Loser

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

The first loser in the history of the world, caught in her act of lose

Totals may exceed 100% as many losers hit the GRAND SLAM.

Don't be like this guy.

Losers don't win. This is why they were dubbed losers at the beginning of time. Losers are composed primarily of lose and fail with a dash of gay for flavoring. Losers are luser's IRL counterpart. Generally when someone loses they try to make it look like they didn't lose. This is usually done in the form of denying it entirely, changing what they said, playing dumb, etc. Losers were originally put on earth by god to test the cool people but they grew beyond his control. After the Tower of Babble he put them into separate folders for easier management. The main definition of a loser would be to good for the person who wrote this trash, they truly reek of some serious fail.

[edit] The origin and history of losing

Losing began at least 100 years ago when Eve plucked the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil from the tree of the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil. This was the most monumental act of lose of all time. In her defense, however, God did put it in the middle of the garden. The next act of lose was committed in Sodom & Gomorrah where everyone was so gay that they tried to molest one of gods angels. This infuriated god so much that he burned all the residences of these two cities, except Lot, alive. Skipping ahead a couple years lets look at Abraham Lincoln. A man made of so much lose that he thought niggers feelings were more important than money. John W. Booth put this fallacy as right as could be, by popping a cap in Lincoln's ass. Doing this put Booth amongst the WinRars.

[edit] How to avoid an loser

This is a little harder than the OL version of these pricks. Losers IRL tend to be dressed in a manner outside the stipulation of known cliques. Their favorite way of doing this is mixing the wardrobes in ways that offend the eyes. Like a handle, however, if a not-loser dressed or buys the cloth for the loser then it will be harder to spot them. Just hang around them for a while, around, mind you. Don't get too close. A loser tends to make its presence known within seconds of being around another human. Once the loser has revealed himself, throw the bucket of coral, razors and salt, which you should have on you at all times, at his head. This is the losers' natural deterrent and should dispense of him post-haste.

[edit] How to become an not-loser

The average social acceptance of all losers

First and foremost... don't lose. Next you must realize that you're a loser and seek reform. The best way to do this is to find someone who you used to think was a loser, the odds are they are a not-loser, and ask them how to change. A loser can also become subject to puberty, the age at which puberty hits may dramatically vary, which will lower there loser levels a little by default. Given ones self realization of ones own loserdom, one can put ones self on the path to becoming an not-loser. However, it is much easier and much more entertaining for everyone else involved if you become an hero, unless of course you manage lose at that too. Never mind that's entertaining as well.

[edit] How to tell if you're an loser

• YOU ARE KEITH.
• You are... un perdedor.
• If you lose.
• If you vomit when you look at yourself in the mirror.
• If you are a loser OL.
• If you eat cheese competitively.
• If you enjoy this picture. (Who ever wrote this must consider themselves a loser, because they found this picture)
• If you get called a loser by a not-loser.
• If you're a nigger. (What an asshole)
• If you're an Asian.
• If you're White.
• If you're Australian.
• If you visit Germany with the intentions of becoming a Pimp.
• If you're a furry... or if you yiff.
• If you're a telemarketer.
• If you're a nerd.
• If you notice no-one will be your friend no matter how much effort you put into it
• If you're a pedo.
• If you're a metalhead.(Fucking idiot)
• If you're an otherkin.
• If you've ever visited this site.
• If you have a page on Xpeeps.
• If you are a Trojan
• If you're a 16 year old girl(I bet there are tons of 16 year old girls who have more of a life than this moron)
• If you did it (your life) for the anti-lulz, which, ironically, causes much lulz
• If you're on Social Security.
• If you're a retard.
• If your name is jasper.(Can this fuck not find the shift key?)
• If your reading this. you wrote this.

[edit] Loser Sightings

Loser Tool.	Hasn't seen his willy in over three years but makes up for it a bit by looking like a testicle.	This guy.	Just a loser.
Another loser. Proof: T-Shirt, Metallica poster and guitar hero.