Mrfetch/I hate being gay!
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
I hate being gay! by Paul A. Carnes
Being gay is the hardest endeavor that I have ever had to face. Since I was a young boy my attractions to guys has put me in a lesser place than my three older brothers because they are all straight. Unless you are gay, you will never know what it feels like being born into this world damned to hell (I personally think that gay people are not doomed to hell). I make that statement with the utmost respect. There are certain aspects of life that we can not understand unless we experience them in their wholeness. Vision is one of them and being gay is another. Hell is only the beginning of why I hate being gay. Some still think that that people are not born gay. Although I can not speak for others, I can assure you that I was born into this world gay. I wasnt rejected by girls at a young age. That was never my case. Never have I been called ugly or unattractive, and if you met me for the first time, you wouldnt know that I was gay. Ive been popular from elementary school to college. I played football. I wrestled. I ran track. The ladies loved me and still do. I dont say it to brag. I just want you to understand that I didnt like the ladies. I truly wish that wasnt the case. To clear things up, I am not ashamed of being gay. I will never be ashamed of being gay again, and the only reason I was ever ashamed of being gay in the first place was because the Radical Right instilled it into my mother and my other family members at a young age that being gay is wrong. That is not true. The Radical Right was wrong then and still is wrong today. I was talking to a good friend, and he told me that the only thing that I have in common with the gay community is the fact that I am gay. He is mostly right. I dont really fit in. I am not what you would think of as the typical gay person, and I am sure that there are many other gay people that feel the same way as I do. It hurts that people are out there putting me in a category that has nothing to do with the person that I am. Sometimes I will speak out when the gay community is being bashed. For instance, I live in Dothan, Alabama, and in this city, children were being taught by the public school system that people are not born gay, and they can get help. From personal knowledge, I know the opposite is true. So I did something. Now there are people in this city who hate me for speaking out. Does it make sense? Why couldnt I be the one on the other side of the fence? Why couldnt I be the one not understanding that people are born gay? I know that this is getting long, and I will end it soon. Not because I am running out of things to say, but I know that you have other things to do. Thank you for going this far, and I hope that you will finish. I just got out of a year-long relationship, and I am so very scared. I mean the reason that I deal with all the problems of being gay is because I like guys. I want nothing more than to find that special someone. I want to have kids. I want to grow my business, and I dont want to do it alone. This results in more difficulties. First of all, the guys that I like dont live in Dothan, AL. I cant even find someone that I like 100 miles from me. Just imagine how much harder it is being gay and being in a long-distant relationship.
I am not ready to settle for anyone except for the "One". If by chance, I do find him. If by chance, I find the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I will not be able to marry him because my state has choosen to ban my opportunity of marriage. By taking it away, they are also taking my opportunity to visit the one that I love in the hospital or to share health care coverage with or to take off work if he were to get fatally sick. Is it fair? Lets not forget the tax breaks and 1,000 other rights that married couples get. Life is hard. Being gay is harder. There are those that dont understand. There are those that do. I will go on hating the fact that I am gay because everyday my life is unequal to someones life who is straight. I will go on watching this country make more laws to make my life even more miserable because you wont speak up. Dont worry about me. I will never stop speaking out. I will never stop calling fouls when people cross the line. I would take the bullet if I could make it easier on one more gay couple. What about you? When are you going to say, Enough is enough?
Paul A. Carnes
