll alone. Take these tips and troll the links above for the lulz. Do it, faggot!!!
[edit] In Soviet Russia, fanboy trolls you!
On June 24, 2008, a link to this very page was posted on the Legends Alliance Forums by an ED user, who also pointed out that many of the fanboys that lurk on those forums were mentioned in the article. Later the same day, a new user known as AuraTwilight registered on ED, and attempted to erase the entire section about the Zelda timeline on this page. While the page was reverted to normal shortly afterwards, it's obvious that some timeline fags saw the article, were promptly butthurt, and took it upon themselves to delete fucking everything so the rest of the world wouldn't know what goes on during serious Zelda timeline discussions.
Here is a link to the timeline section of those forums:
http://forums.legendsalliance.com/index.php?showforum=17
Obviously, since they felt the need to remove some lulz from our fair site, it's only in the interest of great justice that we drop by their site and add some lulz of our own.
[edit] Jesus, Timeline Fags Make Videos Now?
Hey, so are you going to STFU and tell us your timeline soon?
Why make a video with text? You could have just posted all that crap somewhere!
Angry Nintendo Nerd has an opinion?!? NOW the Zelda timeline interest me!
[edit] Debate with a Zelda Timeline Fanboy
 The most important debate evar |
[edit] See also
[edit] Video Links
- It's a montage
- Intro to the best Zelda game ever.
- Ending to the best Zelda game ever.
- A high-quality commercial for the Zelda games.
- Tribute to the greatness of the Zelda games series, part 1.
- Part two to the above.
- The intro to one of the most successful high-quality Zelda games.
- The ending to one of the most successful high-quality Zelda games.
- Zelda game review.
- Commercial for the NES Zelda game "with EXCELLENT graphics!"
[edit] External Links
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Legend of Zelda is part of a series on Gaming. |
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