Matt Crimmins

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according to Matt he is a "model"

Matt Crimmins aka MattGRAVE aka Corblo II aka Matticus666 aka Matt Ballinger (irl) is an 19-year-old McDonalds fry cook, goth fucktard, and aspiring baby-daddy of 17-year-old-girl FROSTBRAT aka FROSTBITE |A/p|. What you are about to read is a textbook example about what happens to conceited /b/-tards when they try to run shit on ED when they don't have a clue about what it's all about. He also likes to throw people's shirts on top of roofs for lulz.

[edit] Can't We All Just Get Along?

It was a slow day on encyclopedia dramatica's new ED Users mailing list, which is known as WhiteMystery's "less frightening and confusing IRC Chatroom". However it can never be predicted when the next lolcow will come along.

It all started with a fairly innocuous request for some wiki technical help from someone of no importance, which was promptly and helpfully answered. Then for seemingly no reason Matt Crimmins aka Matt Ballinger chimed in with the delightfully composed:

• Clearly this is a case of a man who mistakenly believes that he is anonymous, when that was not the case.

[edit] The Lulz Begin

Matt's girlfriend Claire - according to Matt this picture is of her "orgasm face" - LoL Fake. Expect xxPrincessPunkxx-style blowjob shoops to be forthcoming

With great haste, the datamining began by a number of EDiots, various Myspace's [1][2][3] [4], Deviantart's [5][6] and vampirefreak [7] profiles were uncovered.

What can be gathered is that Matt:

• Is a 19 year old Emo / Goth Vampire from Glenwood, New South Wales, Australia.
• Works in McDonalds
• Has a band "Outside Your Box that according to Matt
  sounds like "the makings of child pornography.".
• Thinks his hair straighteners make him "look sexy".
• Is a pedophile: who "Likes" - "Pussy, tight and young and shaven.".
• His girlfriend Claire probably has a "tight and young and shaven" pussy,
  but he is sad that she is a cutter.
• Claire wont have a tight pussy for long because she is pregnant.
• Dislikes attention whores, despite his 33 cell-phone self-portraits on Myspace.
• Likes to write suicide notes on Deviantart but it "is not an attention seeking thing".
• Describes himself here as "true freak from Sydney, Australia repping up the industrial scene with my crew of misfits in the Western Suburbs District. I frequent Club Blink in the city and various gigs and dives. Knocking back drinks with my mates is definitely a pastime of mine. Im always up for fun =] Im like a fucking Transformer, More then meets the eye. =]"
• Is a racist who "Dislikes : Anyone who isn't from our culture".
• From the comments on his numerous profiles, Matt is very probably cheating on his girlfriend.
  Srsly Claire it looks like he cybers with many other sluts.
• Holy shit they let these people breed.
• Cannot speak HTML
• Thinks having a girlfriend proves he's not gay.
• Needs his ED user page vandalized

• Is very quickly raping his own internet profiles of the lulz. too late screen-grabbed / saved.
• Has confirmed his FAGGOTRY by saying this about his girlfriend: "She seems to be me, placed in a womans [sic] body. Odd. But it works."
• Likes throwing shirts on roofs.

[edit] Let's Make Babies

Claire's DavianTART page is completely devoid of artwork. In fact, it would be completely worthless if not for her journal entries, where we get to watch a stupid teenage girl drop out of school and get pregnant in just a few short paragraphs.

13 days pass...

[edit] Reaction to this Article

[edit] External Links

actually ... we do know

• Matt on Myspace as "Matt is Jesus"
• Matt on bebo
• Matt on VampireFreaks
• Matts Deviantart
• Matt's Band Project: 616
• Another of Matt's "Bands" - sounds like "the makings of child pornography." apparently.

• Matt's girlfriend Claire .. pussy assumed to be young, shaved and tight.
• Frostbite on bebo ... more kissy-kissy shit
• Matt's Baby-Mommy's Deviantart

[edit] Gallery of an emo vampire

Matt the camwhore	in need of deodorant	proudly shows off his facial hair to get some internet pussy	emo metal rocks
Doesn't seem very nice	Matt tries to get some anal action	Matt leaves himself wide open	Matt the "model"
Matt tries to be angelic	Matt's suicide note ( not for attention )	emo teen love poem	Matt is sad when Claire cuts herself.
sometimes boys use fat girl angle shot's	thinks he is a rockstar	Matt wearing black again	Black again LoL
Matt's camwhore girlfriend cannot use lipstick properly	Goth Bear - now with color! Still looks like shit	Matt likes fucking Christians who glow. He's also a closet Jesus-freak.	gay desktop
pedophile Matt Crimmins	Matt's baby momma wants to "be a cartoonist and make comics"	professional rendition of Matt & Claire's baby

[edit] Other Modeling Goth Fucktards

• Skulz