Mexico
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Mexico is the land of hallucinogenic chili peppers, tequila, nachos and swine influenza. And, of course, the Mexicans.
History
At least 100 years ago, the ancient Mayans moved to Mexico, which was a big fucking mistake. They were savage people living a savage lifestyle; they would slice off people's cocks with leaf blowers and eat them just to appease the "Sun God". They created a disorganized, disgruntled group of small villages lacking any contact with the outside world, and things quickly went downhill from there. In the 16th century, the Aztecs were utterly pwned by the Spanish, though the Mayans kept their own land for the next 170 years (and live there still, kidnapping the odd tourist and gibbering about the glory of human sacrifice). The Mayans like to think of themselves as pretty cool, but really it was the Aztecs that had all the gold, while all the Mayans had was a bunch of boring het slashfic about their feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl.
The term "Mexican" (more like Mexican't, amirite?) is actually a misnomer and a crude generalization, since Mexicans can come from Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua and other places where the brown man performs ritual sacrifices to his voodoo gods.
In the 19th century, Texas was stolen from Mexico by white people who later handed it over to the United States. Knowing opportunity when he saw it, whitey then invaded the rest of Mexico, acquiring what would become several other states. It was during this period that the U.S. accidentally captured New Mexico, which the U.S. has unsuccessfully been trying to give back for 150 years.
Modern Mexicans are a strange race, adept at copyright violation and masked wrestling dropping dead due to swine flu. While there have been few examples of Mexican celebrities finding overseas success, prominent Mexican citizen Chupacabra enjoyed brief fame in the 1990s. And of course, there's always Ricardo Montalban.
Last Thursday Mexico became the birth place of swine flu, when Mexico City pig fuckers fucked a pig with 4 difference flues, then effectively infecting half of Mexico city over night, after 100 spics dropped dead the Mexican Government started closing fucking everything to prevent it from spreading, after which the beaners infected over 9,000 eurofags, and a few Jews, and has spread from Russia to Peru to Canada to Israel effectively fucking over the whole of mankind.
Geography
Mexico is located under the United States, as it is the U.S.'s pedestal.
Present
Modern Mexico is in a sad, lulz-less state. In the late 1990s, the ruling PRI government began distributing maps, first aid kits and fake IDs to select households to encourage the systematic immigration of the entire populace to the United States, an initiative dubbed "Vete a la Chingada de Aquí." In the interim, Mexico is used primarily as a storehouse for drugs, guns and whores. Especially whores. It is also where over 90% of Americans dump their shit, making Mexico the garbage dump of the world (just behind Detroit).
Illegal immigrants that are apprehended by the man are invariably sent back to Mexico (or Meh-hi-ko, as it is pronounced in their primitive tongue). While many favor this initiative, the resulting labor shortage would force whitey to do all those jobs typically filled by the Mexican, actually getting his hands dirty with work in the janitorial, landscaping or lunch-serving fields. As we all know that will never happen, U.S. officials currently have a "revolving door" border policy with Mexico, meaning that once deported, illegal immigrants are free to sneak back over when no one is looking (but not when noone is looking).
The major industries in Mexico have stepped up to deal with poverty in their land, though. Last year major drug cartels, bored with just running shit brick weed and trained professionals across the border, wanted to show they cared, so they decided to sponsor Mexican Idol, in which over 9,000 contestants have to chop off their competitor's heads and stick them in coolersleaving them by the side of the road to show how hardcore he is. The beaner who makes it to the end gets an 8ball of crack and a lifetime contract for making music with major government officials.
Mexican Intelligence
"Mexican intelligence" is, in fact, an oxymoron, since the intellect of your average Crisco pumper falls somewhere between that of a dead goat and the lube said dirty used to insert into its butthole his unwashed (and uncircumcised) schlong.
Scientists have speculated that the brain dead look on a Mexican's face (see picture) is due to a complete lack of the part of the human brain responsible for self-awareness and common sense. They all are also politically and socially behind.
Experimentation has revealed that the closest any other race can come to experiencing what the brain of a beaner feels like is to be bludgeoned in the head with a lead pipe until delirious and on the fringe of going into a coma. This constant state of delirium is the reason why Mexico is a shit hole and nothing is or can be done right in cities where these members of the sub-human race are a majority.
How to troll Mexicans
IRL:
- Call them chicanos (seriously, they get really angry).
- Throw tacos at their faces.
- Say that "el santo" is gay (Mexican pedo-wrestler).
- Tell them how good is to be legal in a country.
- Ask them for tips to cross illegally to other countries.
- Tell them to zerg rush another country.
- Ask them why do they dress like niggers (fucking cholos).
When A Mexican Fights Back
Image:Mexican_fightback_fail_lol.JPG
(Notice he gets pwned after every comment, but he still wants fight, stupid mexican.
Beaner Creation Myth
Beaners (an honorific term for a Mexican, one that praises the healthy tint of his skin) believe that they are the children of Quetzalcoatl, the Aztec sky and creation god. The truth, however, is that they are the product of their parents fucking. And those Mexicans do a lot of fucking, amirite? It is, however, possible to artificially create a "Messican", a sub-set of the Mexican race. Damn bean eating bastards.
Recipe for Messicans (Serves 1)
Takes: 2 - 3 days. Items needed: maize, needles, spoon, 2-3 drops of blood.
- Eat nothing but corn for 2 days.
- On the second or third day (depending on the schedule of your bowel movements), take a large dump somewhere dry, like a sidewalk or behind the house of your neighbor with that goddamn barking dog.
- Add blood, preferably blood from your pooper.
- Mix with spoon.
- Utter the traditional battle cry, "Brrrryahahaaaa!"
- ????
- Congratulations, you have successfully created a Messican. Enjoy the cheap manual labor he will provide you!
E.Z.L.N.
Irl trolls, and Mexico's discount version of Al Qaeda. Known as Zapatistas, they are what you get when you colonize a country but don't kill its Indians (which is always a bad move).
Mexicans are a Fertile People
Mexicans have a proven history of having kids - lots of them, and early. How early? Recently, one in Brazil gave birth to nine. (Link to Fox News, well known for its journalistic integrity.) The record, however, was set in 1939, when a five-year, seven-month-old girl gave birth, meaning she must've gotten bizzay when she was four. When entertaining a Mexican at home, it is always important to first inquire whether or not he or she intends to have sex with you or your children, as (much like the Japanese), fornication is simply a polite way of saying hello.
People named Jesús
You may be surprised to find that in Mexico, there is Jesus. Not the Jesus, but "Jesús", a common male name. While the two names initially appear similar, note that the Mexican version places a mark above the "u" (the meaning of which continues to puzzle linguists), and that the pronunciation is similar to "HAY-zoos". Some believe this is actually a corruption of "Hey, Zeus" and that the name began as a plea to the thunderbolt-wielding serial rapist from Greek mythology. Others think "ú" is simply a typo.
Mexicans in America
There's no denying it: there's a whole bunch of corn-loving, crop circle-making aliens in the U.S. Srsly. Statistics indicate that Mexicans make up 92.3% of the low-end prostitutes in the U.S.A., selling taco-flavored kisses to make their way in a country that seems to be turning increasingly browner...
Mexicans in America 2: The Movie
Once in America, many Mexicans attempt to become more "American". This is accomplished mainly by buying Hollister clothes, celebrating Thanksgiving, and always using the word "dude". A good example of this can be found in Texas, specifically the city of San Antonio, which scientists overwhelmingly agree is in need of a good bombing. These same scientists are also puzzled by why the noticeably darker Mexicans (when compared with whitey) with bad English would think that wearing Hollister and constantly using the word "dude" would make them appear more "white", but it adds to their desire to see San Antonio bombed. It is a fact.
Mexicans in America 3: The Reality Show
America's first choice of music is overwhelmingly (c)rap (thank you, niggers, wiggers and chiggers. Your mother would be proud). Mexicans often listen to rap to appear "badass" and even profess to love it. The problem of not actually understanding English, however, was something of a problem, until enterprising young Mex-Americans created Spanish (or Spanglish) rap. Unfortunately, this is even gayer than original rap. It is in fact so gay that the only thing gayer is French rap, which is humiliatingly gay.
Mexican Weather
As a direct result of all the lawnmowers being produced in factories across Mexico, the weather is usually hot and dry. However, the vast number of Taco Bells provide a cool shade, as well as a welcome darkness for half of Mexico's population to have sex and/or rape in privacy. The other half, of course, are the ones being raped.
How to Mexico
- Flee your shitty country because it is so horrible.
- Do not assimilate into new country's culture.
- Burden social welfare system until it collapses.
- Purposefully mold your community into a replica of the place that you fled!
- Eat beans
- ????
- PROFIT
Absolut Lulz
Recently, the Swedish vodka company "Absolut" ran a controversial magazine/billboard ad in which they displayed a map of the borders of the United States and Mexico in the early 1800s prior to European Anglo-American conquest. On top of this map was the caption "In an Absolut World", with a bottle of vodka sitting in the corner. What this has to do with alcohol is beyond anyone's imagination, but it's not like commercials ever try to make sense, anyway. Like pussies, Absolut only ran the ad in Mexico, but enterprising Americans found out about it and immediately felt butthurt, demanding that the ad be pulled from circuit. Absolut, feeling both public pressure and troll's remorse, yanked the ad like the faggots they are. They did this mainly because they didn't want to lose their American market, which is much important to them (silly Absolut - the Mexicans can't afford your liquor. Besides, all they drink is Tequila and Corona.)
While the incident was soon forgotten, evidence of this long-ago, brutal skirmish remains on the internets. On the one side of the Showdown of Stupidity were the fucktards who claimed the ad was disrespectful to Americans and that Absolut was run by a bunch of left-wing t'rrist supporters; on the other was the equally fucktarded opposition, composed mainly of hippies and beaners who like to yell about freedom of speech, stolen territory, and all that other shit that people just start to tune out after a while. Below are some links to Absolut-gate, replete with drama, lulz, and retardation.
YouTube
- Some senile old farts discuss the topic on CNN.
- Absolut apologizes
- To err is human, to forgive is Un-American.
- The Federal Beaner Investigation in action.
Fact of the Day
Villain Khan from Star Trek was in fact a Mexican. Trek producers were trying to find a really scary racial stereotype and rejected a Viking, a Borg, and a Nazi before settling on Khan as we know him today. In the episode "Viva Khaaan!!!!", Khan (real name: Rodolfo Neri Vela [1]) is Mexico's first (and subsequently only) astronaut, who in 1985 steals the Space Shuttle Atlantis, and then tries to steal the Enterprise from gringo Captain Kirk after a three-century siesta. In a historical cross-cultural TV love scene, Khan is permitted to kiss a ginger, an act not repeated until Desperate Housewives. In actuality, there are no Mexicans on any of the Star Trek episodes because, as one could guess, Mexicans don't want to work in the future either.
A Mexican's Career Options
- 4chan admin
- Aztec High Priest
- Bassist for Metallica
- Bullfighter
- Criminal
- Day Laborer
- Donkey Show Star
- Drug Dealer
- Fruit Vendor
- Gardener
- Gum Salesman
- Graffiti "Artist"
- Home Depot CEO
- Illegal Immigrant
- Janitor
- Lazy Assistant to White High School Spanish Teacher
- Low-budget Cartoon Character
- Luchador
- Midget-for-Hire
- Politician/Cheater
- Professional Job Thief
- Roadside Flower Pusher
- Roadside Windshield Cleaner
- THIS
- Tiger Feeder
- Very Bad Comedian
- Welfare Recipient
- Whore
- Worker at Taco Bell
- Parent of
83(Swine Flu) 82 children from one women
Gallery
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See Also
- Lazy
- Alcohol
- Inciclopedia
- Poop.mov
- Spics
- User:Ivanflr
- California
- Roberto Madrazo's Berlin Marathon Cheat
- Mexican AIDS
- Pakis - The Britfag equivalent of Mexicans.
External Links
- Authentic Mexican food
- Best video game ever.
- lol Mexicans
- Some Mexicans deserve to be shot.
- The First Lady welcomes Mexican Immigrants on the official Page of the White House.
- Typical Mexican Video
- Illegal Alien Vs. Predator
- El Mariachi
- Desperado
- Once Upon a Time in Mexico
- You just fucked with the wrong Mexican
- Mexicans trying to get away from the Border Patrol
