McDonald's

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I'm lovin' it!

McDonald's is a place where fat ugly rednecks and niggers go to eat cheap, processed, greasy food for less.

Founded by Ronald McDonald at least 100 years ago in Britain, the restaurant was originally a glue factory, using extracted fat from millions of dying children to make the glue, but it wasn't until Ronald McDonald Jr migrated to the US that McDonald's began to serve the fatty glue as food.

Now a major political and military superpower, McDonald's has established many cells (called franchises) in countries all over the world, where they continue to kill innocent Chinese kids with American poison, at which time the bloated yellow carcasses are stripped of their delicious meat and sold back in America as Happy Meals.

1 Why McDonald's is Fucking Fail
2 The Saving Grace of McDonald's
3 Pounders
4 Ronald McDonald
5 Metahuman Abilities
6 Advertising
7 Nobel prize nomination
8 Gallery
9 See Also
10 External Links

[edit] Why McDonald's is Fucking Fail

McDonald's is the symbol of American gluttony. Sitting outside a McDonald's and watching all the fatties go in and out is a source for hours upon hours of lulz, although you would have to be a sad cunt to stand out there for 2 hours watching them (the seventh definition of sad as listed as an English adjective).

Entering a McDonald's automatically makes you a furfag and a lardass. Their fries are inferior even to carrot sticks, and their white-meat Chicken McNuggets are a constant reminder that children will eat anything that appears on television. This is due to the fact that the McNuggets are in fact made from the toes of supple Mesoamerican natives, deep-fried and sold in packets of six for $3.95.

Bulimics are confused and scared by McDonald's, because their cheeseburgers taste even worse going down than they do coming back up. Also, double quarter pounders with cheese are capable of saving your soul. People who are so fucking fat from eating this shit that they actually become physically disabled are known in the medical world as lardfucks.

[edit] The Saving Grace of McDonald's

The only good thing to ever come out of McDonald's is Sneak King, a cheap-ass game for the Xbox 360, in which you assume the role of the King and almost rape people. (Almost, because as everyone knows, if you buy dinner for someone they owe you secks.)

I'm lovin' it!

HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS

Turns out, Sneak King was made by Burger King.

First KFC opening ever - a rival of McDonald's

[edit] Pounders

Most people have heard of "Quarter Pounders" but not so many have ever had a "Pounder". It is a fact that you can buy a Pounder. Go up to the person and ask for one. However, the lulz effect is diminished because a Pounder has enough fat to kill you. Pounders are being phased out, and eventually they'll stop serving them. Why? Because the US Government classifies them as a threat to national security. Grab one while you can. It probably doesn't make a fucking difference anyway, most McDonalds eaters buy five burgers anyway.

[edit] Ronald McDonald

and in your nightmares

In 1968, hamburgerologists working at the Rand Corporation were horrified to discover that overdosing on McDonald's food would eventually lead to a degenerative disease called "Kroc's Syndrome." Symptoms include loss of skin pigmentation, frizzy red hair, and complete fucking-up of the fashion sense beyond even the ability of any queer guy to correct. In a typical philanthropic gesture, McDonald's began a series of public-service ads starring Kroc's Syndrome sufferer Ronald McDonald, who presents the important message, "Kids! Don't eat hamburgers!"

Many clones exist of him, which prove his ties with Mcpedo. Due to addiction to this greasy, nutrient-free diet, celebrity Michael Jackson is also afflicted with Kroc's Syndrome, though in his case, intervention and a stay in a Hollywood rehab clinic were able to save him before the final effects of the disease appeared.

[edit] Metahuman Abilities

Ronald stars in a fighting game of epically delicious proportions.

Ronald's human mask: not convincing.

Ronald McDonald can shoot hot beef tallow from his fingertips. And other places as well.
Ronald McDonald can splatter hot diarrhea on command.
Ronald McDonald dispenses Shamrock Shakes from his big red nipples.
Ronald McDonald can lower your cholesterol.
Ronald McDonald can shake his junk at speeds previously only attained by male strippers on Crystal Meth, which says all kinds of weird shit about him.
Ronald McDonald specifically created Double Quarter Pounders with Cheese with 5th dimensional vibrations to save your soul.

[edit] Advertising

McDonald's recently released the gayest fucking commercial in history to push their shitty chicken nuggets on impressionable urban youth. As watching the following may cause fits of uncontrollable rage, viewer discretion is advised:

Chicken McNuggets

McDonalds have recently tried to reinforce their filthy American influences in the Japanese market by pushing a marketing campaign featuring the most fucked up mascot of all time, Ronald McDonald. The Japanese peoples have reacted to this intrusion into their culture by doing what the Japanese do best - turning everything into a surrealistic nightmare that would give any normal person a psychological complex. However, since Japanese children are brought up in a society where suicide is more commonplace than breathing, they are largely unaffected by mind-fucking surrealism, and so the results are more horrifically creepy than any Western person could ever hope to achieve.

Ronald's Ran Ran Ru

... and again. McRoll'd

Drag Queens eat McDonalds too.

[edit] Nobel prize nomination

In 2007, because of the jews, McDonald's missed out on winning a Nobel peace prize by a width of cunt hair.

Comments by judges on McDonald's: "for their efforts to feed financially disadvantaged families and children around the world by providing affordable food that even generously exceeds vital nutrition, and to lay the foundations for the potential diabetic communities"

The prize went to the Emperor of the Moon and inventor of the Internets for his work on the introduction of mess hysteria of slightly warmer climate all over the places.

[edit] Gallery

Typical McDonald's customers.	Mcdonald's will increase your bust size, and everything else.	Is Mayor McCheese gonna hafta choke a bitch?	McFlapps, when you just can't get any.
Typical McDonald's Chicken McNugget.	The new Ronald McDonald, even moar ghey than before.	Ronald's sister. Do want.	P-p-p-pedophile
Recently, Ronald totally flipped out and went on a murderous rampage all through McDonaldland when he realized his hamburgers would always suck. . .	. . . leading to his arrest for murder.	At McDonalds resistance is futile	Ronald getting some action.
Even men turn him on. Ronald's expression says it all.	Azns rikey the bigmac-y	The restaurant of choice for Nigras.	Nigras "rollin", in McD colours
A picture from McDonald's recent pornography line.	LOL WUT.	What to do when you don't have enough money to get hamburgers.	Which to hate MOAR, animu or Ronald...
Can't beat the feeling