Lowtax
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka is the humorless editor, son of a thousand whores, and (former) crackpot dictator/cult leader of Something Awful. He is also a foot fetishist. With the help of his goon henchmen (and FYAD fucks), he suppresses lulz across the internet by making jokes that fail and involving himself with bestiality.
Lowtax is currently living in some bumfuck town in Missouri with his mail-order pig-cunt Azn bride, whom he married after knocking her up and failing at Falcon-Punch. Pictures of his mongrel swine child surfaced during the recent TheMystic drama.
Lowtax has claimed responsibility for the following:
Lowtax is an avowed enemy of the following:
- Maddox
- Buttes
- Freedom
- Metalheads
- Pedophiles
- Uwe Boll
- Furries (despite the fact that Lowtax himself is obsessed with pigs and even has a closet furry working with the site)
- Scientologists
- ebaum, who he punched in the face before banging his mum
- Juggalos
- Dan Lirette
Lowtax is considered paranoid and dangerous due to excessive self-importance. Avoid at all costs. He also really fucking hates Google because Google pwned Something Awful hard. Really.
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Mangosteens
Lowtax is a major supporter of mangosteens, a type of repulsively shitty fruit that he claims to have beneficial nutritive properties. In the past, he tried to scam goons into buying mangosteen products, to little effect. After being repeatedly trolled by his own forum users, Lowtax had a meltdown:
| — A very e-angry Lowtax |
A mangosteen grenade is the logo for SASS.
Lowtax vs. PeppermintPatti
Lowtax was very traumatized by PeppermintPatti. Culexor, Vipor231, and Pixelbee joined forces in "The Final Solution to the Problem of Lowtax" and attempted to kill him by snipping his brakelines, poisoning his apple juice, and posting video blogs. [1] Although the attacks from the youtuber's eventually stopped, Kyanka lives in fear of their reprisal to this day.
El fin
As of February 12, 2008, Lowtax is no longer the titular master and commander of his forums, due to the fact that goons actually started talking back to him after he reacted badly to yet another totally avoidable massive security breach HE JUST NEEDS SOME TIME OFF, OK?!?! Speculation runs rampant among the ranks: will Lowtax actually give up power and focus on making the front page funny again, or will he continue to micromanage and shit up the forums through their newly-appointed Grand Poobah (who just so happens to live in Lowtax's basement)? MOAR AS IT DEVELOPS
External Links
- Lowtax's Youtube
- SASSclopedia's article on Lowtax
- Lowtax is going to get the crap beat out of him by Uwe Boll.
- Lowtax went and got the crap beat out of him by Uwe Boll.
