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Maine
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Maine is made of cows, dead cows, moose and flannel jackets and Portland, small city not to be confused with Portland. No one really lives here aside from cows and a ton of old people who couldn't afford Boston. Basically it's Alaska for the east coast. Maine is fucking cold in the winter and fucking hot in the summer, and there is no point to ever going there... EVER.
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[edit] More About Maine
Maines chief export is Lobster, which is not unlike a cockroach that lives at the bottom of the ocean. Lobster is shipped to fine restaurants across the world to feed social elites and rich people everywhere. It is not quite understood why these people eat lobster, as it tastes and smells like 3-day old moldy diarrhea. Maine also has a worse economy than Darfur but it collects taxes like everyone is Bill gates. There second largest export is logs, closely followed by dead cows, moose, and dead tourists.
[edit] Maine Natives
While Maine is mostly a backwards state of the Americunts, it varies greatly on location. Up north is Aroostok County. Its basically a dead version of Ireland on shitty date rape drugs. These people are obsessed with potatoes more than same from Lord Of The Rings. The capital is Augusta and it overly attempts to look like Washington D.C. Augusta is also known as the ass-hole of Maine because its filled with nothing but wannabe politicians. A little less North is Yarmouth. It's like a little version of Massachusetts Suburbs, the only difference being they worship the clam as a religion instead of tennis or the red sox. Maine is bordered by Canada, and a frozen body of water that never goes above 3 degrees and is known as the ocean. On the ocean is Portland. To live in Portland you must either smell really bad and work on a boat, or be a star bucks obsessed office worker. If you know an office worker in Portland then chances are you'll suddenly become tech-savvy. Farther south still is the small town of Windham (More commonly known as WIndumb, and Windamn). Windham is like a cheap ass version of Portland combined with NY and yarmouth. Windham (perhaps the most intellegent town in Maine), has a couple thousand citizens. People in Windham like to go tourist hunting on almost a daily basis. And the farthest south is Down East Maine. In down east maine they have the thickest, most disturbing Mainer accent. Ironically they also like to fap off to thick and disturbing things. Down East Maine has recently become the Incest captial of the world beating Germany by a land slide. Most Mainers tend to think they are gangsta rolling around in their jacked-up rusty F150s and doing burnouts at every fucking light. They have no sense of reality either. Sometimes during hunting season, hunters get lost and die or disapear because they run into "lost maine tribes" of colonists much like the movie The Village. Many people have gone missing recently only to have their bones being sold on eBay as well as personal items. IT ARE A FACT.
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[edit] Bangor
Bangor is a city that attempts to be far much bigger than Portland that has recently banned the smoking in cars with children under the age of 18. Some argue that Bangor is the first city to do this in the country. This has caused many lulzworthy incidents in police officers pulling people over and ticketing drivers $50 for smoking in their own car. This is also the hometown of BALDACCI and other wannabe politicians. Some argue that Bangor may not become the next Boston, as even a blind man can see that the only expansion Bangor has seen is the increase of african americans attending area colleges and homeless rate caused by the local casino. Most Bangwhorians like the smell of their own shit, and are overjoyed a new Hollister store is opening in the only mall in Maine. As if anyone who shops in any of the stores in the Bangor Mall, knows what real fashion is.
[edit] Mardens
Mainers are also proud of their only department store, where all mainers have shopped at. Marden's is yet again another lulzworthy point of Maine. You can often find books, computer games, electronics, and other goods from hurricane-tornado-flood and out-of-business stores from the 90s. Be careful upon entering any Marden's especially the one in Waterville which was formerly a Wal-Mart and even sports a Marden's Rockin' Diner, as this woman will appear and ask if daddy will be surprised, and wonder what a cutting disk is.
[edit] Be Like A Mainer
- Every time you say ar, er, ir etc. Stop. Replace with ah. For example: Traditional way: Park the car in the yard behind the barn. Mainah way: Pahk the cah in da bahn behind da yahd.
- Don't say the. Be German say da. Cause Mainers aren't really Americans.
- say wicked in front of every word ever, for example: "Thats wicked awesome!", "daddy just got his wicked penis and raped me up the ass", "wicked lulz" etc...
- Learn to swear. A LOT. Don't use strong language like fuck but use shit, dawn, ass, screw, and bitch A LOT.
- Leave your door unlocked.
- Buy a shotgun.
- Get a truck run it till its dead on a second hand motor you've replaced 10 times.
- Smoke, drop out of high school.
- Get fat. Seriously get a beer belly.
- still be fat but super strong. and set lots of shit on fire.
[edit] Things to do in Maine
- Nothing
- Become an hero
- ????
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- Dialup the internets
- Sell antiques, pictures, and other fine goods on EBay
- ????
- Profit!!!
[edit] Related Articles
| The United States of Encyclopedia Dramatica |
|---|---|
| States | Alabama | Alaska | Arizona | Arkansas | California | Colorado | Connecticut | Delaware | Florida | Georgia | Hawaii | Idaho | Illinois | Indiana | Iowa | Kansas | Kentucky | Louisiana | Maine | Maryland | Massachusetts | Michigan | Minnesota | Mississippi | Missouri | Montana | Nebraska | Nevada | New Hampshire | New Jersey | New Mexico | New York | North Carolina | North Dakota | Ohio | Oklahoma | Oregon | Pennsylvania | Rhode Island | South Carolina | South Dakota | Tennessee | Texas | Utah | Vermont | Virginia | Washington | West Virginia | Wisconsin | Wyoming |
| Not a state yet | Australia | Canada | China | District of Columbia | Eurabia | Iraq |
