Metal Gear Solid
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Released in October, 1998, on the Sony Playstation, Metal Gear Solid is an game that remains popular even today, because sequels have been more irritating. The main objective of the game is to hide around corners, until oddly incompetent guards look the opposite direction whilst watching cut-scenes and reading CODEC conversations ALL THE TIME. This is half as fun as hiding in alleyways looking for women to rape, minus the actual thrill.
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[edit] The Game
Like any Japanese game that is commercially successful in the US, it spawned a massive cult-following that still believes it to be perfect, even when having to change the temperature of a fucking keycard. However, it gains kudos for actually having a more cliched plot than a Steven Seagal movie, and still being considered deep and meaningful. The story revolves around a uber-cool bloke called Solid Snake who is kidnapped by the US Government and forced to take down a former Black-ops group called FOXHOUND. Or “For Original X-rated Hardcore, Oral Underage Nigra Dick” for short. This is a fact. This involves running around behind boxes when people aren’t looking.
FOXHOUND, led by Liquid Snake – who has the same face as Solid Snake – have taken over a base in the middle of nowhere, that happens to hold lots of Nuclear weapons. It also has *shock* the Metal Gear of the title there! Snake has to save the day by stopping it. This creates much lulz simply that the Japanese have out American-ed the Americans in shitty plots. It is revealed in the game that there is a METAL GEAR on the island. Even though it was in the title.
During saving the world, Snake meets Meryl Silverburgh and has as much of a love connection with her as an emotionally stunted Japanese man can program, which is almost exactly equal to none. They love each other because she has a great butt. As he progresses, he meets a Ninja who is also a robot, who is also a human. He demands that Snake hurts him. So you proceed to punch him and kick him as he screams in ecstasy for more. Example: "Now! Make me feel it! Make me feel alive again!" & "Hurt me more!" After he fucks off, Snake goes "THATWASGRAYFOX?!!" Like we care. He meets Otacon, an anime fag who designed Metal Gear. He is Jewish and also pisses himself in a locker. He also goes "METAL GEAR?"
Snake is then instructed to look at asses for a while, while searching for Meryl. Eventually, he finds her, and she proceeds to strip off in the bathroom. Snake merely watches while playing with his guns.. They talk about "METAL GEAR?!" Then they go through some caves, which is the best bit of the game (according to Furries because wolves yelp and howl, bite you and urinate on you. This reminds them of their weekend.
Thus, Snake proceeds defeating freaks with guns from FOXHOUND, whilst listening to cod-philosophy from people that take longer to die than Willem Dafoe in Platoon and enduring the horror of endless CODEC sequences. All say "METAL GEAR?!" From now, the plot follows the typical twists and turns that plots do, revealing that... Master Miller is dead, Liquid Snake is impersonating him, Snake, who is actually a clone of a clone of a clone of a clone of Big Boss, has been infected with FoxDie, Naomi Hunter is Gray Fox's adoptive sister... You find all this out through CODEC, which have no emotion or drama.
He eventually finds Metal Gear is active and he has to blow it up. He blows it up. Now he HAS TO confront Liquid Snake – now revealed to be his brother. They go topless and slap each other on top of a robot, making “Ugh-Ugh-Ahh” noises. Then he escapes and then Liquid Snake dies of FoxDie. Snake drives off into the sunset either with Meryl for a week of hot loving sex in Cancun, Mexico, or with Otacon to a gay trip through Thailand's transvestite bars - depending on whether one has failed hard at the torture part or not, since Ocelot eventually rapes Meryl to death. Apparently, this is not cliche.
Spoiler Alert: the above text contains plot and/or ending details
[edit] Characters
Some contended that Metal Gear Solid had the GREATESTCHARACTERSEVAR!, some even saying it had the depth of classic films. Here's a summary.
[edit] Solid Snake
Metal Gear?! It can't be!
Not bad, for a rookie.
I don't need a handkerchief… I don't have any more tears to shed.
METAL GEAR?!?
I'm just a man who's good at what he does: killing.
A name means nothing on a battlefield. After a week, no one has a name.
Metal Gear?! It can't be! (~~Oh it is!)
I'm gonna proceed and kill everyone! That will solve the solution! But as I do it, I will lament on how killing is bad!
LIQUID?!?
METAL GEAR?!?
Liquid?!? I'm your cloned brother! That sucks.
Meryyyyyyyyl!
Call me Dave. (Dave as in David Hayter his voice actor, LOL GET IT!!!11?!?!?11)
Funnily enough, he becomes a Philosopher in MGS2.
[edit] Otacon
This is like one of my Japanese animes!
Can love bloom on a battlefield?
LOOK OUT SNAKE THERE ARE 4 GUYS CLOAKED IN THERE WITH YOU!!
I wanted to make robots just like the ones in the animes. (See kids, this is why weeaboos should never EVAR become technical engineers.)
You mean Metal Gear was designed to launch nukes?
WHYYYYY WOLLFFF?
[edit] Colonel Cambell
I've got it! Plug in the controller from port one into port two! That way he won't be able to read your mind!
[edit] Gray Fox
HURT ME, SNAKE! I HAVEN'T FELT PAIN LIKE THAT IN A LONG TIME!
[edit] Psycho Mantis
So, you like fighting games? You must like playing Super Smash Bros. Melee, don't you?
Put the controller down and watch as I move it!
Let me read your memory card. What?! There's no memory card!
HA HA!! Rumble is back!!
[edit] Gameplay
Metal Gear Solid has very interesting gameplay. These videos exhibit the classic gameplay in full.
Part One, Removed from JewTube due to BAWWWing, Original [1]
Part Two, Same as above [2]
Also, Metal Gear Awesome basically describes MGS's gameplay.
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Metal Gear Solid is part of a series on Gaming. |
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