Mortal Kombat
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Mortal Kombat (originally titled Mortal Cumbath) is a Kung Fu game featuring a cast of shit characters who have, over the course of at least 100 years, failed to develop at all, with every character in the game retaining the exact same fucking basic movelist since the first game. Mortal Kombat is notorious for having millions of fun and creative secret codes that don't actually work or exist, successfully suckering fans into playing the same game their entire lives to search for the code allowing Johnny Cage to to complain about the cost of his shades mid-match. It is also notorious for being dogshit in comparison to Street Fighter.
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[edit] Notable Characters
- Liu Kang: Annoying azn with the ability to shoot fireballs and destroy eardrums at will with his annoying screams. The first fighting game protagonist to actually fuck up and get killed.
- Johnny Cage: Brings a unique sense of style and familiarity to the table by wearing shades. Does the splits and punches people in the nuts, making him by far one of the most disgraceful and underhanded characters to walk into the Mortal Kombat tournament.
- Sonya Blade: Was unable to master cooking when growing up, so her partner left her in her sleep. Uses the AIDs lips fatality to burn opponents alive with a mere kiss. Has a sweaty vagina.
- Kano: Killed Sonya's partner. Why that has anything to do with entering the tournament is a complete mystery that can only be revealed by defeating Goro ninety times in a row pressing only the block button and having the "Special Effects Volume" set to exactly 7.
- Sub-Zero: A ninja who shoots ice cold enough to freeze people. Should be able to win the tournament effortlessly with this ability, but somehow fucks it up and never wins and basically sucks cock in general.
- Scorpion: Sub Zero, only he throws spears while shouting "Get over here!". Needless to say, he has achieved immense popularity.
- Raiden: A thunder god who constantly has his ass kicked by the very mortals he oversees. Despite having control over lightning, his projectiles can be outrun by most athletes and can by no means travel at the speed of light. Additionally, you can touch him without being electrocuted, as the lightning that zips around his body does absolutely nothing. Is eventually fired by Al Gore for picking such shitty people to defend Earth.
- Goro: Four armed clay prince. Had a negro brother, however, Midway chose to keep this fact out of every single game released.
- Jax: "Gotcha!". Purple wearing negro with metal arms. Works with his parole officer Sonya Blade to keep his OUTRAGEOUS rape habit under the radar in exchange for pots, pans, and cleaning utensils.
- Kitana: Secretly old bitch who fights with two middle-school art projects that she got an F on. Has a flying punch move that makes absolutely no sense, and is Liu Kang's love-interest, making her an undeniable female pedophile when age ratios are taken into account.
- Mileena: Kitana's less fortunate twin sister who was unable to afford aging creams. Kills her opponents by eating a box of nails and spitting them into her opponents' faces.
- Reptile: Dinosaur man with a long tongue and the ability to spit acid. If another Reptile is vulnerable to an Acid Spit, then why doesn't it eat his insides away? What kind of an attack is an Acid Spit anyway? Reptiles don't spit acid. Mortal Kombat is so fucking stupid.
- Kurtis Stryker: A riot cop who managed to become one of Raiden's Chosen Warriors. Has no super-human powers, yet manages to defeat other Kombatants with grenades, guns, and a nightstick, bringing many to wonder why Raiden didn't just send the U.S. Military to fight the forces of Shao Khan.
- Shang Tsung: A sorcerer with the ability to transform... but uses this ability to transform into the same weaklings he is out to destroy. Is never killed, yet the others continue to progress, therefore it can only be assumed that noone ever remembers to actually fight him once their business is taken care of.
- Noob Saibot: A double, double nigger, born from the Aids-infested loins of the two most badass people of all time, Ed Boon and John Tobais. Has the ability to shoot a spear made out of chicken and watermelon from his hands and uses his "black hole" to daze others. Likes to finish a fight off by having to choke a bitch and eating his spear.
[edit] Song
The Mortal Kombat song is made of win. It has been a proven fact that listening it to makes you an unbelievable fighter and makes your testicles 8 times bigger. How to listen to the song:
- Find someone weak and defensless or someone who deserves to get their ass kicked
- Play the song on your ipod
- Announce that you are CHARGING MAH LAZERZ.
- Turn the song up for MAXIMUM POWER. Make sure everyone can hear it despite wearing headphones.This makes you look cool to everyone.
- Fight. Be prepared to yell this outloud.
- Be sure to have a friend that speaks poor English to say "FINISH HIM"
- Don't get arrested. No one likes an hero.
Two emo fags attempts at being funny by doing a parody of the MK song. They failed and in doing so just made themselves look more gay.
[edit] Movie
Mortal Kombat was eventually made into a movie that performed surprisingly well in the Box Office. Untill the release of the sequel which was full of aids and fail.
[edit] Fatalities
Mortal Kombat featured unique ways of killing your opponents, such as tearing off a body part, burning off a body part, or hitting a body part really hard. Also included were Babalities, Animalities, Brutalities, and Friendships.
[edit] Present Day
Mortal Kombat currently exists as a 3D beta test game engine that is fan-modded every 3 years, featuring every Mortal Kombat character wearing fanart costumes while sharing the same twelve attacks among hundreds of redundant styles. Ed Boon has recently confirmed in interviews that he is, in fact, not yet done ruining what's left of Mortal Kombat.
Currently, a DC Comics crossover game with the Mortal Kombat series is in development, and of course, not an original idea. The game will undoubtedly fail because characters like Superman couldn't possibly look right fighting pussies like Johnny Cage. It's entirely possible to make this work, but Mortal Kombat will not.
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