Lost
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
EPIC MINDFUCK
EPIC MINDFUCK
EPIC MINDFUCK
EPIC MINDFUCK
EPIC MINDFUCK
EPIC MINDFUCK
EPIC MINDFUCK
LOST is an award-winning show about a bunch of whiny fucktards stuck on an island in the internets written by several Star Wars fanbois. The only lulzworthy character in this show is John Locke. Mainly, it's Gilligan's Island with moar drama, moar fucktards and no funny. The show should be renamed The John Locke Hour because the only reason people watch the show is to see him fuck up shit for the Lulz.
It's a huge success online, due to the fact that the main characters include a fat underachiever, a genuine fruit loop, and a a cunt who thinks that he's always right. The fact that the writers introduce a retarded twist in every episode is viewed as a redeeming quality amongst fans of low-quality drama.
The show has a huge following among basement dwellers.
Due to the fact that many gay and/or retarded people who spend way too much time on the internets identify with the show, it has become an old meme in record time. One of its unifying themes centers around crying.
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The Episodes, The Dramaz
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The Characters
- Jack: Whiny bitch and possible skinhead. Although he is a surgeon, he has so far botched every operation. He married the only survivor of his medical skillz, who in turn cheated on him because he doesn't have a penis. On the island, he has continued his tradition of crying about not being able to "save everyone". We know, Jack, we know. John Locke pwns Jack in every possible way. Only faggots and some girls think Jack is the main character instead of Locke. Has a sister asking for some incest on the island (you know what to do, Jack).
- Kate: A wanted criminal and an emotional bitch with beaver teeth who can't make up her mind. Later in the series she gets in Sawyer's panties. Main purpose on the show is to cause angst and get kidnapped by Others, but now agrees that Jack is as crazy as John Locke for thinking it's his destiny to destroy the island. Otherwise, Kate is there to stand around and yell at Jack for doing it wrong and fucking her favorite boytoys.
- Sawyer: Redneck. Enjoys eating polar bear food and has a porn collection somewhere. Actual name is James. He picked the name Sawyer because that was the name of the man who molested and killed his mommy and daddy. Makes up nicknames for people on the island and troll people's inherent character flaws for the lulz. Like Jack, he refuses to grow a full beard. Jumped out of a rescue helicopter because there was too much extra weight on it, rather than throw that fat turd Hurley out like a real man. Ends up fucking Juliet,Kate and Ana Lucia AKA every girl Jack wants to fuck. High-fives all around.
- Locke: Bad ass skinhead box worker who likes going chicken hunting and he will fuck your shit up! Only purpose on the show is to cause lulz by killing a main character every three episodes. Tried to kill himself because he saw his pathetic life had no meaning, but later changed his mind and Ben finished the job. Dead but
willreturn(ed)RRRESPAWN! after fucking up enough shit in hell. Allowed Satan to take over his body so they could wreck shit as one entity. Or, more likely, he was Satan all along.
- Hurley: Fat Mexican also known as Hugo, who won the lottery after working in an empanadas store. He then proceeded to burn his house down and break his mother's leg. Then he turned himself in to a mental institution. Since then he has moved on to more productive things, like sneaking around eating tubs of ranch dressing and crying about being fat. Holds a guitar case, not yet revealed, but it's obviously full of fat fuck food.
- Michael: Nigra. Known for stealing watches and watermelon. Also
yells forabandoning his son in typical black fashion. Left the island after his stash of KFC was blown up by Locke. Only line in the whole series was "MAH BOI!!!", repeated over 9000 times an episode.Recently returned to the island, believably, as a janitor.dead lol
- Walt: Is actually Walt Disney, but came back as a nigger, and does creepy shit like kill Shannon, which is a good thing. John Locke stalks him so he can be the world's craziest wheelchair pedophile. Basically has nothing else to do but tell his father to gtfo because he told Walt he killed two women as the actors were due to be killed off because they got raped.
- Mr Eko: An African heroin-transporting priest who encourages Charlie to build a
churchKFC on the island. One of the few characters that was actually cool, but inevitably killed simply because he's a nigra. He's killed by a random, black smog monster (possibly out ofsomeone'sLocke's ass).
- Jin and Sun: Azns. Jin was a hitman for Mr. Roboto, aka Suns father. Meanwhile, Sun was banging a penis headed businessman who throws himself out a window after having sex with Sun because he doesn't want to be a father. MAJOR OMG TWIST UPDATE: Jin is now alive even though he trusted a nigger to defuse a bomb rather than set it off, and saved himself from becoming another racist death, which would have added more lulz.
- Boone: Locke's bitch. Tries too hard to become a main character on the show and gets himself killed while trying to steal a stash of heroine from a crashed airplane. Actually fucked his sister Before crashing on the island and was a gay porn star specializing in German scheisse (scat) videos on the interwebs.
- Charlie: Pronounced "Chah-ley". Heroine addict, brainwashed Mr. Eko follower, and bassist in the fictional band Driveshaft. All he ever does is redeem himself and try to drown Claire's BAAAEE-BEEEEE!!!!. Fucks Jack's sister Clair. While completely stoned, he hears that Frodo Baggins is in a secret underwater base and goes down to save him. Drowns in the process after realizing it's too late and that Hobbits. can't swim.
- Claire: Mocked constantly for having a ridiculously nasely voice, always whining about CHAAAARHHHLLIEEEE!!!! and bitching about her BAAAEE-BEEEEE!!!!, Aaron, aka Turnip Head. She is in fact the only Australian on a flight originating from Australia. She's dead or a ghost or some shit like that, as she enjoys her former emo life in the dark rape cabin with her father.
- Sayid: Iraqi with 1337 skillz. Torturer. Breaks necks with his feet for the lulz. Always finding new things to triangulate. Every woman he falls in love with ends up murdered. Did Benjamin's bidding and killed many people because he's too retarded to realize he's a tool.
- Juliet: Former porn star and fertility doctor who's known for killing women and their babies on the island. Likes to read books and share her opinions on them with other people in her bookclub. Once had lesbian sex with Angelina Jolie. On the island, hooks up with Sawyer, which is unfortunate for everybody who isn't Sawyer. Ends up pwning the population of the pregnant woman at the end of the Dharmaville season, and no one knows if she will become an hero until next season. Despite numerous letters from fans, the writers haven't made her flash her tits yet.
- Benjamin Linus: Wheelchair cubbyhole-hidin' bitch-ass baton-wielding motherfucka that plays head games and lies about everything because he is too creepy and annoying to have friends. Rumored to have genetically inherited eyes from an insect. Had a crush on Juliet and was rejected for being too damn ugly and a creeper. He killed her love interest on the island because he's a jealous, manipulative bastard. Also, had his own daughter killed by accident because he's a manipulative bastard who's willing to gamble the lives of even those he gives a shit about. Father of Hannibal Lecter. Gassed his dad and threw Locke in a mass grave after he shot him. Now he is John Locke's pet bunny, geddit?
- Alex: Danielle's long lost hot 16 year old daughter that was kidnapped by The Others, possibly so Ben can make a vest out of her flesh because he's
crazytotally normal. The first character in TV history to actually get shot in one of those scenes where somebody is pointing a gun at them and threatening somebody else that they'll "totally do it"; Keamy actually did it. What a badass.
- Desmond: Was shipwrecked on the island and spent three years in a hatch pushing a button and fapping with Dharma ranch dressing. Inevitably doomed everyone and made the flight Oceanic crash when he failed to do his job. Calls everyone "brotha", supposedly because he was a monk for like three days. Probably a closet racist. Was once a member of the Royal Scots Regiment. Had visions of Charlie dying, and knows where lightning is going to strike. Predicted 9/11 and 2012. Has epic seizures where he goes back in time and Daniel Faraday tries to get him to save everyone. The only character to get a happy ending (the actors reward for molesting cast members).
- Ana Lucia: A dyke bitch with a bad attitude who likes to abuse her power. Put on the island after failing at being a cop and actress. Realizing she also starred in a crappy Resident Evil movie, Michael decided to shoot her. Fortunately, she died after being pounded by Sawyer in the jungle.
- Libby: Psychiatrist. Stopped Hurley from sinking the island by throwing himself off a cliff. Fell in love with him to make him feel better about his ranch sauce addiction and his inferiority complex. Purposely got herself killed to avoid commitment. Because she's dead Hurley will die alone. The producers/writers say that she'll never be seen again, as they continue to make up shit as they go along.
- Shannon: Incestuous cum slut and sister of Boone. Was glad when he died because he was constantly in her grill about shit. Fell in love with Sayid and made plans with him to build a sand fort together in Iraq. Was shot by Ana Lucia because she didn't know how to STFU while walking in the jungle.
- Bernard and Rose: Old, fat white guy and his bootylicious black wife. According to the writers, they were forced to edit out many potentially sexy love scenes. Possibly removed because, on a timetravelling island with smoke monsters and polar bears, it would be too much of a stretch to think that Bernard can still get it up.
- Crazy French Lady: Old crackwhore. Runs around being dirty and savage. Excels in staring at the camera crazily. Steals from Sawyer's porn collection and Charlie's pot stash, then blames "The Others" for doing it. Wife of Tarzan. Recently pwned by a bullet through her tit. Returns in Dharmaville time to tell the story of how she pwned her team because there was no anti-crazy antidote.
- Daniel Faraday: Neckbeard batshit scientist. Probably has Assburger's Syndrome. He feels the need to wear a tie on an island in the middle of fucking nowhere, as an example of pure nerdiness. Probably got beat up and had his lunch money stolen often as a kid. Recently got pwned by his mommy in the past because he was always mumbling and being an all-around annoying aspie.
- Miles: Azn disciple of Kenneth Eng and Cho Seung-Hui fanboi. Also a ghostbuster. He finds them with his weird-ass vacuum thing. Don't ask. Locke made him eat a grenade because he hates mud races. Obvious necrophiliac. Son of Dr. Candle/Wickman/Wackface/Chinkman or some shit like that
Who said you could eat those peanuts?
Thats no Miles.
- Charlotte: Ginger cunt from the UK. Got a nosebleed from eating chocolate and died, and was raped by Daniel as a child in a deleted scene, as she was asking for it.
- Monster: Giant nigga cloud. Does nothing but kill people who are about to reveal answers. (A clever ploy by the writers so they can continue making up shit as they go along.
- Richard: The main character of the show. Wears makeup because he's secure in his masculinity. Stays the same age so he can bone young chicks forever. Sadly, he has boned no chicks yet.
- Jacob: King of the island, his true face was revealed in the finale of season 5. And is a stalker and a pedophile. Also the reason behind most of Benjamin's angst, because he never seems interested in him or his ego.
- Arzt: Highscool teacher who loves spiders, appeared in one episode where he BAWWWW'd about being a background character and wanted to do more. Then proceeded to get his ass blown to shit, proving that its safer to be a nobody. Except for that one time they killed all of them.
- Tom Friendly: Colossal faggot redneck and probable bear. Wanted to prison rape Sawyer, so Sawyer eventually shot him, as everyone thought he was the real Sawyer.
- Jim Robinson from Neighbours: In a fail attempt to hide from worldwide typecasting by starring in all known americunt tv shows and movies. Winner of the 1993 Nobel Prize and Shatner award for most over the top acting [[1]], and at least 100% likely to die of an epic lulz heart attack at any moment.
- The Russian: Has an insane healing ability. Combined grenade with Charlie to produce lulz. Stabbed his own eye to prove that he's one of the cool kids.
- Frogurt: Sold frozen yogurt off the island, but denied this fact to Hurley to avoid the inevitable consequences. Got pwned by a flaming arrow. Also wore a red shirt before getting pwned to death (Star Trek ripoff, anyone?).
- Steve/Scott: Gay lovers who tried to reenact The Parent Trap on the island every episode.
- Vincent: A cute puppy dog. Jacob, God, or the Cloverfield monster hiding in a dog's body. Has magic powers to lick its own balls and never get hungry. Always disappears and then conveniently reappears to boost moral when everybody wants to kill themselves.
- Penny: Hot piece of ass who was almost replaced by a cardboard cutout because all of her scenes feature her staring wide-eyed at Desmond while being completely unimportant to the plot (she was trying to find the island, but Charles Widmore beat her too it without even trying very hard). Ben wants to kill her, probably because Juliet rejected him and he can't get a piece of ass of his own. Survives, sadly, to see if Desmond can predict when she'll die already.
- Matthew Abaddon:
Pedophile nigger. Very intriguing character with lots of important back story, so they'll probably never mention him again.Dead.
- Christian
SheppardShephard: Has a more religiously symbolic name than Jesus Christ. Off the island, he lets his bitch-ass son Jack push him around because he got caught drinking while performing surgery (who doesn't?). On the island, has fun by making Jack chase him off a cliff. Places bets with Jacob about whether or not he can convince Locke to do dumb shit like "move the island" and jump into a well.
- The Swan Hatch: Made by Dharma to turn the characters into basement dwellers.
- Eloise Hawking: Old hag who tells Desmond to gtfo to the island or earth is pwned by 2012. Is the mother of Daniel Faraday, and will always love him. Had old people sex with Widmore. Due to go the same way as Widmore when they both get Aids together for the lulz and die. Forced the rescued survivors to go back to the island (but that's what dumb ass Jack doesn't think, thanks for the tip, Sayid.
- The Orchid: Prematurely ejaculates the sky white making John_Locke and Mr. Bug Eye get off the island, as it took 4 or 5 seasons to find out this out.
Gallery of Lost Gheys
 "Mmmmmmmm! Baby!!! You gonna get |
 Russian guy always ensures lulz.. |
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 OMGS! Season 4 Twist! |
 It's true. |
 Helpz me plz. |
 Sawyer and Jack fighting over Kate |
 OH EXPLOITABLE!!!1 |
 John has a funny way of flirting. |
 Oh exploitable 2 |
How not to get killed on Lost, at least until the 6th season when everyone will die regardless
Gay Fandom Stuff
- Triangle: Jack, Kate, and Sawyer, the hot threeway action Lost fans wish they had.
- Jate: Jack+Kate shipping. Has a knack for disregarding reality. Kate already fucked Sawyer, so this pairing fails.
- Skate: Same, but filled with filthy furries. (Hence Josh Holloway's "razor-free" stubble.)
- Julawyer: Sawyer+Juliet shipping. Canon now that the two have had sex.
- PBJ: Claire and Charlie. Most fanfiction includes crossover mpreg storylines. Total gay.
- Cocke: Claire and Locke, e.g a fifty year old man and a pregnant teenager. One of the sickest.
- Sayid: Towelhead+Pro-ana. Shannon died, but deranged fanfic authors tend to do "Ghost Sayid" stories before their mom catches them in the basement.
- Shoone: The most fucked up of the bunch, this features legal incest. Unfortunately it's canon since Boone actually screwed his sister in one episode.
- Rescued: The charcters actually do end up getting rescued sometime. But when they return they're hit with huge tax bills and decided to go back to the island to escape the bills.
Lostpedia
| —Typical Lostpedia User, A theory on why the polar bears attacked Sawyer in the first episode. |
COS claims Lost Island run by Anonymous
Proof at last! (Not shopped)
Lost IMDb Board
A truly bizarre place that rivals 4chan in its ability to create memes. No matter what you post there, the bulk of the responses you receive will be either a out-of-context quote from the show or some other non-sequitur of a meme. During the Off-Season, everything worsens, as Off-Topic threads become a way of life. In other words, this board is epic beyond belief.
