Lily Allen
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Lily Allen is an ugly English chavette who makes shit music. There you go - some context. Although she talks and 'sings' in Mockney, (a fake Cockney accent the posh adopt to be down with the kids) and cultivates the image of a badly-dressed, chavette spunkbucket, she was born into wealth and was educated in some of England's most expensive private schools because she has a rich father. Like every band on the charts these days, she became popular through MySpace after getting dropped by the major label she was signed to.
Apparently, the days of gigging in sweaty Irish pubs for 20 years straight and then being vaguely recognised in the street are now over; all you have to do nowadays is upload some songs onto your Myspace page and your on the road to international stardom. The only criteria you need is being a complete and utter fucktard.
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[edit] About Her
Thanks to the 'quirkiness' of songs such as "Smile", "LDN" and "I'm a Lesbo Slag" her album Alright, Still shot straight to Number One. The era of the online artist is now secured thanks to her. Now dipshits such as Sandi Thom and Gnarls Barkley can stomp all over the charts on downloads and band fansites alone.
Basically, she's Mike Skinner (from The Streets) without a penis and without pretending to be black. Horny 13 year old boys queue up in the hundreds to buy her singles even though they've already snatched them from Oink. Goth cunts and Emos buy her records so they can say they have an open taste in music, though inside a part of them has just died. Lily Allen is also known for being a cocky little bitch and insulting Amy Winehouse and her other peers like there was no tomorrow. She is known to perform in maternity dresses. WTF?
Many people enjoy comparing her to the Arctic Monkeys because they both speak a retarded form of English and make shitty music.
[edit] Permaban
Last Thursday Lily pwned a photographer, which is apparently frowned upon by others. As a result, the US has permabanned her for unfunny IRL trolling.
[edit] Pregnancy
Some months back now, a man 15 years older than her who was a member of some shit band inserted his penis into her and she got pregnant. Fortunately, she had a miscarriage and they split up.
[edit] Lily Allen's Cry For Help
Perez Hilton got in on this one first, because he loevs her for some strange fucking reason.
fat, ugly and shitter than winehouse
[edit] Lily Allen and Friends
Her TV show, Lily Allen and Friends, which is on the BBC, is a cancer bringing newfags to the internets. She brought Tay Zonday onto her show, and the kids lapped it up with great verocity. This is because we all know that BBC Three is mainly watched by 16-year-old girls and 13-year-old boys alike, and as such should be avoided like the plague.
The BBC also got fucked over when at least 100 complaints were made about videos of British chav schoolkids pulling down male school teachers' trousers down to expose their bottoms (god damn, isn't British English gay?) being broadcast on Lily Allen and Friends. They even invented a new name for these YouTube videos - 'kegging'.
[edit] A Dirty Whore Indeed
Lily Allen is a dirty fucking bint. What kind of female celebrity would go around with the risk of having their bare vulva or nipples photographed? True, she doesn't have much in the way of tits, but showing her cunt like that in a see-through dress is inexcusable and will guarantee her a front page in the Sunday Sport in the United Kingdom.
Clearly she must love the attention.
[edit] External Links
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Lily Allen is part of a series on Whores. |
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Lily Allen is part of a series on Music. |
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Categories: Music | People | Myspace | TV Shows
