Love
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
How babby is formed. Also, the most widely used rationalisation for sex and/or drama.
Contents |
[edit] Ahhh, Love
Love used to be a special feeling between a man and one or more women. Unfortunately, society has watered down this tradition and it can now refer to relations between a peeping tom and two women, couplings with teenage girls, or a whole grouping of people all at one explosive moment. This infiltration by liberals into a once sacred realm means that every Tom, Dick and Harry can use the word as a justification for their desire to rape someone more stupid than they are. Love has now been rendered little more than a way for bank managers to make hapless fools over-drawn.
[edit] Love on teh Internets
As the Internet brought millions of people together from all around the world, it was only natural that it should be used for porn. After a while, various dating websites were created to allow fat, hideous basement dwellers to alleviate the icky and frankly disgusting urges that this porn fostered deep within the cheetoh clogged recesses of their worthless souls. And so love on the Internet was born - if by "love," you mean copying out Penthouse letters into an email and sending it to someone you've never met and probably doesn't exist, before abandoning your spouse, children and family to travel across a continent because you want to try anal sex before you die and are too embarrassed to ask your partner of seven years, then yes, love on the fucking Internet. I fucking hate you people.
Below are listed various dating websites for those of you who feel like breaking every promise you've ever made in your contemptible and pathetically meaningless self-negating existences.
[edit] OKCupid
For main article, see the page OKCupid Large, popular dating website, based on a series of questionnaires designed to find close personality matches. Whatever. Cheaper than most hookers, this site is responsible for destroying two of my relationships, because apparently constant attention, companionship, loyalty, financial security and fidelity are trumped by back-alley abortions, stuffed toys and low-res web-cam pictures of crooked circumcised penises.
[edit] Habbo Hotel
Habbo Hotel is one of the most popular dating sites ever. It came about in August of 2003 when Al Gore announced he had helped create the Internet's first most awesome dating site. It features personality matching, virtual money, a pool, and even the ability to create a mini-you composed of a nigra in a black suit with an afro. You get get married at the virtual chapels, and have virtual anal sex with another virtual person or with your virtual self. Words like pussy and cock might be filtered, but that doesn't mean you can't switch the letters around like a fucking idiot!
[edit] Pounced
If you're so sexually fucked up that pretending to not be human is the only way you can blow your insipid load of sickly, spastically twitching, under-performing protein strings onto the face of underage same-sex victims, then Pounced.org provides an excellent service. By keeping you and your faggot furry friends away from other dating websites. If you encounter a furry on a mundane dating site, tell them to fuck off. If you are feeling nice, send them this url to them as well. Be sure to note that a "mate" is furry jargon for BDSM slave.
[edit] The steps of love on teh internets
- Go to MySpace or a chat site or forum. Look for someone who posts a picture and reason whether or not this total hottie is up to your terrible thirteen year old standards!
- Start talking.
- Get interested in someone's life no matter how well you do or don't know this person. It's okay. They are living and real and are actually talking to you! Believe everything they say, whether or not it conflicts with past things they have said.
- Start waiting for that person to message you back at uncommon hours of the day or night. You need to know what is happening to this person and what is going on with them! Cause you know them!
- Take the initiative. Ask this person out. It's okay. There is no way this person has lied to you. At all! This person is 100% the real thing! This person makes you feel alive with every internet kiss and touch and comment! This person actually gives a fuck about you! (So much that they may tell you they dumped their REAL LIFE boyfriend/girlfriend! You know! That person that they could kiss and hug in real life!)
- Ignore a friend's advice that this person could be a fake and could just be a pedophile or someone looking to mess with you.
- A. Cry or sob when this person stops messaging you or dumps you. Cause, you know, it's a real relationship and all. Get depressed and start being suicidal and emotional over someone you never knew. B. Arrange a meeting. It doesn't matter. They'll come to you or you'll meet halfway. At least you're meeting! The only plus side to this is that you get to meet your love face to face and see their hot eyeliner!
- A. Kill self. B. Get raped by a 250 pound rapist who lives with his mother.
- ????
- PROFIT!!111111111111!!!!!
ALTERNATE ENDING. On the off-chance this person is real and has been telling you the truth about everything and is actually suffering from the things he/she has told you, then congrats! You have met a person that will still dump you because you failed to have a good relationship. You know, the whole getting to know a person in real life and knowing their personality and how they react to certain situations in everyday life. Failed to know what annoys and set this person off and what makes them happy. If this happens, you will most likely complete steps 7-A and 8-A.
[edit] 10 Things You Should Know About Love
Courtesy of about.com: (Minor typographical errors have been corrected)
- Love hurts. Physical and/or emotional abuse are very often a part of love.
- Love is manipulative, it should be used to get others to do what you want. You should avoid giving in to demands based on the, "You would do it if you loved me!" tactic. Instead you should make the other person feel terrible for trying it on you and then attack to turn it in your favor.
- Love is an intense feeling for another person. It can take many different forms (hateful, greedy, lusty) but it is always about you.
- Although it is true that a big part of love is trying to get what you want, you should also try to keep the person caring for you. That way, you get more out of the deal.
- If somebody asks you to do something that you don't want to do in order to "prove" your love, they are trying to show you how much they care. Caring is an emotion that can lead to attachment. This is a dangerous situation. When you love another person and you don't ask them to sacrifice a part of themselves you should try it out.
- It is very easy to confuse love for lust. This is ok, since everyone knows its all about the sex and swag right?
- It is impossible to feel romantic love for more than one person at a given time. Thinking you can is heresy and will soon turn you into a god hating outcast. Just think, if you think you love more than one person you need to correct the situation. Make sure to beat yourself up emotionally if you find yourself in this unhappy situation.
- Sex is love. Love is sex. Sex is an important cornerstone to love. That means it's mandatory.
- Romantic love can (and often does) fade. When it goes there is always a reason. This can be a sign of when to get someone new. When somebody falls out of love with you it reflects upon your value as a person and your desirability. To keep this from happening, make sure you're the one who leaves first.
- Love should make you feel popular, gifted (as in you get gifts) and like scum.
[edit] Internet relationships
Now you've found that special nobody online, it's time for the 'relationship' lie you're going to tell yourself and your so-called friends. Internet relationships involve people who have no friends 'dating' people who have no friends in Indonesia or Latvia or some other crappy country. With internet relationships you get all the good stuff about dating left out (sex, making out, sex, hitting your girlfriend if she gives you any lip, sex (women are objects)) and left with only the talking. And masturbation. Lots and lots of masturbation.
Because you have no life, sexual prowess or attractivity you end up with:
- an anime-obsessed wiremouth who masturbates to you daily
- a 250 pound rapist who lives with his mother
- another loser, but 20 years older
- a 13-year-old boy
- a 16-year-old girl; most likely a fatty
- SteveUberAlles
- my ex-wife, you fucking cunt
- a totally fucked up World of Warcraft junkie who's eating out of heated trashcans and who will never give enough attention to you
- a heavy alcoholic who's been trying to get sober for years but always failed
- yourself (which means a pretty worthless nobody) just of the other sex
- Chris Hansen.
[edit] Gallery
 Love on /b/ |
 Love is gay |
[edit] See Also
Categories: Sex | Memes
