John Locke
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| FACT ALERT:
John Locke will fuck up your shit. |
John Locke is a character from the unpopular television drama Lost. In the show, this lovable skinhead often fucks everything up for the castaways/fucktards. Why? Because he's Locke. If you get in his way, he's going to fuck up your shit. He is so fucking awesome, he's named after a philosopher from the Age of Enlightenment who influenced the Founding Fathers.
Locke eventually found his way onto 4chan and continues to fuck up everyone's shit. It's all part of the lulziest meme to show up on /b/ for a long time.
History
Locke was once an orphan born from a teenmommy, basement dweller, and cripple. During the attention whore emo CP lover phase of his life, he donated a kidney to his dying dad, who kicked him to the curb before the doctors were done stitching him up. Pissed off, Locke started fucking shit up. He forced an airplane crash with nothing more than the power of his mind. His crippled legs? He fucked them up so badly that he could walk again. Every season finale of Lost asks the questions "Who will Locke kill next?" He most recently managed to kill himself, what a fucking badass an hero, then became a zombie, proving he is Jesus Ben did actually successfully kill Locke and the "new" Locke is actually someone else in John Locke's form. It is, however, inevitable that Locke will return to fucking up everyone's shit.
On the 4th of November, Locke became the president of the internets. This day will be remembered.
Bridge collapse? Miner cave-ins? ED:IRC? Locke fucked up their shit.
Locke will fuck up your shit. This cannot be avoided.
John Locke killed Bruce Lee and framed Hitler for suicide brain hemorrhage.
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In Conclusion
This cannot be avoided.
See Also:
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