Mic Gooflander
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Mic is the resident sad sack of IMDb. This sad, pathetic excuse for a human being currently resides on The Soapbox in the bowels of IMDb. When I say resides, I mean resides. He spends all night arguing about unimportant shit, then sleeps through the day. Lets face it, it’s not like he has anything to do during the day is it? Or friends to visit.
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[edit] General Unworthiness
When Mic gets an idea in his head, you are definitely going to hear about it, again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again until he feels he has enough attention. He will then self-delete, to only return less than an hour later to claim he did it to make a point. The point being, that he is worthless.
[edit] Attention Seeking
Mic generally makes threads on The Soapbox about how unloved he is (and he is, by all). This is to get other posters to feel sorry for him, stroke his head, and give him a treat, so he can go on blithering on about the importance of nothing.
Here is an example of one of his latest threads;
I've been thinking about this, and I never appear on many favourite poster lists. I was wondering whether this was a good reason to pack it in and stop posting (if only it were that easy!). Some people create such voluminous lists, that's it's pretty much a given that they don't value any of the posters that are not listed. So if one is not valued, and one doesn't fit into such a culture that allows their own assets to be valued, is that a reason to just leave the rest of them to it, or should I persevere?
I always have thread ideas that I don't post recently, because normally I just figure 'why bother'? Everyone will take the facetious bits literally, misunderstand the motive for posting it, and generally the thread will just sink.
This is mostly just a thought exercise, because it's not as easy as just deciding to stop posting.
Mic is a sad case. He seems to actually take The Soapbox as if it is real life. Which is fine, because The Soapbox is Mic's life. When normal people turn off the computer, they get on with their life. Mic turns off the computer, and has a panic attack that someone may be talking about him.
[edit] Race
One of the most racist individuals on The Soapbox, the first being Jack_L_Straw and the second being eeffoc, he feels that if he says that he wants to lose his virginity (oh yes folks, he’s a virgin at 24) to a black man, he’ll be OK. In losing his virginity, mic has indicated he would endulge in faggotry and the sort of buttsecks that lead to his spawning. Just as long as said black man, is not Scottish. Not like that will ever happen mind you as there is no such thing according to Mic. Also, black people talk differently due to the fact that they have thick lips, according to Mic.
However, if a black Scotsman DID exist, then Mic made it perfectly clear, that he and his hypothetical friends would share a snigger or two.
[edit] Sex
As mentioned, Mic, is in fact, a virgin. He first told everyone he was bisexual but then eventually came out as gay. Presumably since no women would touch him. I mean, come on ladies, would you want to? The chat up line “what is your IQ?” wouldn’t work on most. He hopes to lose his virginity to JetBlackFreedomFighter the next time he makes a trip since he seems to be the only individual who actually likes him.
Lulz he is a dick. One of his previous signature lines was, "I wish every day could be negro day!" quoted from the smash hit, Hairspray. If he saw Hairspray, that makes him even gayer than he was before. Well, that means, folks, that he wants to lose his virginity to a black man. I know, I couldn't believe it myself. Oh well, Mic is a stupid attention whore / troll who infects the Soapbox about his sex.
[edit] Intelligence
Mic is a firm believer on the “I have an IQ, therefore I’m better than you” shit. He seems to think that being able to use the word "bereft" instead of "lack" makes him worthy of the world. No, it doesn’t.
For some one who claims to be intelligent he is as dumb as a bag of hammers. Not just any bag of hammers but a bag of MC Hammers. He likes to use $5 words in a $2 conversation, incorrectly usually.
[edit] The Promised Land
Mic seems to hate where he is from, and anywhere in the vicinity, claiming that his surroundings are the reason to blame for his poor excuse for a life. The promised land is America or Canada. I urge all Americans and Canadians who do not wish to slip into a coma, to avoid Mic at all costs. He is a living, breathing Jigglypuff from Pokemon. Like Mic, Jigglypuffs put people to sleep. However, unlike Mic, Jigglypuffs are likeable.
[edit] Mic’s Guide To Message Board Standards
Mic feels that he knows exactly how everyone should post on internet forums. Some of his ‘rules’ are;
- Thou shalt not use emoticons incorrectly.
- Thou shalt not be an adult and walk away from a pointless argument.
- Thou shalt call all slanging matches "debates".
- Thou shalt not use copy and paste
There are many more.
Mic's self worth is measured by the number of responses he gets on The Soapbox. Any response to a copy and paste thread or a youtube thread doesn't count as it is not 'original' and not up to the word count standard of at least 300 words for an OP.
[edit] Mic's Detective Agency
Mic, fancies himself as a bit of a detective into who is who on IMDb. His idea is, that if a poster uses words and emoticons that other posters use, that makes it ‘obvious’ that they are another poster. Most new posters according to Mic, are either VomisaCaasi or paulus_the_wood_gnome.
Once he has been told who someone may be, he will pretend to have came to that conclusion himself, even though it is clear, that he did not. However, no matter how many times he is proved wrong, he will still not leave you alone, so if he accuses you of being anyone, just agree.
[edit] Mic's Friends
MIA
[edit] Mic's Family
Mic makes constant reference to his father's muesli eating habits. This is, however, nothing more than a way to shield himself from the horror of watching his mother eat her breakfast.
[edit] Mic's Mental Health Issues
There has been a great deal of speculation as to Mic's mental health status with diagnoses of Asperger's syndrome to simple social retardation. The truth is that Mic is simply a retarded attention whore. One might add a clueless retarded attention whore. Which is even more sad since this type of attention whore thinks they are popular when in fact not a single person takes his side. When they do it is only to show case his retardedness for others to laugh at.
Further evidence of his hopelessness:
When informed of this page his comment was "Hey! Someone actually cared enough about me to spend all that time doing that..." How sad does one have to be to think this is a compliment?
Not only that, but when someone asked if he was pissed off, his response was "I've wanted to get on ED for ages." Truly a sad case of retardation.
[edit] Where To Find Mic’s Trolling
However, if you want to report the shit out of him (which I suggest since it will make him cry like a pussy, delete his account, then lurk to see if he’s made a point), you can just see his profile.
You can also find him on The Lounge [2]. This is a private message board set up by another poster from The Soapbox. It basically consists of retarded idiots like flamingo who bitch and whine about the people from IMDb. Many were hoping this would become Mic's new home, but sadly, once he's not getting the attention he needs to fill his quota, he trolls on The Soapbox again.
[edit] This Just In
Mic recently had an appreciation thread done for him on The Soapbox by the resident drunken bitch, Paper_Tigers. However, much Lulz for the internets was had as the only people to reply to the thread were Mic himself, and Paper_Tigers in reply.
The Lounge has hit a new low as they have created a board just for Mic. It is a histrionics board, or sad, pathetic attention whore board. Mic's retardation has hit new heights.
Mic talking about himself: "I kind of love myself...I think I'm a really awesome super cool, wonderfully nice person."
Mic agrees with Paper_Tigers that you shouldn't have secks until you are 45. For everyone else, this would be a tragedy. For mic, it's a form of hope.
Mic has been doing what he does best again, being a retard. Much lulz was created as he has been spending the past two nights explaining that if you are being raped, you should just ignore it until it goes away, as it is only a minor inconvenience. But if someone has the same name as you, that should not be tolerated.
[edit] Usernames
Mic has a habit of changing his username to show that he has a character. He fails. Here are some of his previous usernames:
mic_wallflower
mic_gooflander
mic_was_a_gooflander (an attempt to convey his "sense of humor")
Fluffy_Pastelander
Pasty_McBoot
gooflander_interruptus
Po-Faced_The_Clown
u_no_like_mic
DrMichaelPBanal
mic_meek_and_mild
RatherBigNose
miccy_no_mates
mic_the_booby_poster
mic_the_disgruntled
mics_new_screenname
mic222
miccy_no-mates222
less_than_a_pearl
mic_unlisted
Feckless_Endangerment
mic_everlasting
[edit] See Also
| Mic Gooflander is part of a series on IMDb | People
Blondie xoxo • Buttercup Duck • Claudy Tu • Darrentmail • goffikgurl • goodgirl_666 • WickedPrincess Boards IMDb message boards •The Soapbox •The Dark Knight IMDb Board |
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