Life
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
No, we aren't talking about the Jew-made cereal. Life is a controversial first-person shooter developed and published by Xenu over 9,000 years ago. It is about a person, of whom is randomly created for you, who lives in a very strange world called Urth in the fictional country of America. People have claimed to live in places like aznworld or Tea City, but evidence suggests that these players are bots. This person, you, can go anywhere and do anything, but only has one life.
The difficulty level is defined at birth, determined by how many in-game points your character's creators had previously obtained. There are 300 ranks to level up to, but people only make it to 80 or so because they get pissed at the game or die. Note: if you begin the game with the Hindu class then you get unlimited respawns. Some enemies include douchebags, hippies, and furries. Some bosses are white people, teachers, and niggas.
Notable Ranks
Level 1 You will find this to be the shittiest level in the game, unless you work at Gamestop, because then your +500 douchebaggery would allow you to like it. You begin as a short, obese, bald man in a diaper who shits and pisses himself, vomits, and lets out horrifyingly disturbing cries at random times, especially in the night. You have no control over this, and it is commonly compared in annoyance to cliff racers.
Level 12 Here, you play as a retarded short person with a foolish and one-sided opinion who enjoys screaming over the mic in mini-games like Halo and Call of Duty 4.
Level 13 In this level, you tend to believe yourself superior to those lower in level than you because you are now in your teenage levels despite you sounding, looking, and acting as though you were at Level 10.
Level 16 From this point onward, every time you level up, you will be given a chance to kill everyone around you and then take your own life if you grew up in a small town. This will not pop up until the next level if you live in a city and have a bullshit job.
Level 21 At this point, you will be able to consume alcohol and cigarettes, so you will be either a bad person or a faggot.
Level 40 This is when you will begin molesting children. You will go to prison if you are caught by the disposable NPCs known as Po leese and will be raped violently by Bubba every day. If you leave prison alive, you will be rewarded with 700 internets.
Experience Points
Experience points are gained through the consumption of items. When the game begins, your experience points will be somewhere between 5 and 10. As the game progresses, you will gain more experience. An average player will have somewhere around 100 experience points at Level 13, but that same player will probably have almost 200 experience points at Level 21. However, experience points after Level 16 can differ dramatically depending on the player. Physical activities such as running will take experience points, but a massive amount of experience points will actually retard such activities.
A player with a dangerously low amount of experience points earns the status anorexic while a player with a dangerously high amount of experience points earns the title fat. Having one of these two statuses will also affect the player's appearance. An anorexic player will be much smaller and weaker than ordinary players. A fat player will be much larger than ordinary players, but no stronger. A fat player will also be physically incapable of some activities, depending on the amount of experience points he has. Fat players are also noticeable by their unusually soft bodies and their tenancy to jiggle and shake as they move. Fat players may also earn the title of obese if their experience points reach an extraordinarily high count.
Characters
You - You're a fucking dumbass.
azns - The smartest people on Urth, they are skilled with calculators and killing people shamelessly. They are either short with black hair and squinty eyes, or tall, extremely muscular, and have hair over 9,000 feet high that glows a strange color. The latter also have oceans rather than eyes. All azns generate 90% of all weird shit in the world.
Mexicans - Useless, smelly, retarded gibberish-speakers who try to get jobs in your country. Some try to be tough, but end up looking like dumbasses.
Black people - A hastily and poorly constructed NPC with limited AI capability. Hated by all crackers. They are useless to society, and steal all your man points and white women because they have massive cocks. They also steal HP renewing items such as watermelons, kool-aid, and fried chikkenz. Killing all of them will result in you winning the game, a feat never achieved because everyone who plays has lost.
Europeans - White people who use Moonspeak and think they're from another continent. They're not, they're just insane.
Internet pplz - Random NPC's on this thing called the Series of Tubes who use the aforementioned thing to level up in social life, but fail belligerently because they don't know it gives you -100 Social every time you post.
Notable Players
President Barack Hussein Obama - The current admin of Life.
Bruce Jeffry Pardo - He beat the game.
Heath Ledger - He lost the game.
Brandon Crisp - He lost the game at Level 15 shortly after losing his prized +360 Xbox item.
Codey Porter - He lost the game at Level 10.
Manuel Uribe - Broke the record of highest experience points count at 1200 exp.
You - Your character, currently holding the lowest score.
God - He created the game, and every so often uses his cheat codes on us.
Success
Few people who have played the game have actually beat it. They have achieved so by using the ability gifted to you at Level 16 to kill everyone around you, and then yourself. Once you do so, you are given the rank Hero and advance to heaven, where you meet Xenu and Jesus eating some fried Furry. Most people don't choose to do this, though, because they're either fucking retarded or pussies. To beat the game you must complete this prime objective.
If you don't achieve this, then the winner is announced by the next time the server resets. According to the Mayans, this next server reset is due to happen in 2012
See Also
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Life is part of a series on MMORPGs. |
