Madeleine McCann
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| BREAKING NEWS!
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 Words from the Grave (or Bottom of the Ocean at Least) |
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We raped her, hid her somewhere, then dumped her body a month later using a rental car, but didn't bother cleaning out the blood.
Yeah, that's pretty much what we did.
Madeleine McCann disappeared on the evening of Thursday, 3 May 2007 in the resort of Praia da Luz in the Algarve, Portugal, just days short of her fourth birthday. The British girl was on vacation with her parents, Kate and Gerry McCann when she disappeared from the resort. Madeleine's parents have said that they left her unsupervised in a ground floor bedroom with her two-year-old twin siblings while they ate at a restaurant about 120 metres away. Already well known for their online exploits, Maddy's parents brought her to that country to supplement their cocaine addiction. After renting her out for the day to an American guy, her parents went to dinner, leaving the exhausted cash cow Maddy under the watchful eye of their 4 month old. When mommy and daddy returned, they waited 45 minutes before alerting the police to the child abduction. This was most likely to hide the evidence, snort up the current gram of coke, and transfer funds into foreign bank accounts.
As of this Thursday, over £1,000,000 (~US$2 million) has been raised to find Maddie, while the childrinz in Zimbabwe continue to die of fail and AIDS. However, Zimbabwe doesn't care, cuz now they gots jenkem. And noone else cares because it is Africa and they are black. Note that $1.5 million is enough to buy another child, but no, Madeleine's parents are too picky.
Lately one of the rapists, Robert Murat, has been captured by police. This 33 year old genius is being questioned, where it is reported he mentioned that he only really cared about it for the lulz.
Most recently, and in a move that stunned neutral observers, the Portuguese authorities went and did something that was less than fucking retarded and named the mother a formal suspect. That should teach her not to try and introduce her kids to the biz until they're of age.
Even more recently a spokesman for the family told the press that the parents of lil' Maddie used money from the Fund to pay off 2 (two) terms of their mortgage. It is clear to everyone now that Maddie is nothing more than a tool to pay off debts.
[edit] Kidnapping
While some argue that Madeleine was kidnapped by Mexicans (though that would mean a Mexican did work and they're all lazy, amirite?), other witnesses claim that her teddybear sprung to life and kidnapped her. Madeleine's parents were dining 100 yards away with other swingers at a restaurant near the Mark Warner Ocean Childlove branch. Kate and Gerry McCann reported to the police that they were taking turns checking on their children, every 3 days. At approximately lulzo'clock, Western European Summer Time, 2 days earlier, Gerry checked on the children and they were all fine. Staff and guests at the complex searched until 4:30 whilst police on the Spanish border and all airports in Portugal and Spain were notified that they wouldn't get their turn with Maddie if she wasn't found. The search and moar butthurt ensues. Latest indications suggest that George Harrison pwnd Maddie. No-one dare tell fellow whining Scouser Kate MCann that the Fab one has actually been dead for at least 100 years - much like poor Maddie.
UPDATE: Maddie's kidnapper was discovered when some old lady at least 100 years ago made a report saying she saw maddie with a stranger! The police made picture, et voilá! Maddie's killer. Of course encyclopediadramatica always knew who it was.
[edit] Possible reward withdrawal
The financial reward for Madeleine has been cited as the second biggest reason for false reports of finding Madeleine, only just losing to doing it for the lulz. Over the last month there has been at least 21 attempts to hand in false Madeleines ranging from the simple sex doll with a mask to a shaved monkey which had been put through plastic surgery. The monkey was initially accepted by the parents but after a week the father returned it saying his daughter's vagina was a lot softer than the monkey's. The father was going to be tried for Animal Abuse, but he had recently lost his daughter so they decided any wrong doing was okay.
[edit] Immediate After Effects
At least 100 Facebook groups showed up crying for people to find Maddy. At least one was trolled. Portuguese people were excited that they were somewhat popular again. Pædophiless fapped big time to CNN while claiming DO WANT, someone put up a $5,000,000 reward for her safe return, and it was still shit nobody cares about.
[edit] Find Mandolin
A Find Mandolin Myspace was set up to find Mandie, but shut down last Thursday due to the pain that Mandie's parents are facing at the moment. It has since been re-launched after they realized that it may actually help in the search for Mandolin.
Recently, a string from Mandolin was found in the gig bag of her parents, and they were soon announced as suspects for her disappearance.
[edit] Ways to enlighten "Find Maddie" forums
Specifically, this one [1] Just copypasta for instant lulz!
There once was a young girl called Maddie,
She had such an unthinking daddy,
Snatched from her bed,
She's probably dead,
Ræped by a Portuguese baddy.
Hickory Dickory Dock,
Maddie McCann was sucking my cock,
Her parents walked in,
We went for a swim,
and now she's under the docks,
She was taken on holiday then taken away
By a unnamed man who still isn’t caught to this day
Her parents got owned and also the blame
But if it was the bloke or the mam its LOLFEST all the same
Still not found, just give up come on
Or at least, for fuck sake, arrest some one
We’re all getting bored; at first it was kinda tragic
But as the search went on, it turned to comedy magic
You can search all you want, give it up my dear
You’ll never find the bitch, cause she’s sitting next to me right here
[edit] FAQ
Q: What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Pope John Paul II?
A: The Pope died a virgin.
Q: What's the difference between the McCanns and Gary Glitter
A: Gary Glitter keeps an eye on the children!
Q: What do Madeleine McCann and bananas have in common?
A: Both are flown to England in boxes.
Q: What do Maddie and Liverpool have in common?
A: Both lost in Europe
Q: What do Madeleine McCann and a cheap blow-up doll have in common?
A: Both are fucked and then discarded.
Q: Knock Knock... Who's There?
A: Not Maddie, lol.
Q: What's the difference between Madeleine McCann, and Madeleine McCann jokes?
A: The jokes will get old.
Q: What's worse than asking Michael Jackson to babysit your children?
A: Asking the McCanns to take them on holiday.
Q: What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and a toaster
A: A toaster wasn't raped and then murdered
Q: What do Madeleine McCann and submarines have in common?
A: Both lie at the bottom of the sea, and are filled with seamen
Q: What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and a boomerang?
A: A boomerang always comes back.
Q: What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and a tan?
A: A tan doesn't disappear until after the holiday.
Q: What's the difference between the McCanns and Gary Glitter?
A: Gary Glitter comes back from his holidays with more kids than he left with.
Q: What's dead and not newsworthy?
A: Madeleine McCann.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because Kate McCann wanted to kill it.
Q: What's the upside to an expensive family summer holiday in Portugal with the kids?
A: A cheap Christmas.
[edit] Dead Maddie of Bel-air
Now, this is a story all about how
Maddy got raped while upside down
And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there,
I'll tell you how the McCann's got away with a girl's murder.
In the United Kingdom born and raised
On the playground was where she spent most of her days
Sitting and swimming naked in the pool
And lookin' all wet for her Daddy the fool
And Daddy's libido was up to no good
Started getting tight in his crotch hood
He raped little Maddie then Mom got scared
She said "We're gonna have to kill 'er and dump her somewhere"
They whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything they thought this cab is rare
But they said "Aw fuck it, to a ditch somewhere!"
I pulled up to the ditch about 7 or 8
And handed the cabby a 50 for him to clam up
Then they got an axe, a bag, and chopped their girl up.
They looked at the grave site, finally ready, to pretend they were grieving and get everyone's pity.
For the effect of such trolling, please see: Lisa Portolese
[edit] BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
YTU pedophiles like Irish282 are very upset about this article. You can help by pretending to care.
[edit] Who's To Blame?
- The parents.
PROTIP:
ba·by-sit [bey-bee-sit] verb, -sat, -sit·ting.
–verb (used without object)
- 1. to take charge of a child while the parents are temporarily away.
–verb (used with object)
- 2. to baby-sit for (a child): We've placed an ad for someone to baby-sit the youngsters in the evening.
- 3. to take watchful responsibility for; tend: It will be necessary for someone to baby-sit the machine until it is running properly.
Also, ba·by·sit.
[Origin: 1945–50]
[edit] But how can I help?
While many may feel unable to help, and shattered by the sheer inhumanity of what has transpired, there is actually a tremendous amount you can do.
- If you have any information about Portuguese Pædophile rings. Call 0-800-003040-0384.(If you are calling internationally dial 001448000030400384)
- Join all 480 Find Maddie groups on facebook.
- Send Money!!
- Send pokerchips!!
- Send Money!!
- Moar Money!!
- Send that fucking money!
- ?????
- PROFIT
Different rules apply to /b/tards.
- Find Maddie
- Lose your virginity to her.
- Pics or it didn't happen
- Post said pics to /b/
- If you're too much of a virgin to do the above, shoop rule 34 of Maddie and post that on /b/.
[edit] Maddy and Pedobear Sightings
It is believed that Pedobear cashed in his campaign funds for his '08 presidency bid to buy Maddy from her Moroccan captors. Pedobear's new hobbies include changing Maddie's diapers, petting, and playing lick the peanut butter.
[edit] Where is Maddy now?
There are many theories on Maddy's current location, provided by the world's leading lulzologists.
- Belgium, wonder why?
- Israel. Giving handjobs for the equivalent of 15 cents.
- Still with pedobear in Alabama, where they are legally married.
- Eaten by natives in the Philippines, ironically, she is now being fermented as jenkem.
- Space. Doing blow with Will Robinson and the other crew of Lost in Space while having incestual orgies in hypersleep.*
- Africa, helping the people there because apparently noone else cares. It is reported that Maddie left herself after informing her parents, who obviously agreed so they could have more sex and make money.
[edit] How to find her
Although pedobear is crafty, you can lure maddy away by releasing the odors of candy, and jingling coins in your pocket, she is well trained. An easy way to tell her from imposter prostatots is the look of total shock and/or this video. Great Success if you are able to keep maddy for yourself, then turn her in for the $5,000,000 reward. Which you can turn around to use on Hookers and blow.
Or just send some more money.
[edit] Newest update from cashcowmaddie.com
Day 45 - 17/06/2007 Kate and I managed an early morning run before church.
The first event of our longer term campaign will be on Friday 22nd June- this will mark the 50th day Madeleine will be missing. We will be launching green and yellow balloons from at least 50 centres worldwide to mark the fact that we are still searching as are other parents of missing children. Countries that are participating so far are Argentina, El Salvador, USA, Canada, Ireland, UK, Portugal (Kate and I in Praia da Luz), Spain, Germany, United Arab Emirates, Singapore, Australia and New Zealand. Any other countries that wish to participate can download information from the website.
Yeah, Balloons. That'll help. Just admit you fucked and killed your daughter. I bet the balloons will take down at least 1 plane killing at least 100 people and noone will care about that. Realistically, they are just using this to get a long vacation. They said they wouldn't leave Spain until their daughter came back (even if they're in Portugal). Fucking Jews have so much money now. They can live off of Find Maddie money for years.
[edit] When will the REAL Drama ever end you say!?
Madeleine may be dead police say. Finally, the Portuguese police have come to the same conclusion as everyone else, and has made Kate McCann a formal suspect. Expect massive bawwwwwwwing.
[edit] The search
This is the help you can hire for $1,500,000.
[edit] YouTube Help
YouTube created a link to a special website all about the little brat, and how the parents care for other kidnapped children, when of course all they care about is exploiting their childs for moneys.
[edit] Sexiest Woman Of 2007?
once again the sick fucks at 4chan and Ebaum's world have sunk to an all time low. All over /b/,
/b/tards are voting for Madeleine McCann as 2007's sexiest woman on Kerrang! Reader's 2007 Poll.
The server was been completely raped as a result./b/ raped them too much, and now all the polls are down. No, no, not just sexiest woman...all the polls.
Polls are back up, maddie is past 1.5 million votes!
Correction, /b/ raped them, polls taken down for good this time.
She was at 2298801 votes.
[edit] A Very Maddie Movie
As of January 08 2008, talks are afoot for a movie dramatising Maddie's disappearance.
[edit] The Synopsis
The McCann family will be played by Christian Slater and Tara Reid, as both have demonstrated by appearing in a Uwe Boll movie that they will work for food. The movie opens with the main characters making their fateful trip to the local eatery, which will be shown onscreen as being next door to their holiday flat and in no way over a mile away.
As Maddie begs her parents not to go because it will be night soon and the Pedobears mostly come at night... mostly, they reassure her and tuck her into bed. As soon as they are gone, however, a fat, sweaty Portugese gypsy in a grubby vest and plastic sandals (played by Cheech Marin) leaps into shot. He proceeds to go "Nya-ha-haaaaah!" like Dishonest John from Beanie and Cecil, twirl his greasy mustache and tip-toe into the house with his shoulders hunched at an exaggerated angle.
The "Blundering" Portuguese detective will be played by the late Peter Sellers, brought back to life using body doubles and CG animation. Throughout the movie he will be stalked by a cel-animated pink Pedobear. As Gerry McCann angrily points to it and shouts "HE'S BEHIND YOU!" Sellers will comedically fall over, get his head stuck in toilets, present McCann with a delivery of a beumb and inquire whether he has a leesance for his monkey. Maddy's fat ass auntie will be played by Roseanne Barr and Rosie O' Donnell in one. Both of them inside a fat suit. And an ugly suit. Not that they need it.
[edit] The Synopsis #2
Maddie's parents and her siblings arrive in Praia De Lulz. Gerry McCann is played by Michael Jackson who also plays Kate McCann. Teh pedobear abducts Maddie for teh lulz and takes her away to Alabama. Inspector Clouseau epic fails in finding Maddie presenting more epic lulz. The McCanns also pay off their mortgage. Disney is attempting a rival project, "The Muppets Take Madeleine"
[edit] Sky News Covers The Movie
http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30100-1299872,00.html News story
| —Sky News |
| —Gerry McCann |
[edit] A New Challenger Comes!
Shona Adams, a Nigra single mother and head of a London talent agency, became aware of little Kelsey Lynn Kudla after the potential prostatot was contacted by the McCann's via the family's website. She hopes that little Kelsey could stand to trouser a cool nine million pounds (of which Adams will be entitled to 20%) by taking the lead role in the proposed movie.
| —Shona Adams, confusing democracy with anarchy |
| —Kelsey's Mom. TLDR: "CHA-CHING!" |
| —Spokesman for the McCanns, talking about his own clients. |
| —"Pasqual," a tribute artist associated with agencies with morals |
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/video/article307898.ece?channel=Sun+Exclusive&clipID=1347_SUN5861 Hilariously tasteless video at The Sun
[edit] Rejected Movie Titles
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[edit] Oprah and Barbara Step In
[edit] The LOLcow That WOULD NOT DIE
As of the writing of this section (January 2008) the Maddie fund has taken around one point two million pounds. It is estimated that the McCanns will have spent this ALL on the search for Maddie by June. Obviously this situation is unacceptable to both the family and the Maddie Media Murder Mash, so Oprah Winfrey and Barbara Walters entered a million pound bidding war for exclusive interview rights. The McCann family claim that money will not be an issue, and that they will back the show which will most help the search for their daughter. Good thing that it's illegal for them to do BOTH shows and take NO MONEY AT ALL, amirite?
[edit] Media Reaction
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/worldnews.html?in_article_id=510483&in_page_id=1811&ct=5 Daily Mail article
[edit] Running Total
This interview will bring the running total for the campaign to around five million US dollars. What else could you buy for five million dollars?
- Two and a half million really lousy hand jobs
- A submarine to dump your daughter's corpse at the bottom of the Marianas Trench
- Two seasons of Doctor Who and a bag of Doritos
- The love of several thousand more children. And then kill them, w/e lol
- A time-travelling DeLorean.
- About 750 Anthrocons.
- A PS3. They'll have to remortgage the house for a second Sixaxis controller though.
- This superyacht.
- A decent babysitter
[edit] International Maddie day
May the 3rd is now proclaimed as International Maddie day. Everyone must listen to Cannibal Corpses "Stripped, Raped and Strangled" for epic lulz
[edit] The Bebo Abuse Continues
http://bebo.com/GiveMaddieBack
^ A popular Maddie group on Bebo has been targeted by Twilightning (Darragh Smyth) and is being continually bombarded with abuse.
"Maddie's not coming home for Christmas, dipshits. If she does, it'll be in a body bag!" - Twilightning
Spam this bitch for epic lulz sxc_tazzi_14@hotmail.com HELP FOR THE LULZ!
There are some really dumb people who think Maddie is TOTALLY OK!!
"ye am sure evry1 as respect 4 dis little girl, n we are all praying that she will be fownd !!....x x x" - Nicola (srsly) [2]
[edit] SENSATIONAL Breaking News!!!, 190308
Along with British newspapers The Mail and The Sun [3], ED has been forced to pay a fine of 100 Euros, and to print a frontpage retraction for claiming that the parents of Madeliene McCann whored her about before cooking and eating her.
Other ED retractions expected soon;
- Jews did not do WTC
- Longcat is not long
- Scientology is not a sinister money-grubbing cult
- Bears do not use the woods as a toilet
- The Pope is not a
CatholicNazi
[edit] MOAR NEWS, 03/05/08
One year on, Maddie's parents are getting butthurt over comments they're recceiving for their sheer negligence, such as this:
Sauce: Anonymous, reported by The Sun
Meanwhile, they and the tabloids are also butthurt because "ghouls" are treating Maddie's apartment as if it's a monument in order to see the sauce of the drama first hand. WTF?? It's not as if there's anything wrong with visiting the resort and telling your kids "Kids! When you're older, you will grow up to be sensible parents unlike those who abandoned their daughter here".
Sauce: The Sun
Here's what annoys the tabloids
- Going to Praia da Luz
- Taking photos of yourself (optionally: your kids too) by Maddie's flat
- pics or it didn't happen
- ?????
- PROFIT!!!
[edit] I'm a Maddie Girl, In A Maddie World
In May 2008, Brazillian artist Josepha Maria created and displayed a Realdoll of what she imagines a grown up version of Maddie to look like. She displayed the staring, blank-eyed horror in the town of Praia Del Luz along with photos of Maddie, opting to troll the locals by loudly setting up the diorama at five thirty AM for extra points.
The fact that the creature looks like a Bratz doll with a Sharingan eye would be funny enough by itself, but Daily Mail-reading burger-faced harridan Nancy Thompson (who runs the pub opposite the church) took extra special offence and the McCann family themselves - who were also quite clearly nauseated (and yet strangely aroused) by the doll - had to pull her off its creator.
| —Nancy Thompson, proving that people who read The Sun no speak so good |
[edit] We Miss U Gallery
 Do what she says and noone gets hurt |
 Holiday memoir. |
 Bitches don't know bout my whereabouts. |
 A Classic Children's book |
 Recent Maddy sighting on NUDEFUNDATING.COM |
 Newspapers around the world are on the search for Maddie. |
 Maddie is not wanted |
 Maddy and brother, Christmas 2005 |
 Webslinging action |
 She also wouldn't be dead in an alley, covered in daddy's semen. |
 New Missing Children Edition Mr Men Book. |
 Pedobear and Maddy's daddy. |
 How To Hide A Four Year Old Prostatot In Madrid |
 Get your myspace layouts to support maddie |
 How do I milk lolcow? |
 The book that keeps her from being found |
 Sun viewers shocked about ED |
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 Hide and Seek World Champion |
 Everybody knows it was a nigra |
 |
 the lulz ensued |
 Not starring Maddie because she's dead. |
 That's a fucking hard game. |
 Pedobear wants Maddy...found. |
 LOL you can't find her |
[edit] See Also
- Shannon Matthews
- Onde está Maddy? em português
- Missing white woman syndrome
- Dead Babies
- Baby Grace
- Ohbutyouwillpet
- Pedobear
- irish282
- Portugal
- Childlove
- Lisa Portolese - Maddie sleuth trolled.
- Abortion
- Juliana Wetmore
- Lake Angel
[edit] External Links
- Where's
WaldoMaddy?
- That's Tekjester@gmail.com
- The Official "Find Madeline" MySpace page
- For abuse and LULZ
Send this to McCann fans, for the lulz.BALEETED- Parents butthurt over tourists taking trips to rub it in - ergo. they should've watched their kids better then
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Madeleine McCann is part of a series on Child Abuse. |
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