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Mexico
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Mexico is the land of strange hallucinogenic chili peppers, sand, and sometimes nachos.
[edit] History
At least Last Thursday, the ancient Mayans moved to Mexico, which was a big fucking mistake. They were savage people living a savage lifestyle; they would slice off peoples cocks with leaf blowers and eat them just to appease the "Sun God." They created a disorganized, disgruntled group of small villages completely lacking any contact with the outside world. For México, things went downhill from there. In the 16th century the Aztecs were quickly and completely pwned by the Spanish, while the Mayans had their own land for the next 170 years (and still live there, frequently gibbering about the glory of human sacrifice). The Mayans think that this makes them cool, but really it was because the Aztecs had all the gold, while all the Mayans had was a bunch of boring het slashfic about their feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl. The term "Mexican" is actually a misnomer and a crude generalization since Mexicans can come from Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua, Bolivia and other such places where brown people practice ritual sacrifice to their voodoo gods.
In the 19th century, Texas was stolen from Mexico by white people who later handed it over to the United States, which then promptly invaded the rest of Mexico, thus conquering what would become several other states. In doing so, the U.S. accidentally took over New Mexico, which the U.S. has unsuccessfully been trying to give back for 150 years. Mexicans are dirty scumbags, and as we all know, were responsible for WTC, along with their companions in faggotry, the Portuguese.
[edit] Geography
Mexico is under the United States, because it is the bitch.
[edit] Present
Currently Mexico is in a sad state of teh dramaz and lulz. El Presidente is giving the beaners maps, first aid kits, water, condoms, fake IDs, and green cards to make it in the US.
Mexico is still the only place to hide shit like drugs, guns, and whores. Currently, over 90% of Americans use Mexico to put or dump their shit, making Mexico the garbage dump of the world.
Teenage Mexicans are whining about being sent back to MEH-HI-KO because their fucktarded ancestors jumped the border and shat out little illegal immigrants. Be warned that if asked whether you support them being sent back or not, that stating the negative will result in nachos and tacos being thrown at you. Of course, supporting the other side will result in you being labeled Un-American.
[edit] Beaner Creation Myth
Beaners believe in the ancient Aztec myth that a Caucasian God by the name of Quetzalcoatl took a huge shit that was full of bits and pieces of corn. The shit was so big and dry that it ripped the linings of his godly anus, causing severe bleeding. The combination of shit, corn, and blood spawned a beaner. Unlike most myths, this one is true.
[edit] Recipe for Beaners
Takes: 2 - 3 days Items needed: corn, needles, a spoon
- Eat nothing but corn for 2 days.
- On the second or third day (depending on the schedule of your bowel movements), shit somewhere dry (like a sidewalk).
- Unless your anus is already bleeding, poke it with needles.
- Make sure the blood drips on to your dung.
- Mix the dung and blood together with a spoon.
- You have successfully created a Mexican. Enjoy the cheap manual labor he will provide you!
[edit] E.Z.L.N.
Irl trolls, they're Mexico's cheap-ass version of Al Qaeda. Known as Zapatistas, they're what you get when you colonize a country but don't kill its Indians.
[edit] Hispanics are a Fertile People
Hispanics have a proven history of not just having lots of kids, but having them early. How early? Recently one in Brazil gave birth at nine (link to Fox News). The record, however, was set in 1939, when a five year, seven month old girl gave birth (link to snopes) and that means the baby was conceived when she was four. At that age, not even the least endowed Japanese child molester could do the deed, so some argue it was from semen in a hot tub. This is why you always must have your pools and hot tubs chlorinated when a Mexican drops by.
[edit] People named Jesús
Of all the countries in the world, Mexico is the only one trashy and dumb enough to have whores name their children "Jesús." These malformed shitheads should not be confused with the real Jesus, who died for your sins on the mechanical bull so that we might all be saved from virginity. You can easily distinguish them by that weird fucking thing on the ú, which some argue is the mark of the Devil. Stupid fucking mexicans amirite?!
[edit] Mexicans in America
You can't deny it. There's a shit-load of fucking corn-loving aliens in the U.S. Seriously. Here's how it works: Their women come here, get pregnant, and live off the US Government for the rest of their lives. The men, on the other hand, come here to either sell drugs or cut your grass.
Mexicans make up 92.3% of low class prostitutes in the USA, selling taco flavored kisses in order to make their way in a country that hates their faggot guts.
[edit] Mexicans in America 2: The Movie
Well since there are a shit-load of them here, a lot of them are trying to become more "American." So what do they do? Well, they buy Hollister clothes, celebrate Thanksgiving, and use the word "dude" all the time. If you wanna see a good example of this you should visit a shit-hole state named Texas. Seriously, it's fucking pathetic seeing all these fucking dark Mexicans with bad English trying to be white by wearing Hollister and constantly using the word "dude". Stupid beaners, not even the Americans look good with those shitty clothes, why do they even try?
[edit] Mexicans in America 3: The Reality Show
America's first choice of music is, by far, (c)rap thanks to all the excessive niggers and wiggers. So, in order to look "badass," they listen to rap and claim to love it (even if they don't understand a fuck of it). Face it beaners, rap blows ass, and when you listen to it you only look gayer, rather than "Más Americano."
[edit] Mexican Weather
As a direct result of all the lawnmowers being mass produced in factories all over Mexico, the weather is usually very hot and dry. However, the vast number of Taco Bells all over the shit hole provide a cool shade that provides the darkness needed for half the population to find victims to rape in secrecy. The other half, naturally, are the ones being raped.
[edit] Absolut Lulz
Recently, the Swedish vodka company "Absolut" ran a controversial magazine/billboard ad in which they displayed a map of the borders of the United States and Mexico in the early 1800s prior to European conquest. On top of this map was the caption, "In an Absolut World" with a bottle of vodka sitting in the corner. What this has to do with alcohol is beyond anyone's imagination, but it's not like commercials ever try to make sense, anyway. Naturally, the ad only ran in Mexico - and as such, it was perfectly reasonable for a fuckton of Americans to get butthurt and demand that the ad be pulled from circuit. Absolut, feeling both public pressure and troll's remorse, bitched out and pulled the ad. Absolut did this due mainly to the fact that they didn't want to lose their American market, which is much more important than the Mexican market, since Mexicans only drink Tequila and Corona, anyway. Of course, the entire incident was pretty much pointless since there are no Mexicans left in Mexico, as they have all hopped the fence already.
So, on one side of the inevitable showdown of stupidity is the group of fucktards that claim the ad is disrespectful to Americans and that the Absolut company is run by a bunch of left-wing terrorist supporters. And then there's the equally fucktarded opposition, composed primarily of hippies and beaners, who like to yell about freedom of speech, stolen territory, and a bunch of other bullshit about which nobody wants to hear. Below are some links to ensuing shitstorm, replete with drama, lulz, and retardation.
[edit] Jewtube
- Some senile old farts discuss the topic on CNN
- Absolut apologizes
- To err is human, to forgive is Un-American
[edit] Fact of the Day
Villian Khan from Star Trek was in fact a Mexican. Trek producers were trying to find a really scary racial stereotype and rejected a Viking, a Borg, and a Nazi before settling on Khan as we know him today. In the episode "Viva Khaaan!!!!," Khan (real name Rodolfo Neri Vela [1] ) is Mexico's first (and subsequently only) astronaut who in 1985 steals the Space Shuttle Atlantis, and then tries to steal the Enterprise from gringo Captain Kirk after a three century siesta. In a historical cross-cultural TV love scene Khan is permitted to kiss a ginger, an act of miscegenation not repeated until "Desperate Housewives." In actuality, there are no Mexicans on any of the Startrek episodes because, as one could guess, Mexicans don't want to work in the future either.
[edit] Career options
- Accidental Republican fundraiser
- Aztec high priest
- Bad comedian
- Criminal
- Day laborer
- Drug dealer
- Failure of a comedian
- Fruit vendor
- Gardener
- Tiger feeder
- Lazy assistant to white high school Spanish teacher
- Low budget cartoon character
- Midget for hire
- Professional job thief
- Politician/Cheater
- Rapist
- Shooting range target
- Showgirl (may or may not have yellow feathers placed in or around her hair)
- Slave
- Welfare recipient
- Roadside flower pusher
- Torero
- Worker at Taco Bell
- CEO of Australia's leading telephone company (Sol Trujillo - Mexican-American Businessman)
- Janitor
- Illegal Immigrant
- Frito Bandito
- 4chan admin
- Graffiti "Artist"
- Sex Slave
- Faggot
[edit] Gallery
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