Mortal Kombat
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Mortal Kombat (originally titled Mortal Cumbath) is a Kung Fu game featuring a cast of shit characters who have, over the course of at least 100 years, failed to develop at all, with every character in the game retaining the exact same fucking basic movelist since the first game. Mortal Kombat is notorious for having millions of fun and creative secret codes that don't actually work or exist, successfully suckering fans into playing the same game their entire lives to search for the code allowing Johnny Cage to to complain about the cost of his shades mid-match.
Notable Characters
- Liu Kang: Annoying azn with the ability to shoot fireballs and destroy eardrums at will with his annoying screams. The first fighting game protagonist to actually fuck up and get killed.
- Johnny Cage: Brings a unique sense of style and familiarity to the table by wearing shades. Does the splits and punches people in the nuts, making him by far one of the most disgraceful and underhanded characters to walk into the Mortal Kombat tournament.
- Sonya Blade: Was unable to master cooking when growing up, so her partner left her in her sleep. Uses the AIDS lips fatality to burn opponents alive with a mere kiss.
- Kano: Killed Sonya's partner. Why this has anything to do with entering the tournament is a secret be revealed only by defeating Goro ninety times in a row using only the block button while the "Special Effects Volume" set to 7.
- Sub-Zero: A ninja who shoots ice cold enough to freeze people. Should be able to win the tournament effortlessly with this ability, but somehow fucks it up and never wins and basically sucks cock in general.
- Scorpion: Sub Zero, only he throws spears while shouting "Get over here!" Needless to say, he has achieved immense popularity.
- Raiden: A thunder god who constantly has his ass kicked by the very mortals he oversees. Despite having control over lightning, his projectiles can be outrun by most athletes and can by no means travel at the speed of light. However, being the horny bastard that he is you can use a jump attack that is like 3 billion times faster then his lightning to rape unsuspecting kombatants. Additionally, you can touch him without being electrocuted, as the lightning that zips around his body does absolutely nothing. Is eventually fired by Al Gore for picking such shitty people to defend Earth.
- Goro: Four armed prince made of clay. Had a negro brother, however, Midway chose to keep this fact out of every single game released.
- Jax: "Gotcha!". Purple wearing negro with metal arms. Works with his parole officer Sonya Blade to keep his OUTRAGEOUS rape habit under the radar in exchange for pots, pans, and cleaning utensils.
- Kitana: Secretly old bitch who fights with two middle-school art projects that she got an F on. Has a flying punch move that makes absolutely no sense, and is Liu Kang's love-interest, making her an undeniable female pedophile when age ratios are taken into account.
- Mileena: Kitana's less fortunate twin sister who was unable to afford aging creams. Kills her opponents by eating a box of nails and spitting them into her opponents' faces.
- Kurtis Stryker: A riot cop who managed to become one of Raiden's Chosen Warriors. Has no super-human powers, yet manages to defeat other Kombatants with grenades, guns, and a nightstick, bringing many to wonder why Raiden didn't just send the U.S. Military to fight the forces of Shao Khan.
- Shang Tsung: A sorcerer with the ability to transform...but uses this ability to transform into the same weaklings he is out to destroy. Is never killed, yet the others continue to progress, therefore it can only be assumed that noone ever remembers to actually fight him once their business is taken care of.
- Noob Saibot: A double nigger born from the AIDS-infested loins of the two most badass people of all time, Ed Boon and John Tobias. Has the ability to shoot a spear made out of chicken and watermelon from his hands and uses his "black hole" to daze others. Likes to finish a fight off by having to choke a bitch and eating his spear.
- Kung Lao: Liu Kang's best friend, despite the fact that he usually ends up killing him. Has a sharp hat that splits people in half, which makes no sense since half the battle has him throwing the hat. For some reason it either just tears at their chest a little or it cuts their head off. IDK, this game makes no fucking sense.
- Jade: A ninja kombat whore that loves the color green and was a nigger in the original games. The only reason shes still a character is because the game developers are creating a lesbian relationship with her and kitana.
- Darrius A black stereotype guy whos into karate. Plus he sounds like a white guy in the games, seriously WTF?
- Quan Chi Another sorcerer and scorpion's punching bag. Hes supposed to be from some alien demon species called oni. He can also summon up green skulls and skull warriors.
Movie
Mortal Kombat was eventually made into a movie that performed surprisingly well in the box office. Until the release of the sequel which was full of AIDS and fail.
Why the movie sucked balls
Fatalities
Mortal Kombat featured unique ways of killing your opponents, such as tearing off a body part, burning off a body part, or hitting a body part really hard. Also included were Babalities, Animalities, Brutalities, Friendships, and sexalities.
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