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Mario
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Mario is the fat, greasy, Italian mascot for Nintendo and has starred in many (roughly 90%) of their games due to Shigeru Miyamoto's inability to come up with new characters.
[edit] The Games
[edit] Donkey Kong
Mario got drunk and started trying to steal some nigger's white girlfriend. He succeeded and almost killed the nigger for good.
[edit] Super Mario Bros.
Mario teams up with his brother and they kill some giant turtle and shit to save some princess.
[edit] Super Mario Bros 2
Mario, Luigi, some midget, and a blonde whore team up and battle a frog. They totally changed it and made it gay, and noone cared after that.
[edit] Super Mario Bros. 3
Bowser took over the mushroom Kingdom, installing his progeny as puppet rulers of the various Kingdoms inside the Mushroom Empire. Mario, caught off guard by this coup at a furry convention, didn't even change out of his sexy racoon gear before he went after Bowser and his kin with a vengeance. He went on a world spanning quest to violently murder the children and followers of the King Koopa. After slaughtering all of his children, Mario pulled out the shock and awe on Bowser himself! Some argue that this is the best game evar and would score 9001 on a 1-10 rating scale. However, anyone who agrees with this is a furfag, as this is the game where Mario came out as a furry, wearing an arsenal of fun fursuits, such as a raccoon, a turtle, a frog, and a Jew.
[edit] Super Mario World
The same game as 3, but for the Super Nintendo. The only difference is that this time you get to ride a gay dinosaur that gives you a blow job.
[edit] Mario Kart
Mario and his friends go drunk driving and bust caps in each other's asses for trophies.
[edit] Super Mario RPG
The starting plot is the same as SMB 1 but then this giant Sword rams into Bowser's castle and shit went flying everywhere.
So, Mario then has to find these gay ass stars to activate a gay ass plot of wishing. Gameplay is very similar to that of Final Fantasy (Obviously since this game was made by the same shit company who made that shit) except YOU CAN PRES BUTTONS TO DO MOAR DAMAGE!!!
[edit] Mario is Missing
Some gay game where Luigi unfortunately finds his brother in the closet.
The PC version of the game gave birth to the meme known as Weegee.
[edit] Super Mario 64
Same gay shit, you just run around (in 3D) and collect some fag stars (and yes, it's always fucking stars) to save the needy bitch princess Peach. Originally released in 1996 on the Nintendo 64 (omg, 64-bit grafix) but was then Re-released on DS where you get to play as his faggot brother Luigi, some greedy fatass, and a green dinosaur.
[edit] Paper Mario
Same as SMRPG but every character is a fucking piece of paper. Bowser stole this Star Rod and decided to use it for himself. Peach invites Mario and Luigi to some strip party, and Peach wants to show Mario some panty, BUT the whole castle rises up in the sky and Bowser pwns the shit out of Mario with his Star Rod OMFG! So now Mario has to free some shit star spirits to re-own Bowser and his damn Star Rod. The series has also spawned a two equally childish, contrived, and resolutely gay sequels.
[edit] Super Smash Bros.
A Nintendo fanboy's wet dream come to life. The game is basically a giant circlejerk of various Nintendo characters beating the shit out of each other.
[edit] Super Mario Sunshine
Mario flies around on a water jet pack for 20 hours until you get bored to death.
[edit] SUpeR MaRio GalAxY
- Pretty colors and cutesy stars
- Addition of cutesy animals (penguins and the like)
- High pitched, unmanly, and child-like squeals from the primary protagonist, Mario
- Plinky plonky music, easy on the ears of children
- One button controls. WAGGLE N JUMP
- Easy gameplay designed not to frustrate youngsters. Bosses are easy: find the weak-spot (which they'll bend over and show you before attacking) then repeat 3 times
- Completely linear levels, allowing children of young ages with no problem solving skills whatsoever the ability to complete the game
- Lack of depth so younger players are not overwhelmed (go through one linear path, 120 times, for 120 stars).
- A level composed entirely of children's toys
- Fairytale-like plot, where prince charming must rescue the damsel in distress
- Kindergarten-esque storybook sections
- Large, cartoony font, and simplistic dialog, with emphasis on certain words (helps early child reading skills develop)
- Get at least 120 stars to play as Luigi which he can jump higher but his traction is total shit.
- And etc etc...
[edit] Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games
Mario and his friends find some furfags and a fat scientist, and then they compete in some shit Olympic game. Nobody gives a shit about this game now, due to Sonic in Brawl. Mario realized that these people came from a bizarro universe because it is the furfags who beat the shit out of some human troll, not the other way around.
[edit] Other Games
Keep in mind, the above mentioned games only make up a small percentage of the games in which Mario has starred. Mario has also been featured in at least 100 other games (no exaggeration), all of which can be viewed here.
[edit] Mario Teaches Sex-Ed
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[edit] See Also
[edit] External Links
- Mario on Newgrounds- Newgrounds has an almost gay fascination with the chubby Italian plumber.
- Zero Punctuation Review of Super Mario Galaxy
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Mario is part of a series on Gaming. |
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